finances before marriage

[kv968]

So I guess I have to agree with most of the previous posters -- until you're married, or at least engaged, one shouldn't exert a controlling influence over a partner's finances. If asked for your opinion, by all means give it...but don't think to drive a partner's decisions if you're only dating.

I agree that you shouldn't "exert a controlling influence" over your GF's financial decisions but I don't think it would be out of line to give her your casual opinion even if not asked. And maybe not so much an "opinion" but just tell her that you're interested in investing in general and personally wonder why her father made some of the suggestions he did. I'll take a guess and say that she probably doesn't even know for the most part. And not that you're dictating to her what to do nor actually disagreeing with her father's advice but maybe in voicing your concerns/opinions would allow her to look at the advice given in a different way.

She's probably not even questioning her father's advice because he's a CFP and knows more than her (which I'm sure he does). But to me it doesn't hurt to hear someone else's opinion on the matter as long as you're not pushing her with your opinion.

Maybe giving an uninvited opinion is wrong, but I know I personally like to hear other's opinions even if I don't ultimately agree with them. At least it gives me something to think about.

[disneysteve]

So I guess I have to agree with most of the previous posters -- until you're married, or at least engaged, one shouldn't exert a controlling influence over a partner's finances.

If you are just casually dating, I agree, but the OP said this couple was serious and planning marriage. That's a whole different level in my mind. They are actively planning a life together. Making sure they are on the same page financially is a HUGE part of that process IMO.

In your case, kork, what she is doing would be giant red flag for me. Have you read the other thread about the guy whose father in law is an investment salesman and the whole family invests with him except this guy and it's causing a bunch of stress in the family. If the girl you are with now turns out to be "the one" are you going to find yourself in a similar situation? Do you really want her father knowing all of your financial affairs? Is she going to expect the two of you to do all of your investing through him? Something to think about.

[bjl584]

I've personally not dated women because of the way that they handled money. I didn't even want to take a chance at getting involved with them. So, if I was serious with someone, they would most likely already have their finances in order, but I would certainly want full disclosure before I put a ring on her finger.

[JoeP]

I've personally not dated women because of the way that they handled money. I didn't even want to take a chance at getting involved with them. So, if I was serious with someone, they would most likely already have their finances in order, but I would certainly want full disclosure before I put a ring on her finger.

Sure, money handling is an important factor as are other parameters. I can see his point about bringing up financial concerns prior to engagement. Waiting until after engagement may lead to awkward dialog such as: "I know I said I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but your financial habits are incompatible with mine. Can I have the ring back?"

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Hey it's still easier to call off an engagement than a wedding.

[JoeP]

Hey it's still easier to call off an engagement than a wedding.

But wouldn't you agree that it is better to avoid calling off either?