Anyone reluctant to divorce due to finances?

[StormRichards]

It is not uncommon to hear someone say they are staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids. What about because of finances?

Not wanting to start over. No money for a lawyer. Forced back to renting.

Anyone here staying because of financial reasons?

[disneysteve]

I have a friend in a related situation. She and her husband agreed to divorce months ago. I'm not sure where the actual divorce stands but their problem is that neither of them can afford to move out. The house has been on the market for months but hasn't sold. Until it does and they each get their share, they continue to live together. Clearly a very awkward and uncomfortable situation (and for their 3 kids). They just have no savings to support themselves until they get the house money.

[FLA]

I stayed longer than I intended because I thought I couldn't afford to raise my kids as a single parent. It wasn't until I got myself to a reasonably priced lawyer, that she showed me it could be done. Were there lifestyle changes, you betcha, but better quality of life for all involved was well worth it.

if you use a mediator and negotiate things yourselves and then present them to the mediator or a lawyer, you'll save money. If every decision has to go back and forth between you two and your lawyers, you'll have crazy legal bills.

[StormRichards]

Based on our individual incomes, neither of us would be able to afford to buy a home in our current school district. The rentals are in a much less desirable section of the district.

If the marriage was volatile and abusive, it would make sense to me to get out at all costs. However, since it is not, the financial burden and sacrifices just don't seem worth it to me.

[FLA]

only you can know when it's the right time

[HundredK]

I think it's a question of opportunity cost. How much is not getting divorced costing you in the form of delayed happiness? That's a tough thing for anyone but you and your spouse to truly judge.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Pretty much all of my friends who are unhappily married are staying for financial reasons. Most stay at home and worry about going back to work. Some are working but can't afford another rent/house payment if they separate. So they are all basically waiting for kids to get into school full time to make finances manageable to divorce.

[FLA]

going back to work after the kids are older and a divorce occurs is really hard for SAHMS. I didn't go into my marriage with the intent to divorce, but when my ex encouraged me to be a SAHM, I insisted on staying part time as things change fast in the nursing field and I didn't want to be unemployable. But I really feel for SAHMS trying to get back in. Alimony doesn't last long much these days.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

It is hard. But also going back to work opens people eyes and makes them stronger to want to leave a bad situation so it's not always being forced to work but choosing to work and finding something better.

[FLA]

that is very true

[StormRichards]

I can only imagine how difficult the decision would be for a stay at home parent out of the workforce for a long period of time. That isn't the situation I am in. We both work and make decent money combined. However, not good enough money to live in our school district individually.

[TexasHusker]

I can only imagine how difficult the decision would be for a stay at home parent out of the workforce for a long period of time. That isn't the situation I am in. We both work and make decent money combined. However, not good enough money to live in our school district individually.

My wife declared herself "stay at home" in December of 1999, about 30 minutes after my son was born. Ww are infinitely wealthier from her decision, not with material wealth, but a wealth of memories raising our children, and we trust that the wealth we pass on to them will inspire them to do the same when they have kids of their own.

Divorce has never even approached being on the table.

[StormRichards]

My wife declared herself "stay at home" in December of 1999, about 30 minutes after my son was born. Ww are infinitely wealthier from her decision, not with material wealth, but a wealth of memories raising our children, and we trust that the wealth we pass on to them will inspire them to do the same when they have kids of their own.

Divorce has never even approached being on the table.

Do you think her decision to be a SAHM is a main factor for the health of your marriage?

If not, I am not really sure how your response is relevant to the topic.

[GoodSteward]

Do you think her decision to be a SAHM is a main factor for the health of your marriage?

If not, I am not really sure how your response is relevant to the topic.

I know for us it was. We were working opposite shifts, and had been for so long we considered ourselves single. I was a single parent dealing with two toddlers every evening while she was at work. It's what we had to do but as soon as the opportunity came up for her to quit work and stay at home we took it. I'm not sure if we would still be together if we hadn't finally had that relief.

I've never considered a divorce because I don't believe in divorcing, but that doesn't mean I haven't questioned leaving more than once. However, I stuck it out and worked it out(still working on it) and we've been together 11 years now. Life happens and one of the biggest lies we can think is that we married the wrong person. Everybody has problems, and there is nobody that will mmagically make your own problems no longer be problems. To anybody that is in need of help I suggest a weekend to remember marriage retreat. We had an awesome time.

As far as the OP. "It's cheaper to keep her" is what I always hear from others. Not to mention this leaves lasting scars on children. Parents always consider their own happiness and assume the children are indifferent. When you break a home, you break the whole thing. Just some things to remember.

[bjl584]

I used to work with someone (a total scumbag of a man) that would routinely have affairs and cheat on his wife. His wife was aware of it, but she stayed with him. He was the vice president of the company and was making a substantial income. She stayed for that reason alone. That's about as hollow as it gets.