In Desperate Need Of Help!!!

[Kalvinc]

Okay guys, this is my story. I know that I'm a little late in recognizing just how bad my situation has gotten, but I'm ready to do whatever it takes to turn this around. My credit score was a 688 in January and has already dropped to a 567 since then. What has changed since then? My girlfriend moved to California and since then I seem to have forgot that I have bills to pay. Since meeting her in July I spent over $4,000 in airfare to see her in DC. I am getting stationed in Kaneohe, HI (Navy) June 14, and her and her son are coming with me. I am only an E4, hopefully I made E5 off this last cycle and can get BAH ($1,953 a month) sometime around December and that will help considerably with rent and what not. Until then she and her son will be crashing with my friend's wife while he is deployed for 6 months. I have accumulated all this debt in only 2 years. That is really unacceptable and if I don't stop it now, I am afraid I will be in my parent's position in 20 years.

This is a list of my debt:

___________________________DEBT_______APR____MIN PYMT
Used Vehicle Loan_____________$3,233.56__14.890%____$200/mo
Consolidation no collateral_______$6,097.31__17.750%____$200/mo
Visa Signature cashRewards_____$5,020.39__17.900%___$100/mo
Military Star Card_______________$2,324.91__12.240%__$150/mo
Amazon Store Card_____________$727.91___UNKNOWN___$150/mo
Dell Preferred Account__________$726.14____UNKNOWN__$50/mo
PayPal Bill Me Later____________$318.52____UNKNOWN__$50/mo

My TOTAL monthly income is normally $2,020 - $2,030. Paid (50%) on the 1st and the 15th. However, if the 1st or the 15th falls on a Monday, Navy Federal will pay me Friday at 0001 the week before.

My girlfriend's income brings in $1,495 a month with $710 disability (she was paralyzed on her left side after having brain surgery), $685 from a settlement for her arm surgery as a child, and $100 for child support.

My Bills:

Phone------$50
Insurance--$100
And of course all the debt piled up at the top.


Her Bills:
Phone------$90
Insurance--$70
Storage----$450

I really really need some help coming up with a plan. I want to get out of debt as quickly as possible but I am a HUGE outdoors person and I know that with going to Hawaii I will be looking into getting all new spearfishing equipment, things for my bow, camo, fishing rods, reels, dirtbike gear... We also really need help in keeping our spending on food down (she does the shopping, how much should we be setting aside each paycheck?) BTW, her son is 8 years old. Thank you guys for the feedback, I will be patiently awaiting some great advice

[Kalvinc]

I really need help creating a budget that we will actually be able to stick to. It is hard to accurately judge how much I will spend for all the little things during the pay period... And how do we make sure that we are only spending the money set aside for that purpose? Or do we just send some to pay off debt/savings and spend whats left? I am lost, and kind of overwhelmed :s

It won't let me update my original post, but this is the ACTUAL amounts and monthly minimums.

Creditor / Balance / Monthly Payment

Military Star Card / $2,325 / $72
Amazon Store Card / $837 / $61
Dell Preferred Acc / $726 / $22
Navy Federal Credit Card / $5,020 / $102
Navy Federal Consolidation Loan / $6,103 / $196
Navy Federal Used Vehicle Loan / $3,236 / $200

[bjl584]

Your debt is manageable if you are wiling to live as barebones and as basic as humanly possible. You might as well totally forget about spearfishing for now.

Do you have any savings at all or any assets that have value that you can sell?

Standard advice is to pay off the debts with the highest interest rate first. You need to find out the rates on the unknown ones.

[Gailete]

Okay maybe I'm lost but, where are your housing and food expenses? Who is paying for her and her son's trip to Hawaii and who will pay for their trip back if you two break up? I assume we will in essence be paying for your trip to Hawaii and back when the time comes. Is there any chance of you getting deployed and then having to leave her behind on a very expensive island to live on? I've never heard anything but how expensive Hawaii is to live on and a woman is moving there with extremely limited resources. Who pays her and the boy's health care costs? Who pays for the growing boy's clothing needs?

You talk about updating fishing, and hobby stuff, but you can't afford it. Half your income already goes to bills and then you seemed to conveniently forgot the rest of your expenses. While you pay off this mountain of debt, you are going to be POOR! I have a son that makes basically what you do at his one job. By the time he pays his cheap apartment rent, utilities, insurance (car and health), food, some savings, it is gone and he doesn't have close to $1000 in debt to be paying on each month. Nor can he afford to date or support a wife and a kid. He understands this. Okay, I'm an old lady that has lived a lot of life, but I look at your budget and hear what you want to do and I can tell you that you are living in a dreamland. You can't afford with your combined incomes to live anything but the most Spartan life. Some people can do it, but you are right, you have forgotten about your bills and how to live a financially responsible life. You can't afford the girlfriend or her son, at least not now since I see no way a disabled woman with a child can afford airfare to Hawaii on her income so I suppose you were planning on charging it??? And since her income is past minimal How is she in the bill department? What does she owe? How has she been living on this amount? You didn't mention her actual expenses either. $450 for storage??? monthly???

I really think that you need to look through all this again and rethink your relationship with her and the plan to move her to Hawaii. Why can't she stay in the states until you are more financially able to take her on? With no legal relationship, the service wouldn't be helping with any of her expenses such as health insurance for her or the boy or is she on welfare? If so, will she qualify for that in Hawaii? Is she on food stamps? Will she qualify in Hawaii? You realize each state has their own rules. Will she continue to qualify if she is living with you?

We can't tell you how or what to use for a budget as you haven't shared the information we would need to do so. I realize I have written a very discouraging note, but it is better not to sugar coat things when you are in this deep of trouble. We can maybe help you with your budget but you have to tell us your ordinary expenses and how you estimate they will change when you move. The raise you are looking forward to is half a year away at this point, so put that out of your head since it is of no use at this point.

[breathemusic]

Are you living in the barracks or something while your g/f is staying with the friend's wife? I'm assuming that's why you haven't listed expenses for rent, etc. But I think there's definitely expenses that you're missing. Many credit cards and bank sites offer tools that will categorize your expenses to show you how much you're spending on things like gas, food, clothing, etc. So you can start there. Or at least go back and pull your statements and add it up yourself to get an idea of what you have been spending. Then start making cuts.

If you're worried about over-spending, stop using your cards and us an envelope system (keep an envelope with a weekly gas cash allowance and don't spend any more, one for groceries, etc.) Obviously you're charging things to a credit or debit card and not actually paying attention to how much you're spending until the bill comes. That's what creates problems for many people.

[neatdesign]

I really need help creating a budget that we will actually be able to stick to. It is hard to accurately judge how much I will spend for all the little things during the pay period... And how do we make sure that we are only spending the money set aside for that purpose? Or do we just send some to pay off debt/savings and spend whats left? I am lost, and kind of overwhelmed :s

You don't provide enough information for anyone to help you create a budget. You've omitted so many expenses, such as how much you spend on:

Petrol
Food
Toiletries/Household items (toilet paper, shampoo, cleaning supplies, etc)
Gifts (birthday/Xmas/etc)
Clothing/Shoes
Hobbies
Entertainment
Eating Out
Internet
Pet supplies (if you have one)
Contributions to savings/retirement accounts

I'm sure there are other categories but those are the most obvious ones that are missing.

As for judging how much you spend on "the little things", that's easy: Write it down. If you don't right down what you're spending, then you can't track it.

You might benefit from budgeting software to help you stay on track. I use YNAB: You Need A Budget and I love it.

[Kalvinc]

Your debt is manageable if you are wiling to live as barebones and as basic as humanly possible. You might as well totally forget about spearfishing for now.

Do you have any savings at all or any assets that have value that you can sell?

Standard advice is to pay off the debts with the highest interest rate first. You need to find out the rates on the unknown ones.

I have a nice compound bow that I could probably get rid of for at least $500... My truck is in nice condition but it also has 196K miles on it. I would love to get rid of it but I don't really think anyone wants a truck with that many miles on it. My boat is just a little 14' Jon boat that is a fixer upper project and nobody in their right mind would take it off my hands and actually give me money.

Also, would it be better to get rid of the amazon, bill me later, and dell preferred payments since they are so small? That way I could free up some cash every month that could be put more towards the consolidation loan or one of the credit cards?

[Kalvinc]

Okay maybe I'm lost but, where are your housing and food expenses?

I reside in the barracks, she will be staying with my friend's wife. I give her $300 a month for groceries and in return she makes me dinner and ensures I have food to eat when I go to work.

Who is paying for her and her son's trip to Hawaii and who will pay for their trip back if you two break up?

We have the funds set aside for the tickets, vehicle shipping costs, and gas money.

Is there any chance of you getting deployed and then having to leave her behind on a very expensive island to live on?

I will be deployed in November for 6 months. Probably to Italy. When I get deployed, I will have a lot more income, and will be sending back money for rent. Before I deploy, we will have our own house and she will not be paying $450 a month in storage costs.

Who pays her and the boy's health care costs?

They are under her dad's insurance plan.

And since her income is past minimal How is she in the bill department? What does she owe? How has she been living on this amount? You didn't mention her actual expenses either. $450 for storage??? monthly???

Her husband is in military prison for the crimes he committed against his family. The divorce papers are being reviewed by the court. She lived in DC for 4 years and was able to save up $30,000 while she was living at the hospital after her surgery. (She was a military dependent and they paid for it). I listed her bills (phone, insurance, and storage). Her house hold goods are still in DC in storage until the Air Force moves her stuff (to Hawaii). They owe her one move still. She will not be able to take her things out of storage until we get a place of our own.

Is she on food stamps? Will she qualify in Hawaii?

She hasn't gotten on food stamps here, but we will definitely be looking into it when we get there. She does qualify though. The state doesn't count her settlement money as "income", so her real income is only $810 a month.


I appreciate your brutal honesty very much believe it or not. I know I have a problem, and thats why I'm here. I am willing to cut back on everything, but I am not going to let my girlfriend and her son go. I love them, and plan to marry her someday. So that is not an option for me.

[Kalvinc]

If you're worried about over-spending, stop using your cards and us an envelope system (keep an envelope with a weekly gas cash allowance and don't spend any more, one for groceries, etc.) Obviously you're charging things to a credit or debit card and not actually paying attention to how much you're spending until the bill comes. That's what creates problems for many people.

I have not used my cards in a few weeks, and plan to continue not using them. I don't know how much we spend monthly on the small things like toys/school stuff/clothes and what not for her son. She has a tendency to impulse buy and we eat out far too often. It is very hard for her to use her left hand (it is basically useless), so everything that me and you do on a day to day basis is about 10 times more difficult when you have only one hand to do it. That's part of the reason we eat out as often as we do I think.

[Kalvinc]

You don't provide enough information for anyone to help you create a budget. You've omitted so many expenses, such as how much you spend on:

Petrol
Food
Toiletries/Household items (toilet paper, shampoo, cleaning supplies, etc)
Gifts (birthday/Xmas/etc)
Clothing/Shoes
Hobbies
Entertainment
Eating Out
Internet
Pet supplies (if you have one)
Contributions to savings/retirement accounts

I'm sure there are other categories but those are the most obvious ones that are missing.

As for judging how much you spend on "the little things", that's easy: Write it down. If you don't right down what you're spending, then you can't track it.

You might benefit from budgeting software to help you stay on track. I use YNAB: You Need A Budget[/URL] and I love it.

Petrol-$300
Food-$400
Toiletries/Household items (toilet paper, shampoo, cleaning supplies, etc)-$50
Gifts (birthday/Xmas/etc)-$20
Clothing/Shoes-$100 (her)
Hobbies - $200
Entertainment -$100
Eating Out -$100
Internet - $0
Pet supplies - They are being shipped to alaska to live with her parents until we get our own place, that is costing us $200.
Contributions to savings/retirement accounts-$0

[Baby_nurse]

Everything is gong to be more expensive in Hawaii, food and gas included.

You might not want to hear it, but eating out, hobbies and entertainment are going to have to go for awhile until your debts are paid down. I doubt I spend $100/ month on clothing for my family of 5! Cutting that stuff out will give you an extra $500 to put towards your debt. You truly can't afford to have her and her son come live with you right now.

[Kalvinc]

Everything is gong to be more expensive in Hawaii, food and gas included.

You might not want to hear it, but eating out, hobbies and entertainment are going to have to go for awhile until your debts are paid down. I doubt I spend $100/ month on clothing for my family of 5! Cutting that stuff out will give you an extra $500 to put towards your debt. You truly can't afford to have her and her son come live with you right now.

She cannot afford $550 rent, utilities, and storage by herself and stay where she is right now. I spend $0 on clothing or shoes.... I completely agree about not eating out, hobbies, and entertainment are going to have to go. I try talking to her about it but she gets defensive because it is HER money that she is spending. Also, I will be receiving a Cost of Living Allowance (COLA) once I get there. I think it is around $360 a month to compensate for the higher cost of living over there.

[Gailete]

Sorry to hear about her troubles and what she has gone through. I'm on disability myself and many days can't make a meal if I tried. We eat cereal or toast frozen pizzas on those days. I agree with the other poster. In our house of 2 we no way spend on average $100 month on clothes. So far this year my husband has bought two pairs of shoes -- the first pair from SEARS fell apart in two months and SEARS refused to replace them or refund his money. So he got another pair elsewhere. I bought some 'new' tops at the thrift store this year for maybe $20 total. I could use new shoes too but I've been saying that for years, as these ones just won't have the final breakdown. Just saying that when money is tight, and it is until you get these bills paid off, clothing, toys, eating out, hobbies, etc. are luxury items. The little boy needs to understand this and know not to pester mom or you for stuff in the stores.

[Gailete]

I completely agree about not eating out, hobbies, and entertainment are going to have to go. I try talking to her about it but she gets defensive because it is HER money that she is spending

That is the bell ringer I've been waiting to hear. She can't afford to live on her own herself on her limited funds, but doesn't want to cut herself off from spending since you apparently are taking up the slack. If you are leaving in just a few weeks, that isn't much time to get her on board with a financial program that you want and she doesn't see the need for. And she is completely correct. It IS HER MONEY. If you were married you would have a right to speak to her about it and have some expectation of being listened to on the matter, but unless she is married to you, you have no right to tell her how to spend her money and if she can't afford to take care of herself that truly is her problem. Unless she is on the same page as you with finances for now, you need to leave her where she is at this point. I see much heartache for you otherwise.

[Kalvinc]

I know it is her money she is spending. But when I am giving her MY MONEY, so that we can make it though this, it upsets me to see her spending so much on things that are not necessities. Because on top of the money I give her for groceries, I also try to help pitch in with the utilities when I can. I am not spending any money at all on myself lately. In a sense I suppose I am, since I am spending all this money on MY debt. She didn't spend that money and put me in debt, so she shouldn't have to suffer because of my poor decisions in the past. So I am spending money on myself I guess ( on things that I bought in the past and am paying for now).