Retirement is supposed to be the golden era of relaxation, travel, and time well spent with the people you love. But for many couples, the minute one or both spouses leave the workforce, the fantasy quickly turns into friction. Why? Social Security—more specifically, everything they thought they knew about it.
Decades of misinformation, complicated rules, and changes to the program have led to a host of myths that couples only confront when it’s almost too late. These myths don’t just cause confusion. They cause arguments. About when to file, how much you’re owed, who gets what, and whether you can even trust the system at all.
Let’s break down the seven Social Security myths that fuel the most fights among couples and how you can avoid falling into these traps when retirement finally arrives.
Social Security Myths That Lead to Fights
1. “We Should Both Claim Benefits As Soon As We Can.”
Social Security allows you to start collecting benefits as early as age 62. But what many people don’t realize is that doing so permanently reduces your monthly payout. If you wait until your full retirement age (typically 66 to 67, depending on when you were born), you get your full benefit. Wait even longer (up to age 70), and your benefit actually increases due to delayed retirement credits.
In couples where both spouses retire around the same time, the urge to claim early and “enjoy life now” can be strong. But if one spouse is in good health and has a longer life expectancy, delaying their benefits can mean thousands more per year in household income later on, especially for the surviving spouse. Arguments often start when one partner feels pressure to delay for the sake of the other, or worse, when someone claims too early without consulting their spouse. Timing matters, and decisions should be made together.
2. “If I Die First, You’ll Get My Full Benefit Automatically”
Another emotional trigger in retirement discussions comes from assuming the surviving spouse will automatically receive the deceased partner’s full Social Security benefit. Unfortunately, that’s not always true. Here’s how it really works: the surviving spouse is entitled to receive the higher of the two benefits—but not both. If your spouse passes away, you won’t collect their check in addition to your own. You’ll get whichever is greater, but you may lose the smaller benefit entirely.
This is a serious issue for couples where one partner had significantly lower lifetime earnings, worked part-time, or didn’t work outside the home. Many stay-at-home parents expect they’ll automatically inherit their partner’s full payout, but that’s only true if they qualify for the survivor benefit and meet certain age criteria.
Not understanding this rule has left many widows and widowers in financial chaos. It’s best to plan for survivor benefits now—not after it’s too late to adjust.
3. “We Both Worked, So Spousal Benefits Don’t Apply to Us”
Spousal benefits aren’t just for households with one income. If one spouse earned significantly more than the other, or if one had a non-traditional work history, it might make more financial sense for the lower earner to claim a spousal benefit rather than their own.
A spousal benefit allows one partner to claim up to 50% of the other’s full retirement benefit. This can be a better deal if your personal work record doesn’t qualify you for much on your own.
Arguments arise when one spouse insists on “claiming their own” out of pride or misunderstanding. In reality, coordinating benefits for maximum household income is smart—not a sign of weakness or dependence.
4. “Once We File, We Can Just Change Our Mind Later”
Once you file for Social Security, reversing that decision is tricky. There is a one-time, 12-month window where you can withdraw your application, but only if you pay back all the benefits you’ve received so far.
Couples sometimes make rushed filing decisions only to later realize they should’ve waited. By then, their monthly payment is locked in for life, and there’s no going back unless you’re willing and able to repay everything.
This myth can cause serious resentment between partners, especially if one feels rushed into filing early due to fear, pressure, or misinformation. Be absolutely sure you’re making the right move before filing.
5. “Social Security Is Going Bankrupt, So We Need to Grab Ours Now”
Fear around the future of Social Security is understandable. You’ve likely seen headlines warning the program will “run out of money” in the coming decades. While the trust fund is projected to be depleted by the 2030s, that doesn’t mean benefits will vanish.
Even without full funding, payroll taxes would still cover about 75–80% of current benefits. Lawmakers are also likely to intervene with changes before benefits are slashed.
Still, panic leads many to claim early, only to regret locking in a smaller check for life. The myth of total collapse is overstated. It’s better to make decisions based on your personal longevity, savings, and income needs. Not fear-driven headlines.
6. “Divorce Means I Lost All My Claim to Your Social Security”
This myth often surfaces in later-life divorces, and it leads to unnecessary stress, especially for long-married spouses. The truth is, if you were married for 10 years or more, you may still be entitled to claim a spousal benefit based on your ex-spouse’s work record. You don’t need their permission, and it won’t reduce what they or their new spouse receives.
Couples often don’t realize this rule applies to ex-spouses, which can cause arguments in blended families or second marriages. It’s worth investigating your eligibility, especially if your own benefit is significantly lower.
7. “Social Security Is Meant to Cover Everything We’ll Need in Retirement”
Perhaps the most dangerous myth of all is the idea that Social Security alone can sustain two people throughout retirement. For the average American, Social Security replaces only about 40% of pre-retirement income.
Relying solely on Social Security is a financial risk few couples can afford. And yet, many discover this reality too late—after they’ve left the workforce, downsized, and assumed the checks would stretch further than they do.
Disagreements often come up when one partner wants to continue working or saving while the other believes they’ve already “earned their rest.” A healthy retirement needs more than nostalgia—it needs a strategy.
Planning Together Is the Real Retirement Goal
Retirement isn’t just about collecting a check. It’s about building a lifestyle together. Social Security is a key piece of that puzzle, but misunderstanding the rules (or each other) can lead to more than just financial losses. It can lead to resentment, conflict, and fear.
Take time to understand the program before you claim. Talk honestly about your goals, your fears, and your financial reality. Retirement doesn’t have to be a battlefield. It can be a shared victory as long as you’re both reading the same rulebook.
What’s one Social Security myth you or someone you know believed until retirement made it personal?
Read More:
10 Times It Makes More Sense to Take Your Spouse’s Social Security
Riley is an Arizona native with over nine years of writing experience. From personal finance to travel to digital marketing to pop culture, she’s written about everything under the sun. When she’s not writing, she’s spending her time outside, reading, or cuddling with her two corgis.
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