Men Jokes

[Scamper]

A man and his wife were talking and he says, You know, I was thinking of going down to the bar tonight and entering that big-dick contest.

Oh honey, she exclaims, I don't want you taking that out in public!

But sweet thing, he says, the prize is $100.

I don't care, she says I don't want you showing that thing to everybody.

So he lets the subject drop until the following night when his wife walks in on him in the bedroom, counting out a hundred dollars.

Did you go down and enter that big-dick contest last night after I told you not to?

Please forgive me, sweetheart. He says.

You mean you took that thing out for everybody to see? she says, tears welling up in her eyes.

The man looks at her fondly and says, Only enough to win.

[Scamper]

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and they were going at it for a while when the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.

She does and they continue. A few minutes go by and he asks her again, "open your legs a little wider".

She does, then he asks again, "a little wider hun".

The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.

Till finally he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"

So she finally yells "what are you trying to do get your balls in too?"

He says "no, I'm trying to get them out"

[Scamper]

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
“You aren’t good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
By mid-morning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home.
After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
“What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”

[Scamper]

One day, a stunningly attractive woman walks into a doctor's office. As soon as the doctor lays his eyes on her his profession goes right out the window. He asks her to take off her pants. He asks her to sit on the table and when she does, he starts firmly rubbing her thighs. He asks her, "Do you know what I am doing?" She replies, "Checking for abnormalities." Then, he tells her to take off her shirt and bra, and she does as she is told and he starts rubbing her breasts. Again he asks, "Do you know what I am doing?" "Checking for cancer," she replies. Then he instructs her to take her panties off, and after she does, he lays her back, pulls off his pants and underwear, jumps up on top of her and begins to have sex with her. Once again, "Do you know what I am doing?" Then, the woman answers, "Checking for herpes, that's what I am here for."

[cptacek]

Two muffins are in an oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says "Man, it's hot in here."

The other muffin goes "AAH!!! Talking muffin!!!"

[Hanuka]

Oh, and another one...

Question: What is the difference between men and government bonds?

Answer: The bonds mature.

lol, nice

[breizh29]

Funny, Ah Ah Ah

[Jaun22]

That is pretty funny stuff.