In Desperate Need of Financial Help

**disneysteve** · 09-20-2009, 04:32 PM

I'm confused. You say you earn 94K but your husband gives you an allowance. Then you imply that he is not good with money, ran up debt on credit cards and has no savings or retirement plan. If that's the case, why is he the one controlling your money?

How much does he earn? And what happens to that money if there is no saving or investing for the future? What is it being spent on?

You can't solve this alone. The two of you need to work together. Sit down and figure out your total household income and list all of your household expenses including debt payments. From there, you can come up with a plan for attacking the debt and starting to save for emergencies, retirement, home improvements, college, etc.

When you have all the numbers, post them here and we can take a look and make suggestions.

**srblanco7** · 09-20-2009, 04:36 PM

As Steve said - we need to see the numbers before we can add any value.

**creditcardfree** · 09-20-2009, 05:26 PM

You don't need $140 to work Dave Ramsey's plan. He has books that can be borrowed from the library. He has a website where you can listen to his live radio show or archives of his shows for free.

The first step is to save $1000 for an emergency fund, if all your bills are current. The second is to start paying off debt, smallest balance to largest.

Those are Dave Ramsey's first steps, but we can give you much more specific information if you can tell us more about your detailed expenses. If you don't know these, then one of your first steps is to sit down and look at where you spend your money each month. Look at your bank statement, check register and receipts. You can only know where you are going, if you know where you have been and where you are today.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 09-20-2009, 06:53 PM

I think DS, it's she makes $94k, and her husband gives her $300/week. She can't make ends meet.

And I'm guessing since he owns his own business he maybe doesn't make much? Or he doesn't give her much.

**Seeker** · 09-20-2009, 08:54 PM

I agree with what the others have posted.

For your husband to give you $300/week "allowance" for the house, son, and all bills is probably not fair of him (this is about 15k a year). You're being burdened with making everything work based really on your income alone.

From your posting I'm not sure if he's actually making good money at whatever he does, and that he just decided that you can use your income for the house/home, or if he does not have anymore means to support you and your son beyond that $300/week.

The answer to that question would be a vital one for me. Because if he can provide better, and isn't, then you have a more major decision to make than the budget.

You both are married, (I'm assuming that the son is also his and the mortgage is held in joint custody). He needs to take more responsibility than giving you a measley 300/week to take care of everything. It sounds like you're working 24x7, if not at your workplace, also at home.

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Sit down with your husband and determine what's going on. You're angry (and frankly I would be too), but you both need to discuss the future and especially finances.

If you're going to handle the money, you need to know what his real income is. If the extent of it truely is 1200/month, then you need to be able to deal with it as a team. He needs to help financially, in not taking on more debt.

Marriage is a collaboration of teamwork. It takes effort... and should not be done in isolation. It won't work.... especially if one is spending and the other trying to make ends meet.

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Aside from the above, this is where I'd start financially:

step #1

Track absolutely all purchases. Know exactly how much money you spend each month on such things as food, utilities, mortgage (1620), credit card payments, sitter, auto/gasoline, insurance, medical/dental, etc). You need numbers to help you determine where the money is going.

Step #2

Know exactly how much income (net) you have to work with.

Step #3

Balance and flex that budget until income is greater than expenses.

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Any credit cards that are in joint, I might suggest calling the credit card company and taking his name off of. If they won't or can't do that, then I'd definitely call the credit card company and take my own name off of the account.

Then I'd tell your husband that you will not any longer pay a cent toward any new debts he places on those credit cards. It's his promise-to-pay, not yours.

This means you pay cash for those things you need to buy. And this means that if he does not pay, you will not be involved with that problem.

If he has credit cards held in his name only, then I'd not pay those either. Tell him to pay on his own charges.

If he can only afford $300/week, he should not be charging a penny more than that.

Understand that you might not see that $300 anymore if he's to "manage" his own bills.

**creditcardfree** · 09-21-2009, 09:18 AM

Good advice, Seeker!

**Snodog** · 09-21-2009, 11:22 AM

By what you wrote it sounds like your husband is spending way too much. You need to BOTH track every penny spent and get on a spending plan. Anything you do by yourself will be futile without you and your husband working together on this.

Let him know how important this is to you. Its a big deal, it involves your life together and nobody wants to be eating cat food in retirement.

I'm sorry your in this situation and wish you the best of luck.

**creditcardchaser** · 09-22-2009, 09:39 PM

It sounds like first of all you need to be able to reach an agreement with your husband that you will treat all money as subject to a shared budget rather than him trying to do one thing and you another. Once you can come to an agreement on a budget that will apply to the both of your then you will have half of the battle won.

**kanjoh** · 09-28-2009, 12:31 PM

I agree with most of the comments above. I'd also add that you should look for additional sources of income to hedge your bets. There are many opportunities to consult, offer freelance services, blog, or generate income in other ways. It may take an extra few hours per week, but over time, the money can add up significantly and can be used to achieve your financial goals

**Vytautas** · 09-28-2009, 12:56 PM

The first thing you need to do as people have mentioned is to get on the same page with your husband. I think the best way to do this would be to write out a very detailed list of income and expenses. If you have a little experience with excel, I would set up a monthly income / expense sheet so you can see how changes in expenses can affect you in the future.

Once you have a detailed list made, you can more easily identify the problems and point them out to your husband. This would be a far more effective way to force the issue than just bringing it up at random times with (what he thinks are) insubstantial claims about your financial well-being. It just will not be effective to say things like "We need to start saving for retirement" or "We should start saving for our kid's schooling". He may agree with you but with no concrete evidence for how to go about it, the claims will just make no difference in his thinking.

**tripods68** · 09-28-2009, 01:02 PM

$300 a week X 52 weeks = $15,600 and you say he helps you very little. Something is missing here...you need to post all your combined incomes and list all your expenses so people can give you good advice. That is where you need to start.

**fruitbowlk** · 09-28-2009, 01:36 PM

#1. This is not important right now.- putting something aside for my son's college.

#2. You DO NOT need to spend any money on Dave ramsey info. Go to the libray and check out his books same thing with suze orman.

Go to Financial Peace University and key in your zip and find a church and go through Financial Peace University for free. They will give you a code so that you can go on the internet and print off the infomation that will be talked about in the classes.

**jIM_Ohio** · 09-30-2009, 11:59 AM

You need to do 3 things

1) know what you spend money on
2) know what you earn both before and after taxes
3) account for spouse situation with more detail

In Desperate Need of Financial Help