So upset ! UNEXPECTED expenses just keep popping up

[Beginning]

Hi,

Please help. I hope I am being paranoid but I feel that the Universe is CONSPIRING AGAINST my ability to save.

So far this year, we had a small tax refund (quickly fixed by increasing our allowances - don't want Uncle Sam or his little sister, Aunt Califa, to enjoy interest free loans from us anymore). Anyway, we've had a tax refund, a good sized bonus check and steady income from jobs.

HOWEVER, we've also been hit with MAJOR bills. Our car had a safety issue that led to the manufacturer offering a free replacement if we could prove we paid for X / Y / Z. We never got the warning on time, and we can't seem to find our purchase records (car is 5 years old) so we have to replace this on our own dime. Then my nephew with special needs had a series of medical issues and his mother - my sister - had to stay home with him on loss of pay terms. That meant I had to help my parents pay their tax bills (normally my sister - whose single and lives rent free with them - pays it). Then, an elderly in-law (in another continent) suddenly passed away and Hubby had to book last minute tickets at a steep cost AND pay off some of her last medical bills (this was the person who raised him). Our lease renewal then came around and increased our rent by $100 each month. UGH !

Just one big expense after the other. I am exhausted and overwhelmed. Our savings are back to bare bones. I know we could be doing worse (as in have NO savings) but this is *very* discouraging. Almost as if the Universe just doesn't want us to get ahead.

Help ! How do you all deal with such unexpected expenses ? Or are we struggling because we joined the Savings bandwagon so late and had very little to begin with ? But everyone starts somewhere .. so how do we get ahead, despite these set-backs ?

Please help !

[james.hendrickson]

Do you have an emergency fund?

What about a budget that accounts for these unexpected expenses?

[Beginning]

Do you have an emergency fund?

What about a budget that accounts for these unexpected expenses?

Our "emergency fund" vaporized after these unexpected expenses. IF it hadn't been for me socking money away every month, then we would not have been able to meet any of these when they happened. So now we have to restart and rebuild our savings.

That's what worries me. We just can't seem to get ahead. Something similar happened last year (car trouble and some medical supplies for my nephew that his primary or Medi-cal wouldn't cover) and then we managed to climb back up and save again.. then whoooooooooooosh. Along came a tidal wave of unrelenting expenses and back to Square 1 !

Help !

[sblatner]

Could you talk to the car repair place and see if they have records of the repairs?

[msomnipotent]

The mechanic or dealership should have records for your repairs, unless you did them yourself. Even if you can't get your paperwork I would still talk to the manufacturer and see if anything else can be done. If it was warrantied or recalled, all they should need is your VIN#.

I know how you feel. When we were going through a tough time, it seemed like there was a huge bill waiting for me at every turn. Our dog and cat died after a lot of medical expenses, both of our cars needed more repairs than what the cars were worth, the furnace died during winter, etc. Not to mention all the smaller things, like my daughter needing new clothes all the time. She grew a foot within a short amount of time. I was starting to think she had some sort of medical problem because she grew so fast. I wondered if someone actually cursed us.

But on the plus side, it sounds like most things have passed (except the car, and that will eventually pass too), and your emergency fund did what it was supposed to do! It takes a long time, but eventually you will get ahead. Keep trying!

[disneysteve]

Our "emergency fund" vaporized after these unexpected expenses. IF it hadn't been for me socking money away every month, then we would not have been able to meet any of these when they happened.

I think you're looking at this wrong. You're doing exactly what we all preach every day. You've saved an EF and then had the funds available when the emergencies hit. Then you rebuilt your EF and were again ready when new emergencies hit.

Think what would have happened had you not been socking away that money. Pat yourself on the back for being prepared for what life has thrown at you.

The one thing that concerns me is that some of those "emergencies" are things that really shouldn't have been your expense or responsibility. Why are you paying for extended family member's expenses like your nephew's medical supplies? Where were his parents? Why did you have to pay your deceased in-law's medical expenses? Your husband was in no way responsible for those bills. When the person died, that should have been the end of it, or the assets of their estate should have been used to pay those bills.

So one thing the two of you might want to talk about is where you draw the line on helping others.

[Drake3287]

I hope your husband was helping the surviving spouse with those medical bills, your husband is/was under no legal obligation to pay a relatives medical bill's. Most if not all financial professionals will tell you to walk away from them, especially if the deceased has no estate.

[scfr]

1. Helping the Extended Family: I agree with the suggestion that you and your husband have a discussion about where you draw the line on helping others. If you did not have your emergency savings, how would you parents have paid the tax bill? How would the deceased relative's final medical bills have been paid if you had not been able to help? If the two of you agree that if there is a family member in need, at any time, and you are able to then you will help, that's OK! But if that is your decision, then I think you need to stop considering such expenses "unexpected" because in almost every family there is always someone in need. You need to plan for that. This is not something I've ever thought about or suggested before, but since you seem to have caring hearts and want to help your extended family when you can, what if you set up 2 "emergency funds"? One could be for helping extended family with "unexpected" expenses, and one could be funds that you reserve only for emergencies within your immediate family, no exceptions. You could continue to help your family while also holding the line and making sure you don't put a hole in your own life boat.

Another thought on helping extended family ... are there gift-giving occasions when you could give practical gifts in lieu of unnecessary consumer goods? A couple examples are that I give my niece & nephew contributions to their college funds. Also, I have several family members who are frankly terrible about personal finance. So, I have given things like walkers, mattresses, and cell phones (necessary to do a job) as gifts. It's very rare now that I give anything that anyone would consider "frivolous" because I have several family members who are getting up there in years who have needs that they are, to be blunt, unwilling to save up for.

2. Focus on What You Can Control: Life happens. Continue to focus on what you can control. One thing that jumped out at me in your post was that you were unable to find the purchase records for your vehicle. Would your personal finances benefit from improved organization of your records? If so, that's an area where you have control and you may be able to improve how you are able to handle the inevitable "unexpected" events in the future.

Hang in there. As you know, the situations you faced would have been much worse had you not already built up some savings! Good luck!

[Gailete]

Seeing your post, it seems that only three of those 'expenses' were yours by rights to deal with. Even the car, if it were recalled for a defect should have been handled by them without you proving things - at least that is how it has worked for any recall that has come out way. A flight to a funeral at a last minute is an expenses that was yours, but not at all paying off their final medical bills. The lease is of course, your problem.

Paying your folks tax bills, paying for your nephews bills, etc. aren't your responsibility. That is where you are having so many expenses that are wiping out your savings. I don't mean to be unsympathetic nor does anyone else here, but you can't take care of your whole family and then wonder why the universe is against you and your savings plan. You can either budget large amounts for caring for your family in their inevitable needs or you will have to say no to them.

For instance your nephew sounds like he has chronic health problems. Unless you are planning on helping subsidize his health care needs for life and by extension your sister and her responsibility towards your parents. Not sure where you all are located, but it seems there should some government ways or programs to help them out. You may find that taking the time to research what sort of help other than the most obvious like Medicaid are available. That would be a non-monetary help for your sister that might save your savings account. Also are there other family members that can help, or are you and your sister the only ones? At times back when I was working, I would try to help out my family when they needed it, but never in amounts that was unaffordable for me or would make my financial situation worse.

I think this is one of the things that you will have to do and either decide how much you can potentially give to family each year and stick with that amount. Not being unsympathetic, but you can be thinking you can take all this responsibility on yourself, unless you are making oodles of money with oodles in savings, you can't afford it. Most of us can't nor would we be expected to nor would we ourselves expect to do it.

Sorry that you find yourself in this situation.

[Sammydabullz]

To add to the thoughts over helping extended family. Your extended family should suffer the consequences of their own financial decisions and problems. You need to allow them to suffer. If your savings is going to your extended family, then where will you get the money to pay for your own needs? Will you stop the cycle or will you allow it to pass on to your children? You will end up needing to have your children to help pay your bills and the cycle continues on to the next generation.
At some point someone has to say no and put an end to the vicious cycle. So that you can create a legacy(inheritance) to be passed down to the next generation.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I would say that you are living life. You had an EF and used it for good purpose. It happens to everyone. Trust me that was us a year ago. But you keep on moving forward and appreciate that you can financially manage without going into debt.

[disneysteve]

What percentage of your earnings do you keep as an emergency fund?
That is very necessary. I personally keep up to a 15% of my earnings.

I've never heard anyone suggest your EF should be a certain percentage of earnings. I've always heard it expressed in terms of expenses - 3 months or 6 months or 8 months worth of expenses.