Paying for weddings

[kork13]

My wife & I saved up about $15k for everything related to our wedding, which in our opinion was quite extravagant. That included rings, travel/lodging between 3 states for the ceremony & 3 receptions of various sizes, food for a total of about 200 people, honeymoon cruise, photography & printing, dress/suit/tailoring, and just about anything else that came up...... And we still ended up with about $3000 left afterward, which was applied to my wife's student loans.

My point is that it's not difficult to have a very nice, enjoyable, and classy wedding on a reasonable budget. Had we only traveled to Illinois for the ceremony & small reception we did there, we could have spent less than $3k (not counting her ring). All the rest was for pure enjoyment, and accommodating as many of our family & friends as we could, because those relationships are what we value. That anyone feels the need (or even has the creativity!) to spend that much on a wedding is astonishing to me. I would struggle to spend that much if I tried! (that is, without intentionally wasting money)

[marvholly]

My daughters maaried in 2003 (28 y/o) and 2005 (26 y/o). We gave them a set amount of money (inflation adjusted for the 2nd) and told them every other expense was on them. I believe in boh cases the ILs matched our contribution.

Both budgeted carefully and prioritized their spending to what was important to them (pix, flowers, food......). Both paid CASH for everything, no debt after the weddings to pay off.

[Like2Plan]

I expect we will chip in something for DS's wedding. He is not engaged yet, but he and his GF have talked about weddings. It sounds like her dream wedding would be very small (wedding party and immediate families). In any case, I would not want DS and his future bride to have to cover the cost of a wedding.

[BuckyBadger]

Should I have kids I'll do what my dad did for me. He cut me a check for a reasonable amount of money - enough to completely cover a modest wedding. He said we could do with it what we wanted but that it was all we were getting.

We decided to spend what he gave us and add a little bit on top to splurge on a few things.

I think that's the fairest way to do it, personally.

[phantom]

My parents paid for my 2009 wedding. Shortly after I got engaged, my mom told me she and my dad had discussed it and that they were able to afford to pay $5000 toward the wedding. Then I started looking at places for the reception and found most of them wanted $50/person or more. A few wanted $35-40/person, but even that looked like it would eat most of the $6000 if I invited 100 people. I considered doing things like inviting fewer people, going with fake flowers, or skipping the photographer to keep the price tag under $5000. My husband and I were buying a house, and for us, that was a much higher priority than a party. But, my mom wanted a big, fancy party, so she came up with another $1000. In general, I think it's a bit silly for the bride's parents to be responsible for the cost of a wedding. But, since my mom wanted my wedding to meet a certain standard, and I wasn't willing to pay for it to meet that standard, and my husband's family wasn't offering to help at all, I think it paid sense for my parents to pay.

I have a daughter of my own now, and if she gets married some day, I imagine we'll give her whatever we can afford to cash flow towards it. If I ever have a son, I'd treat his wedding the same as his sister's. Unlike my mother, I doubt my husband or I will care how much say we get in the wedding. So, we'll probably just write a generous check and be done with it.

[ua_guy]

My folks paid for my sister's wedding and that carries tradition on both mom and dad's side. All of the weddings have been very expensive, very "upper class", very traditional.

I'm getting married to my partner of 12 years and we're not asking for anything and we're not borrowing anything. My mom is insistent we do *something* so I said I'd rent the local Elk's lodge for the afternoon, and we could have sandwiches and beer brought in if people would like to join us.

I was being 70% serious and 30% was my interjection of very simple, almost-redneck humor that my mother absolutely cannot stand about me. I also told her I'd buy a new t-shirt to wear for the occasion. I could hear her teeth grinding.

Seriously though...I'd never expect my parents to pay for my own wedding. Isn't that what being an adult is about? Making your own decisions, paying your own way? I don't feel the need to impress people, certainly not my own family, certainly not my partner's family, who doesn't have a lot of money. If people want to come party on our dime, then we get to do the planning!

[Fishindude77]

My daughter is a wedding planner in a very well to do area. They do lots of weddings with price tags in excess of $150,000 and have done them as expensive as $500,000. It's all relative to what you can afford. These are big money people that want to make a splash with their friends and family, and it's not hurting them any worse than another person paying $5,000 for a wedding.

Do what you can afford and live within your means. Don't put your personal finances at risk for a daughters wedding.

[Bright]

We plan to give each of the boys $6,000 -$10,000 towards a wedding. If they elope they can keep it. We were recently with friends who were talking about their daughters wedding. It was beautiful. $38,000 worth of beautiful. Yikes!

[disneysteve]

We haven't ever really talked about this with DD. She's really not the type for a big fancy affair, though. She doesn't like being the center of attention. We did a fairly elaborate reception for her Bat Mitzvah, but her wedding day is really her call, not ours. I imagine she'll want something low key with just close friends and family. I doubt she would want more than 100 people and maybe even less.

We saved for her Bat Mitzvah celebration. We are not saving for a future wedding. When that time comes, we'll help out to the extent that we are able.

[erin42685]

This is still a tradition ? I paid for my own and kept it manageable, around 10k. Considering the economy and general status of the country, remind your daughter less is more. I much prefer having student loans to pay off, instead of a wedding that was one day out of my entire life. If you're willing to do the research, it's not too hard to accomplish, good luck !

[BrandyJ]

Why would someone take a personal loan for a wedding. I think that is stupid. My wedding was a very simple affair with the guests ranging only below 50. Not to mention we had only bought our house in Vaughan a couple of months before the wedding, so we were already having a new home mortgage from The Financial Forum that we were paying back. But even if we didn't have the mortgage we wouldn't have taken a loan to organize a wedding. We would have managed it with whatever we have with us.

[DoreneHanson]

$40k! That's way too much! Weddings can be conducted beautifully at half of this amount! Last year I attended my friend's wedding, and the budget for the entire wedding was around $15k and it covered everything, from the wedding venue in Boca Raton, to the wedding favors!

[tripods68]

We paid mostly for our wedding. We didn't expect my or her parents to pay for our wedding 13 years ago. They were poor so we didn't even considered their help. Oh by the way, we had about 200 guess....our budget $6K that include a limo driver. Go figure!

I'm not sure if you have 1 daughter or 2 BUT I would be very clear to both of them if this topic do come up in a year or few years. Set the table and give them the amount you will be willing to pay for wedding.

If they go over that, say $15K they are responsible to pay that exceed that amount.

However, with your income. I do not believe COST is really an issue. Over 200K a year, a $30K wedding will not hurt your pocket unless you 4 daughters X $30K to pay for. Then start setting aside for those Weddings Today...YIKES!!!

[Thrif-t]

We'll my kids are teenagers and I'm already telling them what my parents told me, there is no way we can afford to pay for weddings for all of you so start saving now. My parents had 5 kids, 4 girls and us kids paid for all our weddings except my dad got the booze. I would be open to giving them an amount we're comfortable with, but they've known for a while their weddings are on them.