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Opinion: Don’t Wait To Talk About Finances Until After Marriage

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There is a post on Reddit that boggled my mind. A wife was concerned that her husband wanted to know about her finances. Maybe I’m assuming too much, but I thought couples discussed finances before marriage. If that’s not the norm, I believe it should be.

Let me start by admitting I am unmarried. Additionally, I regularly write about personal finance, so I probably talk about money more than the average adult. However, I don’t think I’m in the minority when I say you should know what you’re marrying into, financially included. Integrating lives with your partner involves combining your finances as well as the other aspects of life. It is not generally a comfortable conversation, but it is necessary.

Potential Finance Topics

If you’re not financially savvy or carry a large amount of debt, the thought can be daunting. If you are incredibly wealthy, you may want to keep that information away from a thief. However, if you’re seriously planning to get married or are already married, you can’t avoid talking numbers. Here are a few topics to consider: financial goals, net worth, credit score, assets, debt, retirement, and giving.

Money Issues Lead to Divorce?

Business Insider lists mismatched priorities as one of the main reasons couples divorce. Establish your baseline before discussing finances with your partner or spouse. You always need to know your financial position, such as your net worth and your goals. Encourage your partner to do the same. As you pay down debt or accrue more assets, update your net worth using a spreadsheet or an app like Personal Capital. Make sure you’re both agree on the direction your finances are heading.

Debt

If you are currently in debt or have a habit of getting into debt, your partner should know. Depending on the state, they may be responsible for any liability created while you’re married. Hiding that information can create more significant problems. A survey showed that money is about 25 percent of the reason for divorce. If the income is over six figures, then that number increases to 33 percent.

Giving

One topic I don’t see a lot when I read about relationships and money is giving. Do you already, or plan to, pay your parents or siblings’ expenses regularly? Are you active in your church and plan to give 10 percent of your income every two weeks? How does your significant feel about that? Have you discussed it? Giving can be a huge sacrifice that only some are willing to make. When it becomes a combined decision, compromise should occur.

One at a Time

Designate a time to sit and discuss your finances. Ensure you are in a quiet, relaxed environment conducive to thoughtful communication. You don’t have to address all of the topics at one time. Maybe you have a deep-dive of each one spread out over time.

Perhaps you wait to have this conversation until you’re engaged or in pre-marital counseling. Maybe you’re like me and ask about credit scores before your entree on the first date. Whenever you decide to have the conversation, it may help to do so before you’re legally bound to one another. If you want to protect yourself, a prenuptial agreement is always an option.

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Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Mix Business With Pleasure

How Money Issues Kill Marriage

How to Save Money on Marriage

Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Mix Business With Pleasure

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Mixing business with pleasure is a term that’s used to describe business partners who are romantically involved with each other. Mixing business with pleasure usually involves dating a fellow professional, especially one you work closely with. This would include people in your department or in a department you’re associated with.

We’ll be looking at the major reasons why mixing business with pleasure is such a bad thing and the unique cases where they can actually work. First, we’ll consider the downsides:

It’s bad for business.

The primary reason why you shouldn’t date someone you work with is that it’s bad for business. It’s simply too distracting. You’ll never be able to get any work done because you’ll be too busy doting over each other. This is especially true if your relationship is new or you’re really in love with each other. This lack of focus can reduce productivity, and even slow down the entire business’ operations.

Besides derailing the vision of the organization, dating your co-worker can also encourage the behavior, especially if you’re in a position of authority. You essentially endorse the act and give your employees or subordinates the right to do the same. Once this happens, it’s only a matter of time before all the emotional heat snowballs into an avalanche of chaos (and probably lawsuits).

It’s bad for pleasure.

As counterintuitive as it may sound, mixing business with pleasure is also bad for pleasure. Dating your co-worker means you always take a piece of work home with you. Even if you have a good working relationship, you’ll have to set new ground rules for when you’re not in the office. It’s going to be even harder trying to keep the two of them (relationship life and professional life) separate because the office demands strict and professional relations while life at home demands more compassionate relations.

You can see that this topic can lead to some major problems, both for the organization and the individuals involved. But then, now, we’re going to look at the situations where mixing business with pleasure might actually work out.

You have high emotional intelligence.

Having high emotional intelligence means being able to keep a lid on your feelings, no matter how strongly you feel at the moment. With high emotional intelligence, you can compartmentalize your emotions and keep them from interfering with your work. That way, you can avoid all the pitfalls that come with dating a co-worker.

You work from home.

Working from home is great because you can set your own hours and make as much money as you want. It all depends on how much time and energy you put into it. It also means you can date your co-worker, or work with your partner (depends on how you want to look at it.) For example, imagine that you trade on Bitcoin future, and your partner could also be in the same business. It wouldn’t matter much since there isn’t that much professional interaction involved.

The job is a temporary assignment.

If you’re both working on a very temporary arrangement, then mixing business with pleasure may not be such a dangerous thing. Since you’ll both stop working together soon, it’s unlikely that your relationship is going to affect your work and vice versa.

More often than not, it’s better to put off dating until after you’ve completed your business because it’s very rare to keep romantic affairs from spilling into work relationships.

For more on relationships, consider reading these articles:

How A Polygamous Relationship Can Impact Your Finances

How Money Issues Kill Marriage

Dying Regrets And Why I Won’t Have Them

Image Credit: Pexels.

How Money Issues Kill Marriage

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money issues in marriage

In 2017, based on data from the CDC, there were more than 787,000 divorces and annulments in the US during that year alone. One study that asked divorcing parents why their relationship ended saw 40 percent of the participants cite issues with how their spouse handled money as a major factor.

Money Issues in Marriage and Divorce

Disagreements about money or general economic stress can lead to increasing levels of conflict in a marriage. As a result, money issues can essentially kill the relationship. Which leads the couple to opt for a divorce. By understanding how money issues impact a marriage, you can take steps to address problems before they lead to a separation. Here’s a look at the most common financial problems people encounter in marriages and how you can handle the situations.

Issues of Expense Management

If both spouses earn an income, coming up with a reasonable way to split expenses can be challenging. At times, one spouse may feel that the arrangement isn’t fair, creating an air of resentment if they feel that they are shouldering more of the burden than is due.

For example, if a couple initially agrees to split household expenses down the middle, but one earns substantially less than the other, conflict can arise. The spouse with the lower income may believe that they are getting the worse end of the stick, as their spending power is limited by a larger degree.

In some cases, this can be mitigated by adjusting the allocations. Using a percentage-based approach may make it feel more equitable. However, this can also lead to issues if the higher earner perceives this option as a punishment for making more money.

Additionally, splitting income and expenses can make joint planning more difficult. It may be hard to determine how things should work if one spouse loses their job unexpectedly or wants to quit their position to pursue something else, whether that be a new career, more education, or starting a family.

Problems with Debt

Debt can be a contentious topic. Many adults bring financial baggage into a marriage since they likely have debts that they are bringing with them into the relationship. If one spouse has negative feelings about the other’s debt load, this can lead to conflict.

Similarly, disagreements about joint debt can harm a marriage. For example, if one spouse maxes out a credit card without the others knowledge, this can feel like a significant breach of trust. Further, if the rising debt total hinders other financial goals, resentment can build as one spouse makes it difficult for the other to feel financially secure.

Finally, large amounts of debt puts a strain on the household. This is true even in situations where both spouses believe the debt was necessary or unavoidable. Fear about a lack of financial well-being increases tension. A lack of liquidity can also harm the household’s quality of life, something that can breed frustration and lead to more stress.

Conflicting Money Management Personalities

In some cases, one spouse is a “spender” while the other is a “saver.” They have different money management personalities, impacting their priorities, and influencing their spending patterns in ways that don’t always make sense to their spouse.

Even if a couple is debt-free, conflicting viewpoints on money can cause strife. One may view the other as a cheapskate while the other sees the first as being irresponsible.

Addressing Money Issues Before Divorce

In many cases, the best way to prevent money issues from leading to a divorce is to talk about money frequently. Have in-depth discussions about debt, savings goals, spending patterns, and other aspects that may cause conflict.

By listening to each other and planning together, you can seek out a happy medium. You can align your priorities so that each spouse gets some of what they need, and everything feels fair.

Without money conversations, financial issues will quickly damage even the strongest of marriages. As a result, having a monthly or quarterly discuss is critical if you want to avoid divorce.

 

Have you had money issues in marriage before? Do you think financial problems led to your divorce? Tell us about your experience in the comments below.

 

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Target Looks to Expand Childcare and Paid Family Leave Benefits

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Target paid family leave

The top retailers in the United States have been trying to keep up with online stores in multiple ways. Target is one of the retail chains that is doing a fantastic job staying competitive with companies like Amazon. Most recently, the company is looking at expanding the Target paid family leave and childcare benefits available to its employees.


Expanding the Target Paid Family Leave Benefits

Many of the top retailers in America are trying to outmatch one another with employee benefits to attract new workers. On Monday, Target announced the changes it plans to make.

The company said it will begin to expand child care benefits and expand paid family leave for around 350,000 of its employees. This includes both full and part-time workers located in its stores, distribution centers, and Target headquarters.

It is nothing new that retailers have a rather high rate of turnover when it comes to employees. With Target and other retailers focused on competing with online stores, additional job perks seem to be the way to keep loyal workers.

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Backup Child Care

In the fall, Target employees will be able to receive 20 days of backup child care and elder care through a third party network. Through this network, they can receive child care for $20 a day at a daycare or a subsidized hourly rate at home.

Paid Maternity Leave and More

The Target paid family leave policy will be made broader to include parental leave or sick family member. New parents or employees with sick family members will now get up to four weeks off to deal with their family’s needs.

“We recognize there are many different situations,” a spokesperson for the company said. For instance, employees may need to take off to care for a sick family member, something out of their control.

New mothers will also be able to claim an additional six to eight weeks of paid maternity leave on top of the four weeks already allotted by the company through paid family leave.

For comparison, Walmart offers six weeks of paid parental leave for its full-time workers. New moms can receive up to 10 additional weeks of paid leave.

Increasing Pay

On top of expanding Target paid family leave, the company has raised its starting wage to $13. It plans to raise it to $15 per hour by the end of next year. Other companies have begun to do the same.

Both Costco and Amazon raised their starting pay to $15. Walmart, on the other hand, has only risen its starting pay to $11. Currently, the average pay of a full-time Walmart employee sits around $14.26.

Student Benefits

Last week, Walmart announced it would add educational benefits for its high-school aged workers. The company is now offering to pay for SAT prep and initial college credit classes. After graduation, Walmart is also offering to send them to one of six colleges for $1 a day (this began last year).

These changes, in addition to steady shift scheduling, more paid leave, and extra training have driven turnover down to a five-year low for Walmart. Target hopes to see the same results with its latest changes to paid family leave.

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How to Talk to Your Adult Kids About Your Financial Assets

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financial assets

At some point in nearly everyone’s life, they have to prepare for a challenging conversation. Speaking with your adult children about your financial assets isn’t always easy. Some believe that their situation isn’t their kid’s business. Others worry that what they have to say will disappoint their children. However, discussing your financial circumstances with your adult children is important. Otherwise, they won’t know how you want your estate managed or might not be aware that you need help. Luckily, it is possible to handle the conversation skillfully. Here’s how to begin.

Have the First Conversation ASAP

The sooner you start talking to your kids about your financial assets, the easier the situation is to manage. Whether it’s letting them know that you have enough available to cover you in retirement – which can be a relief for worry-prone kids – or letting them know what their inheritance may look like, getting the ball rolling is critical.

Even if you don’t have many financial assets, letting your children know now instead of later is wise. That way, they understand where you are today and can help make sure that your future is secure.

Plus, this lets everyone test the waters when it comes to topics like powers of attorney or estate executors. Ideally, you don’t want to make one of your children the executor of your estate if they aren’t comfortable with that responsibility. However, you won’t know if someone is averse to that title unless you talk about it.

By having the first conversation as soon as possible, you are also creating an opportunity. If you’ve never spoken about it before, your children might not know about your final wishes. If you have plans about where your financial assets should go after your passing, telling them now gets everyone on the same page.

Ultimately, these aren’t topics best discussed during an ongoing crisis. Make plans to sit down with your children as soon as you can to get everything moving in the right direction.

Talk to Everyone Together

If you have more than one adult child, getting everyone involved in the same conversation can make things easier. It ensures that all of your kids have the same information, decreasing the odds that there will be any confusion. Plus, it helps you avoid looking like you are favoring one child over another, which can make the situation more volatile.

Ease into the Topic Slowly

For many children, thinking about their parents passing away is hard. If you approach the subject too quickly, their emotions may spike, making the discussion less effective.

While you do have to start the conversation somewhere, try to use a gentle approach. Let them know that you want to plan on the off-hand chance something happens. Also, reassure them that everything is fine today (as long as that is actually the case).

You can also initiate the discussion by referencing new information you may have seen. For example, if you read an article about the costs of long-term care, you can mention that and let your kids know that it got you thinking. Then, just segue into the conversation naturally.

Focus on the practicality of the discussion. Mention that you have a plan and want to make sure it is followed. Try to remove any emotional context from the conversation, concentrating primarily on facts and hard numbers.

At Least Cover the Basics

In some cases, you don’t want to divulge every detail. If you aren’t likely to need financial assistance from your children or have substantial assets and don’t want them to see the dollar signs associated with them, then make sure you cover the basics at a minimum.

Let your children know where you keep all the critical documents. This includes your will, banking and brokerage account details, titles and deeds, powers of attorney, and anything else they may need to move forward should the unexpected occur.

Also, take a moment to summarize your financial situation. Let your kids know if you have enough to manage your retirement or if you might need support from them.

If you have strong relationships with your kids, you can certainly share more. However, covering those topics should be considered a must-do.

Enlist the Help of a Professional

If you are nervous about discussing your financial assets and plan with your children, consider getting help from a seasoned ally. A financial planner or estate attorney can facilitate a family meeting, ensuring you’ve covered all of the details.

By using a third-party, you can decrease the emotional context discussion significantly. Plus, they can help mediate disagreements or put their foot down on points that matter to you most.

Have you ever tackled talking to your adult kids about your financial assets? Did you find the conversation easy or challenging? Share your experience in the comments below.

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Mother’s Day: American Moms Are Struggling to Make Ends Meet

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American moms

There is no doubt motherhood has changed in recent years. Many American moms went from being stay-at-home parents in the 50s and 60s to full-time career women. Although it may appear mothers are superheroes, in all reality, many of them are struggling to keep up. Here’s why…

American Moms Are Really Struggling

Most of us are celebrating our mothers this weekend and everything they do. However, doing everything is exhausting. Should we really be celebrating the ability to work full-time, take care of the kids and home, when they don’t even have time for themselves?

“This ideal of what it means to be a good mom is to put your child’s needs above your own. An ideal worker in the U.S. economy means being fully dedicated and committed with your undivided attention – that you can come in at a moment’s notice, that you don’t have anything that distracts. This doesn’t work if you have kids,” said Caitlyn Collins, a sociology professor. And American moms are really struggling.

American societal, economic, and technological changes have drastically impacted motherhood. In 1975, half of the American moms were able to stay home with their children. In 2019, 70 percent of households have both parents working. Not to mention, the price of childcare continues to rise (between $12,000 and $14,000, depending on your location).

Moms aren’t getting a ton of help either. Even though fathers have stepped up a bit, the work balance is still unequal between moms and dads in households where both parents have full-time jobs. Additionally, about half of grandparents live more than five hours away, making it difficult to receive help if it is needed.

Combine that with social media and depression from comparing themselves to other moms out there, and lack of public policy, American moms have it pretty rough. Because paid maternity leave is only available to 17 percent of the United States population, half of moms in America take less than two months off after having their child.

Six times out of 10, after they return to work, they are shamed on social media for doing so so quickly (or simply parenting “wrong”). This has led to an increase in cases of post-partum depression, anxiety, and mood disorders in mothers in America. Even celebrities like Kylie Jenner and Chrissy Teigen have fallen victim to this scrutiny.

So, one day a year, we give these amazing women a “thank you” card and a nice lunch. But is that really enough? What else can we do to help these struggling American moms? 

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