While browsing through social media, I found a particular post that drew me in. A lady was asking about the financial burdens of her partner and how much they should take on. She asked how she was going to keep up her husbands spousal and child support payments to his ex-wife outside of the United States. He had recently lost income. She was worried that they would never reach financial independence with her now providing the main source of income to support these obligations. She wanted to know what to do to make sure they stayed on track financially and got everyone paid. This got me thinking, what are financial boundaries in relationships? How should they be addressed, and when should you not cross the line? Here’s my take.
What’s Her Role?
Her husband has a responsibility to pay support obligations to his ex-wife per their court agreements, not his wife. I’m all about helping my partner succeed, but I’m not taking on any support payments for a situation that did not involve me. That is not to say she should not be a source of support in a time of need. Her support, however, should be supplemental. It’s her partner’s job and responsibility to find viable solutions to his situation. Laws in different countries vary, so many people suggested speaking with an experienced attorney to help get payments temporarily reduced until he could find other employment. She notes that the ex-wife was granted spousal support for life. There is no way I would advocate for the current wife to pay into perpetuity.
What Should She Do?
I think she should provide supplemental support until he gets back on his feet. I also recommend that he step up to the plate and do what he needs to do to satisfy his debt obligations. He needs to find another job or some way to make an additional income to pay for the support that he owes. She should support him by paying in the short term and helping him come up with a list of resources and solutions that work for all parties involved. She could also help him come up with an action plan or even a household action plan that will be able to solve the problem while the home takes a little hit. Aside from that, she needs to set financial boundaries by communicating her concerns to her partner.
What If They Don’t Step Up
What if your partner does not step up? If that’s the case, they are not a child and they need to deal with the consequences of their actions. Don’t let someone bog you down with an issue they refuse to deal with, by leaving you to pick up the pieces.
I believe relationships are give-and-take, that you should support your loved one in their time of need, and work together to come up with solutions to problems in your life. That does not mean one person picks up all the slack in perpetuity while the other ignores their obligations. Helping each other set up an action plan, finding resources, speaking with an attorney, and setting financial boundaries in relationships, is the way to go in this scenario. What do you all think?
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Shatel Huntley has a Bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice from Georgia State University. In her spare time, she works with special needs adults and travels the world. Her interests include traveling to off-the-beaten-path destinations, shopping, couponing, and saving.
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