Saving for Wedding

[Shewillbemine]

Well, of course. Get with the program, Joan! Guests are supposed to reimburse their hosts for the privilege of being invited. To reveal the situation for what it actually is -- a business venture -- the wedding couple should rent a credit card machine so when guests arrive at the reception, they must whip out their credit cards. The attendant then charges them for the meal plus extraneous costs (wedding gown, band, honeymoon, etc). It's really better that way so no one has the pretense that they were invited only for their presence, not their presents.

This is a pretty embittered perspective. Many couples receive plenty of money at weddings and many cultures find it socially acceptable to literally hand gobs of money in envelopes.

The couple should know their guests and the kind of gifts to expect since these are their friends and relatives. No need to be Sarcastic Susie here.

[RedSilk]

Is it normal these days for a middle class family to shell out nearly 50K for a wedding? I would think that a 35k wedding would be nice enough. Why not just cut costs so you don't have to pay for anything?

[disneysteve]

Is there a rule of thumb in some areas or among some social groups that you can expect to 1/3 of your wedding expenses as gifts?

Not at all. There is no connection between the wedding gift and the cost of the affair. How could there be? As a guest, I have no idea how much is being spent. I don't know if dinner was $50 or $100 or more. I don't know how much the DJ or band charged. I don't know what was spent on flowers. We give what we give, usually $100 for the 2 of us, a little more if all 3 of us are attending. And we often give merchandise, not money, particularly if we know the couple well and know their taste, or choose something from their registry.

I was trying to figure out how OP is going to bring in $17,000 in gifts. With 250 guests, that's $68/person which isn't unreasonable. However, not everyone gives money. Lots of people will give gifts from the bridal registry like linens, picture frames, china, crystal, etc. OP, what are you going to do if half of your guests don't give monetary gifts? Are you going to go return everything to raise cash?

This is a pretty embittered perspective.

I believe this was intended as sarcasm.

[feh]

You're assuming I'm paying for the entire shindig. Her parents and my parents are contributing a combined $35,000 as well, so I was assuming a return in gifts of about 1/3.

Man, oh man...$50K for a wedding?

I don't understand the mindset.

[Mr Nice Guy]

Can't help ya here. My sister is planning her wedding and its gonna come to around $10-15k.

If you are reading wedding magazines and stuff, don't.

Read a book on how to do a cheaper wedding. There are deals out there, you just gotta look.

But if you are dead set on the amount you already have in mind, some good advice has already been stated. (I just hope your fiance isn't pressuring you to make lavish accomodations when she has no skin in the game other than her parents. I would be pissed.)

[papa_squat]

Can't help ya here. My sister is planning her wedding and its gonna come to around $10-15k.

If you are reading wedding magazines and stuff, don't.

Read a book on how to do a cheaper wedding. There are deals out there, you just gotta look.

But if you are dead set on the amount you already have in mind, some good advice has already been stated. (I just hope your fiance isn't pressuring you to make lavish accomodations when she has no skin in the game other than her parents. I would be pissed.)

I was just thinking the same thing. $50K+ for a wedding? Whose idea was that? I hope that amount figures in the cost of the honeymoon, too. That's seriously a downpayment for a house.

I felt guilty for months planning a $12k wedding last year, but we didn't have to finance a nickel of it or work extraordinary overtime for it and I wouldn't change a thing about the day. I hope your fiancee gets any job she can to take the burden off you. Even considering financing any part of a wedding of that size with credit cards is a rough way to start a marriage.

[Mr Tipps]

Sounds like you are on the right track. Considering that it appears that you know how to save you should be ok with using your credit card. I would consider using the credit card as close as possible to the wedding to ensure you can utilise the interest free days for as long as possible. Just to be on the safe side make sure you can afford the credit card payments if you have some stingy guests that don't know to leave reasonable presents Remember the credit card repayments generally equate to between 2 and 3 percent, eg if you have 10k on your credit card you would need to pay between $2-300 per month.
Don't worry about all the negative advise you are going to get about credit cards, because if you use them properly (which it sounds like you are doing), they are a great tool!
Good luck with the wedding and your future!

[photo]

Just to be on the safe side make sure you can afford the credit card payments if you have some stingy guests that don't know to leave reasonable presents

Great advice. Only invite rich people or those who are willing to go into credit card debt to buy you expensive gifts.

I don't have cable TV but I've heard that these kind of people have their own reality shows.

[photo]

Many couples receive plenty of money

There's nothing wrong with giving or receiving cash. However, the entitlement that guests will pay for your wedding with their gifts is presumptuous and rude. You invite people because of their relationship with you, not because you want them to finance your wedding.

The expenses of the wedding should be planned within the budget of the hosts.

[Money Gal]

Tell your fiance that she gets a job, any job, or the wedding will not go forward.
She has to earn $17K in 8 months to afford what is planned.
Time to get off the pedestal, she can earn over $10K at as a cashier, grocery stocker; more with overtime.

It is not that she can't find a job, its that she isn't willing to take any job in order to have a job. That is no longer an option.

Her suggestion to put monthly expenses on a 0% BT are ludicrous. I doubt your expenses are cut to the bone today. Have cable, cell phones, does she buy makeup??

Are you SURE that your girlfriend intends to work?

[snafu]

I too have concerns about your fiance's lack of 'skin in the game.' Is this the harbinger of your future? She will plan the spending starting with a $50K party [other than vows, it's really a party for family an friends] and others will pay the costs. If there isn't enough cash then revert to the combination of CC and parents.

I'd suggest scaling back plans to a more modest celebration and SO significant other] get a job, whatever job is available within her skill set.

[BuckyBadger]

OP, when you said in your initial post that your parents were paying "only a portion of the costs" I never would have guessed that "a portion" was $35,000. Interesting phrasing.

What do you get for $52,000 that you can't get for $35,000 exactly?

[thinton75]

Yeah it's been an interesting situation with her. She has a psychology degree and doesn't know what she "wants" to do so she struggles with that. Also, we are both from Chicago but live in Kentucky for my job, so she has been dealing with emotional issues of being away from her family and friends. This has taken away from her concentration on finding a job. She substitute teaches, but that is unreliable and does not pay well. I push her every day to go out and get a part time job at a restaurant, or as a teller at a bank, or in retail, or literally anything but she gets upset and frustrated about it because she hasn't had luck in looking for those, or any jobs. But anyway, this isn't a psychology forum lol

Hi I'm new to this site as well, and stumbling across this website I came to this section. First off I'm getting married this August, and between both my future husband and I we make around $80,000.00 with only 1 car payment no student loans (only because he pays his off each semester), and we are both in our early 30's. Now saying all of this, I moved from Tennessee to Wisconsin a very emotional time for me but as an adult I learned to get over it and find a job quickly so I wouldn't become homeless. In the last 2 years I have had to make 2 major decision in my life.. 1st being my job, I went to college for business I now run a retail (small chain) store not my dream job, but hey its a job... 2nd When my boyfriend proposed to me we were also looking to buy a house, well our dream house was found. I had to make a choice between a dream wedding, or a wonderful home that my children will grow up in some day...

I choice the house, now we do plan on having a nice (not over the top) wedding. I still plan on getting married in a Church, still plan on walking down in a white dress, but most importantly I plan on saying "I do" to the most amazing man in my life and spending under $5000.00 for my wedding. Yes I know this is cheezy but there is a point to all of this...

MY POINT: If your future wife isn't ready/willing (emotional or otherwise) to help you in the financial area of your wedding right now, what is she going to be like 5 or even 10 years from now? I'm not saying that you are making a mistake, what I am saying is this... Your partner for life should be willing (without being asked) to help out in the money department, and do not for any reason put your wedding on YOUR credit card..

I do wish you the best of luck

[photo]

I choice the house, now we do plan on having a nice (not over the top) wedding. I still plan on getting married in a Church, still plan on walking down in a white dress, but most importantly I plan on saying "I do" to the most amazing man in my life and spending under $5000.00 for my wedding. Yes I know this is cheezy but there is a point to all of this...

I'd argue that it's more "cheesy" to spend money you don't have on an elaborate wedding -- the feast or famine mode of modern life. A dignified, meaningful wedding has nothing to do with money.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Got back what we paid for our wedding in cash. It's not uncommon, rather typical culturally.