Need help making a huge financial decision!

[creditcardfree]

I'm glad you see the light. Please consider counseling, maybe a third party can convince her you are not trying to control. Best wishes!

[ActYourWage]

It sounds more like a marriage issue instead of financial issue. I would seek out a Christian couselor (pastor,etc) and get some help.

[ValL]

There's often one partner that pressures another into spending more than they can both afford, happens time and again. You have to make sure you live within your means no matter what. You may find that in the end she's quite happy with a nice little apartment you can rent that's affordable, as long as you make it homely for the both of you. Best of luck. Stick to your guns.

[Well Spent]

It sounds more like a marriage issue instead of financial issue. I would seek out a Christian couselor (pastor,etc) and get some help.

He didn't say he has a religion. I agree he should get counseling though.

I don't think it's necessary for you to move out of your parent's basement. Why pay a stranger's mortgage when you can live at home? As long as you and parents have a mutually benefit agreement, I don't see any problem whatsoever with living at home. I think more people should. families should help each other prosper. Paying a stranger's mortgage through expensive rents isn't going to make you rich. Also, you may eb going to med school. If you can go locally, continue your living arrangement. And be very careful with women if you end up breaking up with your wife. Residents are prime target for predatory women looking to find a walking wallet.

[Runaway Finances]

Time to stand firm. If that causes a divorce, then better now than later when you up to your eyeballs in debt. If her dad wants to buy a house and pay for then great, but it's not going to solve the REAL problem. Someone said that "this sounds like a marriage issue more than a financial issue". Unfortunately, most marital problems are caused by financial problems. I volunteered at our church's counseling center one day a month for 6 years and I would see 8-10 people each day. They came to the center for marital problems and every time, financial problems were the major cause of their marital problems.

[RadiatorRT]

thanks for the great responses. this morning i called the loan officer and cancelled the loan, getting my application fee back...so no money lost..didnt sign any contracts with the lawyer..getting off scott free. my wife however, says that she will move out and spend the weekend by her parents...shes depressed laying in bed all afternoon.. i know this isnt a marriage forum but finances are a major part of life and play such a huge role in all aspects of life, including marriage. sometimes leaning on family is the best thing to do. and some lessons in life are best learnt the hard way(especially if your stubborn like me and dont like to listen to what intelligent/experienced people have to say)...i have basically accepted the fact that this may end in divorce. a stupid reason to end, though.

-Jack

[disneysteve]

a stupid reason to end, though.

I don't think this is a stupid reason for divorce at all based on what you've told us. I wish you luck finding a woman who will share your views and work with you to build a life together, rather than one who expects you to meet her every demand, no matter how unreasonable it may be.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

It's not a stupid reason. No reason is stupid if to the person involved it's a deal breaker. I don't think you should give in, but I do understand how it can end a marriage.

Would I? No but everyone's tolerance levels are different. What they consider dealbreakers.

Consider some marriage can survive infidelity. Yet to other people there is no mending the relationship, it's over.

[EEinNJ]

You made the right decision not to continue with that deal. Since you are both young, and newly married, this is a real learning experience. Hopefully it will teach you to make big decisions together, with a long term perspective instead of "I want it" and emotional blackmail. Major disagreements don't have to mean divorce- it may mean you just haven't developed the relationship skills to resolve conflicts. A marriage also has to exist independently of either set of parents involvement.

[Scanner]

Hey, wait a minute.

When the father gives them a $150,000 to put down on a condo. . .whether the marriage ends in divorce or not, that's a tactical advantage.

Once it's gifted to him, he's just gotten $75,000 to take away in a divorce.

Just another evil perspective.

Yes, I agree she's being overly demanding and this marriage is probably doomed to fail, but why not have it fail with an extra 75K in his pocket?

[feh]

Hey, wait a minute.

When the father gives them a $150,000 to put down on a condo. . .whether the marriage ends in divorce or not, that's a tactical advantage.

Once it's gifted to him, he's just gotten $75,000 to take away in a divorce.

Just another evil perspective.

Yes, I agree she's being overly demanding and this marriage is probably doomed to fail, but why not have it fail with an extra 75K in his pocket?

Minus the $100K he'll owe for the condo. Or maybe the court would just give her the condo, depending on where they live.

[creditcardfree]

Hey, wait a minute.

When the father gives them a $150,000 to put down on a condo. . .whether the marriage ends in divorce or not, that's a tactical advantage.

Once it's gifted to him, he's just gotten $75,000 to take away in a divorce.

Just another evil perspective.

Yes, I agree she's being overly demanding and this marriage is probably doomed to fail, but why not have it fail with an extra 75K in his pocket?

That's not a risk I'd be willing to take. Are you sure that money would be split between the two? I can only imagine how much more crazy that divorce proceeding would go with that money involved. Definitely not worth it.

[RadiatorRT]

so, she asked for a divorce, who would have thought , hahaha...either way the green card gets cancelled if your not married for 2 years. sad really...thx for the advice everyone.

[feh]

so, she asked for a divorce, who would have thought , hahaha...either way the green card gets cancelled if your not married for 2 years. sad really...thx for the advice everyone.

Wow, Man. Sorry to hear that. At least you know where things stand now, and you can make a fresh start.

[jsk]

Good that you are not going for the condo. With the plans you've for higher studies, got to be prudent with finance. Good luck. Hope things work out well for you.
As told by well_spent and couple of others, just make sure to wait before having a baby (intentionally or accidently!!!).