Men Jokes

[2moretrees]

A little humor for all the women out there

Question: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

Answer: He buys two cases of beer.

[2moretrees]

Re: Men Jokes

Oh, and another one...

Question: What is the difference between men and government bonds?

Answer: The bonds mature.

[emily1067]

Re: Men Jokes

How about some jokes about the women just to even the score...I don't have any, but maybe someone else does!

[2moretrees]

Re: Men Jokes

Sorry, I don't know any women's jokes, but I won't be offended if someone wants to add a few since these are all in fun. Cant resist to add another one

Question: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

Answer: Both of them.

[terry1156]

Re: Men Jokes

I don't take any offense. They seem pretty accurate to me

[2moretrees]

Re: Men Jokes

Since I have been waved free to continue:

Question: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

Answer: We don't know; it has never happened.

[terry1156]

Re: Men Jokes

I guess I'll have to go out and find some blonde jokes to even things out:

Why can't blondes water ski?

They can't find a lake with a slope.

[2moretrees]

Re: Men Jokes

Question: Why are blonde jokes so short?

Answer: So men can remember them.

[terry1156]

Re: Men Jokes

ouch....I guess i should have seen that one coming

[Scamper]

Re: Men Jokes

Herer's One I just got In.


The Top Ten Thoughts for 2006

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If
you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for
a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they
won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky, not really
good for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the
weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two
hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you
thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the
world weird. Now the world is weird and people take
Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is
located among the millions and millions of cows in
America but we haven't got a clue as to where
thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are
located.

[Scamper]

Re: Men Jokes

My brother sent me this one.

Joke.

A father watched his young daughter playing in the
garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his
little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her
seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent
eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He
went over to see what work of God had captured her
attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little
girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and
innocent question he replied, "No dear. Both of them
are Daddy Longlegs"

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for
a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, we're not having any of that gay - stuff going on in our garden!

[Scamper]

Re: Men Jokes

This is from my daughter.

Joke

Little boy goes in the house, and asks grandma “what it is called when the guy is on top of the girl “ Grandma replies, well their having a sexy good time Sunny.

Little boy goes back outside to play. Comes running back in about 5 minutes.

Says “Grandma, their not having a sexy good time.” It’s called” Bunk Beds “ and mama wants to talk to you.

[Scamper]

Re: Men Jokes

Joke

Men Never Listen.

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s room, but it was always occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said “ You may use the ladies room , if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.

He did what was needed, and sat there . He noticed all the buttons he was told not to touch. Each one was identified by WW, WA, PP, and a red labeled ATR.

Well who would know if he touched these. So he couldn’t resist. He pushed WW and got sprayed nicely on his bottom. Oh this is a nice feeling, he thought. The men’s room don’t have nice things like this.
So anticipating even greater pleasure, decided to push WA button. Warm Air replaced the warm water, and gently dried his underside.

When the air stopped he gently pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom with a fragile scent of spring flowers. He thought, the ladies room isn’t a restroom, it’s a tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff was finished doing its thing ,he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button. Oh he said, this has got to be the best one yet.
I just know it’s going to be " Supreme Ecstasy "

The next thing he knew when he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed. A nurse was staring down at him.” What Happened?’he shouted. The last thing I remember is pushing the ATR button.

The nurse explained: ‘ The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.
Your organ is under your pillow.

“Men Never Listen.” They passed this around at Bingo.

[Scamper]

Re: Men Jokes

Joke

Bullfrog


Bullfrogs & the tricks they can perform:

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for
his birthday.
After looking around, she found that all the pets were
very expensive.
She - Told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't
want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog.
They say it's been- Trained to give men satisfaction.
"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this
month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and
what if it's true...no - More satisfaction from her ! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he
was extremely - Skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed
happy, thinking she may - Never need to perform this less than riveting act
again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the
noise of pots and pans - Flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and
crashing sounds. She ran - Downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband
and the frog reading " Cookbooks."

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.
The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your butt is gone."

[Scamper]

Re: Men Jokes

Joke
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed
bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on
this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we
can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading
out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you
going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night heard
you telling mom you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because
she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying
here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage & no bike!"