The problem with being budget minded is other people.

[b4freedom]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

When we mentioned that we paid off the house, and are debt free, they suddenly stopped talking to me and now completely ignore me at family functions. I really don't care anymore. Nor my husband cares about them that much. We try not to see them unless we have to. One of the brother-il-laws ows my husband thousands of dollars and my husband has asked for a payment of $100/month. It's been 4 yrs since than and my husband has never received a payment. If he was to ask again about the money, he feels he'll be considered the trouble maker in the family.

In their mind, their situation is partially your fault: You're well to do and you're not helping them. In fact, you make it worse because you want money from them. Why should they pay you back, you're well off, you paid off your debts. You should help them with theirs.

So many people have this mentality. I see it in my own family. It makes me sick. They don't see how their own actions got them into their situation.

[The Budget Man]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

[QUOTE=savvy06] This same people also never seem to deprive themselves of anything, and love to talk about the things they do, places they go to, stuff they buy.

I met a couple like this last week. The husband was totally unable to budget in any way. His poor wife tried so hard and you could tell there had been some huge arguments over wasted money. Anyway the husband had taken an equity loan on the house and has been using it to supplement their lifestyle.

When I brought up the subject of budgeting I was told very strongly that they didn't budget because it would be too limiting to them.

As the night went on I was able to get them to take the Personality Budgeting Quiz and talk about their answers with each other... Well that broke the ice. Then they saw their results. For the first time in their marriage they could see what they had known all along. They had totally different ways of looking at money.

To cut a long story short, there came a point in the discussion where a huge smile appeared on the husband's face. He turned to me and said... You mean that a budget gives me th right to choose where I spend my money. I'd alwasy seen a budget as telling me what I couldn't have.

Well I hardly have to say how relieved I was that he'd got to that point. The couple are now talking about money. They are starting to budget and I look forward to hearing how they'll go.

I guess the point of the story is that there are many people who truly don't understand what it is to budget. They get upset and feel threatened when others, especially from their family do well. Their responses are just what people have been saying in this thread.

We can't change them by telling them what to do, but we can let them discover the secrets of budgeting by pointing them to resources that work.

Please don't be too harsh on your relatives who aren't frugal.

Enjoy Your Money
The Budget Man

https://www.PersonalityBudgeting.com

The home of the free "Personality Budgeting Quiz"

[Ima saver]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

Why don't you start a topic and put up the personality budgeting Quiz. I have a very good friend that I have tried to get to budget, for years. I have gone over her bills and set her up on a plan, but she insists that I don't know what i am talking about and she does not make enough money to budget. I think she needs to take that quiz!!
I love to budget! As you said, it shows me what i CAN spend money on.

[savvy06]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

I've never been harsh on anyone. Nor have I ever bragged. I have mentioned ways that have been financially beneficial to us and have suggested to try them, but they've been brushed off. I really don't care. It doesn't effect my life in any way. It's their life. They're adults with actions and consiquences.

[Ima saver]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

We have not ever had any financial help from my in laws. They did not even buy us a wedding gift. But they were always very frugal with their money and retired at a very young age.

[The Budget Man]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

Why don't you start a topic and put up the personality budgeting Quiz. I have a very good friend that I have tried to get to budget, for years. I have gone over her bills and set her up on a plan, but she insists that I don't know what i am talking about and she does not make enough money to budget. I think she needs to take that quiz!!
I love to budget! As you said, it shows me what i CAN spend money on.

Thanks "Ima Saver"

What do other people think?

Would it be useful to have a discussion about what makes the "right personality to budget"?


I'm happy to kick it off as I've seen the looks of delight and excitemetn come over people's faces as they've realised that the problem they had with money was not them, but that they were trying to organise their money in ways that simply didn't suit them.

Comments please!!

Enjoy Your Money
The Budget Man

https://www.PersonalityBudgeting.com

Where you discover that budgeting can work for you!

[rickatheslicka]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

I would LOVE some insight into different budgeting personalities!

[Broken Arrow]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

Hey, anything that can improve my financial life, I'm all ears.

[rob62521]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

I think it would be interesting to see how personality affects budgeting.

[The Budget Man]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

I think it would be interesting to see how personality affects budgeting.

Hi Rob

I've posted a new thread called...


"The Wrong Personality For Budgeting"

This new thread looks at how our personality is the key to understanding the way we see money.

Hope you enjoy it.

The Budget Man
www.PersonalityBudgeting.com

[Ima saver]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

We did. I have been having trouble on another forum with a person who thinks I talk about money too much. I just found out that they have serious money problems. They have cheated their customers, not paid their sub contractors, had liens put on their property and bounced many many a check. No wonder they don't want to talk about money. They definately need to be on this forum.

[b4freedom]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

We did. I have been having trouble on another forum with a person who thinks I talk about money too much. I just found out that they have serious money problems. They have cheated their customers, not paid their sub contractors, had liens put on their property and bounced many many a check. No wonder they don't want to talk about money. They definately need to be on this forum.

It worries me that so many contractors and subcontractors have so many problems with money. I see it all the time.

[Ima saver]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

I see it all the time also. If you ae licensed in North Carolina you have to provide your financial report, showing all assets and liabilities. You have to have a certain amount of money to be a licensed contractor.
That is not true here in Georgia. We see many contractors come into the area, build a house or two , then skip out with the money.
It is important to get a lot of reference letters with addresses and phone numbers. We give out a list of about 30 previous customers.
If I was building a house, I would also ask for a credit check and a credit score from the builder. If he would not provide it, I would move on.

[tinapbeana]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

I must admit I am mostly blessed in the area of frugal family. My mother is one of 6 kids who grew up on a farm, her mom was one of 7 who grew up as share croppers during the depression. As you might imagine: HOLY COW are we a frugal family!

At the same time, I feel almost like the spendthrift of the lot, which is no fun at all. IMO, I've let them down by getting into debt when I was in college (even though it's not something most everyone even knows about). Granted, I was the first one to go to college, but that's neither here nor there.

DH comes from an exceedingly frugal family too: a SAHM and father who is a pastor/contractor. Even now they make less than 20k per year and live quite well.

And that leads to my confusion, b/c DH is quite the spendy personality type, and feels if there's enough in the checking account to cover it, we can certainly afford X. ARRRRGH!

He freely admits he's bad with money and budgets & handed that over to me soon after we met (before we were even married). It's gotten to the point where I have to point out to him what we owe, what we pay out each month, and why it's important we save (since niether one of use has 401k). I dunno, I think he's starting to (maybe?) catch my drift.

[The Budget Man]

Re: The problem with being budget minded is other people.

Visited little sister the other day. Always a pleasant time. It's amazing how well she has done on a single income to modernize her home, update her auto and still she always seems to be on a trip somewhere.

Watching how budget minded she is is also great. For years she used to make a coin cry before she would spend it. Now she has a great attitude to money and has such a balanced outlook.

Now if only we were all like her.

Enjoy Your Money
The Budget Man
A balanced budget in half the time of traditional budgets

www.TheBudgetMan.com