The next step?

[ua_guy]

This might be a little personal but in the end it's about money and chasing health and happiness.

My husband and I have dealt with some heavy stuff this year and the last couple years have been no joke, either. It's left us with a heightened sense of mortality as well as an urgency to really seize the next 15-20 years before we can start considering retirement. Improving our health now to set ourselves up for success later has been front/center on our minds. Maybe it's like a midlife crisis, although, this is happening later, we're in our early-mid 40's. Change is afoot, but what/when have been unclear. We've been seeing more and more clues and identifying where our priorities have shifted. The good part - we want to do this together.

If you have experienced something similar, what did it look like, what did you do? Is this a natural tipping point at this age?

We are considering downsizing our lifestyle considerably and moving somewhere warm. Looking at homes online in an area we know, we can buy something we'd like for half the value of what we own today for cash. We'd pocket the other half in cash to bring us that much closer to retirement. The driver is health...we can reduce overhead and be active year-round. Right now, we can take our jobs with us. This has got "soft retirement" written all over it, and it's a place we could theoretically stay when we do decide to hang up the work badges for good.

Thoughts, snickers, advice, experiences?

[bjl584]

I haven't considered moving, but as I get older (45) I have become much more aware of health issues, especially in my family. Diabetes and High blood pressure are present on both sides. I've always been an avid gym goer, but recently I've added some cardio to my weight training routine, and I've been working to clean up my diet,

The sense of invincibility I had in my 20's and 30's is starting to fade for sure.

[disneysteve]

I think what you're experiencing is totally normal and has been very much in the news since COVID started. The pandemic caused millions of people to take a good hard look at their lives as they saw their friends and loved ones falling victim to the virus and either dying or being disabled as a result whether they were 88 or 38. Many people who could retired early. Many more switched jobs to escape ones they didn't like and found new ones that they did. Many switched to work from home positions as those rapidly became mainstream. Many others started their own businesses to get out from under working for someone else.

When COVID hit, my wife and I weren't quite ready for me to pull the plug or else I totally would have as 2020 into 2021 was absolutely horrendous in my job. Once I lost my cousin in early 2021, I suddenly found myself with the funds to change things sooner than expected. I switched to working part time (24 instead of 36 hours) and was constantly crunching the numbers to see when I could cut back even more. In August 2022 I dropped to per diem and since then have worked between 0 and 12 hours a week, mostly 4 or 8, which has been great. For context, I just turned 59 in August so I was just 57 when I went PT and about to turn 58 when I went per diem.

We were seriously looking to buy a house in Florida but those plans got put on pause when my wife got sick in late 2021. Also my aging mother is keeping us in NJ and I'm not sure what our daughter would do if we decided to move. Plus Florida became such a sh*t show politically that I really have no desire to join their population right now.

If you've got a place that you both feel you'd like to live and you both have portable jobs and the move would free up cash to supercharge your retirement savings, that sounds like a great plan.

[kork13]

It's not at all uncommon for folks in their 40s to seek a major life change. It's the classic 'mid-life crisis' period. But don't take the label as being a bad thing, it isn't at all. You've got 20+ years of adulthood under your belt, looking ahead to hopefully decades more. I think perhaps it's merely a tipping point of wisdom, where you start to see with a clearer eye what's truly most important to you. For some, they find that they're already engaged in those most-important aspects of life. Others, such as yourself, may see that a change is merited. So long as you handle that realization appropriately and with clarity, it's most likely going to serve you well. The 'mid-life crisis' only goes poorly for those who see a need for change, but either can't handle taking the steps to make that change, or decide to just burn everything down & start "fresh" (enter cars, boats, drugs, new relationships, and whatever else).

From what I can tell, you're approaching this period in your life with a clear eye & level head. I see zero concerns in what you're considering. Relocating, focusing on health & your relationship, simplifying your life, and all the while keeping your employment mostly steady? I see nothing but goodness. So I'll simply wish you both the best. I only hope that the health concerns, if not resolved, are at least reasonably well-managed & under control.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

me too. We hit a mid life crisis in 2015 when we quit and moved cross country to seek a better life for our family. We weren't quit 40. Now in 2020 we started again and changed our evolved our careers again and we were 43 and 41. Now 2023 my DH is examining his life and career. It's been a rough year for us too. He's done. 3 years ago he was certain he would work until 2034, now he's counting the days until he can quit. I don't exactly know when it is, but 2030 we will definitely be lifting our roots and moving somewhere else our youngest will be in college. It'll be time for our change. We'll be 51 and 53. I can feel us counting the days.

Strangely we had brunch with friends this weekend who have 2 kids exactly our kids ages. The husband/wife are also 43, he said, day after graduation in 2030 their house in on the market and they are moving.

[ua_guy]

Thanks for the replies and sharing experiences. My husband had testicular cancer this year and that was our big wake-up. It was scary, even being one of the most treatable forms of cancer, and he caught it early. It doesn't stop being scary, either. Now, after the surgery, he goes in every 3 months for scans and blood tests to make sure the cancer hasn't come back, or spread anywhere else. This will continue for the next 2 years or so.

The husband is seriously excited about this idea of moving, so we'll let it be novel for now and see where it leads. We have existing plans to be there (Palm Springs area, if I haven't mentioned) for a month this winter, so we'll probably look at some places and challenge some of our assumptions and ideas. Or we may go early on a separate trip so we can do our recon and not disrupt our plans.

This gives me a lot of pause just based on the scale of change. There's a lot I'm ready to give up and some stuff I'll be more reluctant to see it go, like having a workshop, or seeing elk walk through our yard, we live in a truly amazing place already. But the winters are hard to take. Both of us just feel so much better, we're so much more active, eat better, eat less when we're in a warm climate. What if that was most of the year, would it help us live our best lives? I don't know, but I'm inclined to think yes.

[myrdale]

Personally I'd rather live on the pan handle and find something a little more in the country rather than being on the coast. If you're not limiting finding something more rural, you can buy a house on some property in Florida and still have a workshop. You'll have deer, possums, fire ants, and armadillos in your yard instead of elk.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Sometimes the planning takes awhile. I am surprised by how many people take 3-5 year to launch into their retirement and sort everything. It's almost like a job itself. All the financial considerations aside, there are things I'm surprised how much people look at from medical care, entertainment, friends, house they want, retirement community or not. It's interesting.

[disneysteve]

Thanks for the replies and sharing experiences. My husband had testicular cancer this year and that was our big wake-up. It was scary, even being one of the most treatable forms of cancer, and he caught it early. It doesn't stop being scary, either. Now, after the surgery, he goes in every 3 months for scans and blood tests to make sure the cancer hasn't come back, or spread anywhere else. This will continue for the next 2 years or so.

The husband is seriously excited about this idea of moving, so we'll let it be novel for now and see where it leads. We have existing plans to be there (Palm Springs area, if I haven't mentioned) for a month this winter, so we'll probably look at some places and challenge some of our assumptions and ideas. Or we may go early on a separate trip so we can do our recon and not disrupt our plans.

This gives me a lot of pause just based on the scale of change. There's a lot I'm ready to give up and some stuff I'll be more reluctant to see it go, like having a workshop, or seeing elk walk through our yard, we live in a truly amazing place already. But the winters are hard to take. Both of us just feel so much better, we're so much more active, eat better, eat less when we're in a warm climate. What if that was most of the year, would it help us live our best lives? I don't know, but I'm inclined to think yes.

I think spending a month there is a great idea. It will give you a chance to see what living there, as opposed to vacationing there, is like. A lot of people spend a week somewhere and decide they'd love to live there, but being a resident is very different than being a tourist.

Hopefully you've also spent a good deal of time "living" there in peak summer heat, not just winter. That could change one's mind about feeling much better and being more active.

[ua_guy]

I had to look on a map. Apparently there is a Palm Springs, FL. But I'm talking about Palm Springs, California. Although, not specifically Palm Springs, we'd be looking in some of the newer communities surrounding the city proper like Palm Desert, Cathedral City. The 115 degree heat in direct sun is like walking into an air fryer. That definitely goes into the "con" column. Friends of ours who live there say most tourists and retirees vacate for July/August and everyone left behind stays inside, mostly. I'm told the early mornings and late evenings are still usable if one needs to be outdoors.

I couldn't do Florida because of the humidity, and I don't think I'd do coastal Florida because of hurricanes. The California desert is relatively well protected, it's just the heat that can be an issue, sometimes a big monsoon. Little earthquakes, every time we've been down there it's a little rock n' roll. We get that at home too, just part of living near fault lines and big mountains.

[disneysteve]

I had to look on a map. Apparently there is a Palm Springs, FL. But I'm talking about Palm Springs, California. Although, not specifically Palm Springs, we'd be looking in some of the newer communities surrounding the city proper like Palm Desert, Cathedral City. The 115 degree heat in direct sun is like walking into an air fryer. That definitely goes into the "con" column. Friends of ours who live there say most tourists and retirees vacate for July/August and everyone left behind stays inside, mostly. I'm told the early mornings and late evenings are still usable if one needs to be outdoors.

I couldn't do Florida because of the humidity, and I don't think I'd do coastal Florida because of hurricanes. The California desert is relatively well protected, it's just the heat that can be an issue, sometimes a big monsoon. Little earthquakes, every time we've been down there it's a little rock n' roll. We get that at home too, just part of living near fault lines and big mountains.

Ah. Yes, I was thinking of Florida. The heat there is bad but nothing like the 115 heat, but then the humidity is bad in Florida. I have enough trouble dealing with the heat and humidity in NJ. I can't imagine how I'd manage in Florida full time. If we do buy a place there, it will be to go back and forth and certainly to spend the winters.

[ua_guy]

Analysis Paralysis !! More than just napkin math, we've spent a few days putting real numbers to it.

We had a realtor do a market/comp analysis and it confirms what we also know. She says the time to sell is now, like right now, and she's not wrong. We're in our last stretch of nice weather, pretty fall leaves are still on trees, and we have time to catch a sale before the holidays. Regarding waiting until Spring, she says it's anyone's guess. The market is softening all around us; our county continues to hold, but who knows for how long. Net proceed calculations will have us pocketing $500k minimum after buying on the other end, and that's if we spend the maximum of our anticipated spend. So there's a little added urgency.

Pump the brakes on that last paragraph: We'll increase our tax liability in CA by almost $45k/year. Nothing to sneeze at. We don't have income tax in our state, and we don't have some of the municipal taxes that some cities in CA do. We knew about this. One of the primary financial drivers is extracting equity in a home we think has reached its maximum value for some years to come. If the value drops 100k, that's ~2 years of income tax and it's money we don't actually have to subtract from our paychecks.

All the other numbers feel small compared to net proceeds and increased tax liability. Living expenses will be about the same. Initially, there will be some added travel expense. We aren't sure, but my folks have been talking about moving down there as well, and to be close to them would be icing on the cake.

Health and happiness are priceless, and the motivation is to be in a nearly year-round climate of enabling a more active lifestyle. But at what point does the money side of it not make sense, since we also have to live that?

[kork13]

Woof, those CA taxes are no joke! Just something to check -- do they have any form of homestead exemption that would reduce those taxes? Many states I've lived in offer a 20-50% property tax reduction via homestead. So would your average cost of living actually go UP even though you're downsizing significantly with your home?

Honestly, those taxes would be a non-starter for me, especially knowing that your intention is to live there for the long term & there's nothing really besides preference driving your location choice (job, family issues, etc.). You're extracting $500k in home equity to downsize (hooray!) but that will get burned up within a decade of living in Palm Springs. Personally, I'd be looking for somewhere different. If you're open to other ideas ...

- Partial to the southwest: look at NV (Reno or LV suburbs), southern UT (St. George), higher elevations of AZ or NM (Flagstaff, Prescott, Santa Fe), maybe out to central TX (DFW, Austin).
- Maybe a different area of CA would be less expensive for the long-term: Sacramento/Vacaville, Modesto, Fresno, Eureka, Chico. I'm not super familiar with CA, so those are just some areas I've heard/read are less crazy-expensive than LA/SF/SD & surrounding.
- Open to anywhere: Charleston, SC; Asheville/Greensboro/Charlotte, NC; Chattanooga/Knoxville, TN; Birmingham, AL; Savannah/Augusta/Athens, GA. Jacksonville or Tampa, FL are also good, but I know you're not interested there.

Personally, I'd open the aperture and really explore your options. Certainly do some thorough research, but I think you'd be pleasantly surprised. There are some fantastic possibilities across the country, and you can pretty reliably find great weather, welcoming environment, lots to do/see/enjoy, etc. in many locations that you might not expect.

(Sorry, I know this doesn't help with analysis paralysis)

ETA: Actually helping with the analysis paralysis this time --- Since it sounds like you have the flexibility to work from anywhere (?) .... maybe just press with the home sale, and spend a few months on the road trying out various cities. Rent a house for a month or two, then move on. Try out a few different cities, give it long enough to get a feel for the area & do your research, then after 6-12 months of roaming, you'll have a great idea of what you really enjoy, value, and where you want to plant roots. My answer to analysis paralysis is to extend the timeline on your decision making.

[scfr]

In our mid-40's we relocated from the PNW to Texas where we lived for 12 years. We moved back to the PNW 4-1/2 years ago (we're 60-ish now) to be near family members who need our assistance due to age and declining health, and also we felt like our time in Texas had run its course. We loved our time in Texas; moving there was a real adventure as we didn't know anyone there. I had to close my little business before the move. Fortunately, my husband's business can be done from anywhere so we knew we'd have income. I found work, both paid and volunteer, and we enjoyed taking mini-vacations around the state with a final road trip to Arkansas before we moved back. And family from both coasts and overseas came to visit. We had lots of houseguests! We proved the naysayers who said we'd be back within a year wrong.

Three things that comes to mind when I read your posts ua_guy .

Number 1: It sounds like you might be trading 2-3 months of crappy winter weather when you don't do much outdoors for 2-3 months of crappy summer weather when you don't do much outdoors.

Number 2: I wonder if there are things you could do "in the meantime" . . . What I mean by that is, while you contemplate a move, what could you do in the meantime to achieve some of what you want from the possible relocation? Are there some fun indoor activities you could explore during the grey winter months? Line dancing? Indoor rock climbing? Roller skating? Basketball league? Swimming? Or what about setting up a home gym? You can find good prices on used equipment on places like FB Marketplace. Or find a way to just suck it up and get outside even if it's raining, perhaps by getting a dog that needs to be walked?

Number 3: I never met a real estate agent who didn't think that NOW is the best time to sell or buy.

Just a couple things to think about. It sounds like a potentially exciting time of change and I join with the others who are wishing you good luck as you contemplate your next move.

P.S. Editing to add that we have been discussing either getting a condo or renting an apartment in DH's birth country. He likes to spend a few months there every year, and now that both of his parents are dead it would be nice for him to have a "home base" instead of living out of hotels. So we're also doing a fair bit of of thinking and calculating.

[ua_guy]

kork13, scfr Thank you for your thoughtful responses.

We are considering other places, but most states have a state income tax whereas our home state doesn't. Arizona's is fairly minimal at 2.5%, California's is as high as 13% on a progressive rate, Utah is a flat 4.5%. Definitely something to consider. Or, potentially keeping a second residence and making sure to meet the requirements to be able to claim primary residence there, although that would involve a lot more travel.

We do want another dog eventually, and nothing is keeping us from being more active right now/here even with the crappy weather sitting in for fall. For now, the RE agent has been parked while we give this some thought. I'm not sure where in the PNW you live, scfr, but mid-October through potentially the beginning of July are mostly cool, wet, and gray here in the Seattle area. Sure, we get our token week or two of clearing and a few nice days, but it gets heavy. By February I'm usually depressed lol.