Making Teens Help Pay Off Family Debt?

[jwthornhill]

Beginning earlier this month my wife and I decided to step up our debt elimination plan by asking our teenage sons and daughter to contribute by working jobs, etc. My two teen sons (13 & 14) started a neighborhood trash carry-out service, or teen daughter got a part-time job and my wife and I started working extra hours at work in addition to a part-time weekend job that my wife got.

I recently had some relatives over for dinner and they both gave us a real tongue lashing for doing this.

What do you think?

We Need To Be Debt Free

[Cassandra]

When I was living with my parents I worked full-time (during senior year of high school) to help out my parents, who are declaring bankruptcy. I helped out in whatever way I could: I used my income to buy groceries, pay some of the smaller bills, etc.

I didn't (and don't) have any resentments against my parents for asking me to help out. Personally, I would have felt weird if I didn't help out. My parents have always given me what I needed and almost everything I wanted and I would have been so ungrateful had I refused to help out.

That's just my experience, however, it did turn out to be a good one (I learned financial responsibility, a good work ethic, time management, etc.).

Ultimately it's up to you and your wife to decide if your kids should be contributing.

Cassandra

[mom-from-missouri]

I think its ok.

Kids need to learn responsiblity.

IMO, grades come first. If they have good grades, then OK for a job.

I would base it on their age and ability to earn money. You can't just say across the board you all pay $50 a month, but a certain % of what they earn.

I would also make sure though that a % is saved for them and a % is thithed. Thats just my personal view..

I think one way young people/couples get into money trouble. They are used to mommy and daddy paying for everything, and always getting the best. Then, boom, they are in the real world and have no idea what it takes and they go overboard on the spending and credit.

[disneysteve]

I think it partly depends on the extent of the debt and how much trouble you are in financially. If you are in danger of losing your home or having to file for bankruptcy, I think all's fair and everybody needs to do what they can. If the debt is not so serious, I'm not sure that I'd expect my kid to contribute but I would certainly expect her to understand that due to some financial difficulties, we need to really cut back our spending and limit unnecessary purchases as much as possible so she can't get those new jeans or go to that hot new movie or that our annual vacation might need to be cancelled.

One other thing that might enter into the decision is the source of the debt. If it was due to simple overspending that the kids had nothing to do with, I'd probably keep them out of it. If it was some family catastrophe, medical problem, etc., it might be more reasonable to ask them to help out.

I also agree that school absolutely comes first. They shouldn't feel they HAVE to work but rather should be made to understand the benefit to them and the entire family of helping eliminate the debt more quickly with their help.

Very interesting question. Surely no answer is right or wrong and you need to do what works best for you and your family.

[jwthornhill]

I grew up on a farm an we worked to contribute to the family also.

We Need To Be Debt Free

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Um no. You had them you should provide for them food, clothes, shelter. You should be paying the bills.

That doesn't mean they can't work to buy nicer than secondhand clothes, participate in activities, etc. They should be working to play hockey, go out to eat. That is unnecessary.

But they shouldn't have to work to support the family.

[cschin4]

First, you should'nt be discussing the inner workings or your homes and finances with relatives. It is none of their business! So, I don't discuss these types of things with others.
How did this come up? And, how do the kids feel about it? Were you all on board together in tackling this? If so, then stop talking to the nosy relatives.

[moneybags]

What do you think?

I agree with your relatives. In my opinion, I don't think your finances are the responsibility of your kids. I have no problem having kids pay for the extras they want - cell phones, clothes, etc., but to pay off your parents debt, no way. My parents made me get a job when I was 16, not to pay their debt, but I was still forced to work. I think it affected my entire high school life from social life to grades. I'm not whining, but it isn't what I want for my kids.

[jwthornhill]

Thanks for all of the feedback.

When we grew up it wasn't unusual for a large families to all work on their farms to help keep it running without the high labor costs. But, I realize that just because we did it doesn't make it right.

I think this is something I need to pray with my wife about.

[Seeker]

I agree with your relatives. In my opinion, I don't think your finances are the responsibility of your kids. I have no problem having kids pay for the extras they want - cell phones, clothes, etc., but to pay off your parents debt, no way. My parents made me get a job when I was 16, not to pay their debt, but I was still forced to work. I think it affected my entire high school life from social life to grades. I'm not whining, but it isn't what I want for my kids.

I agree 100% with this.

As you have already asked this of your children, I would seriously consider repaying thier contributions + more when you are in a better financial position.

My DH saved for his education, by joining the army after high school. When he served his term and got out of the army, he discovered that his foster parents (real parents died before he was a teenager) "borrowed" all he saved for a dieing business -- and he had nothing. This ultimately led to his leaving home, borrowing for his college education, job-after-job, and his ultimate declaration of bankruptcy. He forgot to declare his education debts on his bankruptcy -- so we will soon be clear of his education debt but that was over 40k since it had been in default).

Ultimately, I believe that when you take from younger children, you teach them that they cannot keep even what they have earned.

I firmly believe that children under 18 should not be asked to "work" -- if they want to for their own purposes that is fine. But if they are going to school -- that IS their work. That is their contribution and effort toward their future; it should NOT be their contribution toward something you've caused.

Over the age of 18, then if they live at home & work for money, then there can be some contributions toward family expenses -- but not a major contribution.

Over the age of 18, then if they live at home and still work (at college & educating themself -- again this is work), then they should help pay their expenses of college, by part-time work.... but either way a very large portion of what they earn, they should save for their future.

[disneysteve]

When we grew up it wasn't unusual for a large families to all work on their farms to help keep it running

There is a big difference between kids doing some work on a farm, or with some other family business and making them go out and get jobs to help support the family. I think you need to make a clear distinction there.

[Broken Arrow]

Well, I recognize that every parent is different and have their point of views.

That said, if I break something, I fix it. I'm not going to make my kids fix something that I broke.

I acknowledge that it's an oversimplification, because I don't know exactly what kind of debt or what kind of financial situation you are in.

However, I do believe in leading by example, and I need my children to learn that if they break something, THEY need to take responsibility for it, not get others to fix it for them.

On the other hand, I think it's fine if they offer to help, or if you strike a business deal with them. Say, if you help them hold a job (be it finding one and/or offering them rides and so forth), then they can pay you a portion of their earnings to you, which you in turn can use it for debt elimination.

Please understand that I grew up in an old-school environment where fathers and especially grandfathers were the undisputed heads of the family. So, I think I really can relate to that sort of value.

Still, I would also like to impress upon my children that, beyond the basic welfare of the family, I want them to learn business-like skills and the art of negotiation that I hope will serve them well in today's real world... and to do so in a fair, meaningful, and honest manner.

But all this is just my personal opinion, and I am most definitely not here to tell others how to raise their own kids.

[Blue Leader]

There is a big difference between kids doing some work on a farm, or with some other family business and making them go out and get jobs to help support the family. I think you need to make a clear distinction there.

+1. I grew up on a farm and had chores and helped work on stuff that needed done. That's one thing.

I would have probably freaked if my parents made me go get a job to help pay down ______.

Don't know your situation, but I'd just say if the jobs aren't necessary for the survival of the family, let them enjoy their childhood without introducing money worries! Again, don't know the situation and extent of the jobs.

Anyway, my .02

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Did you really make them, force them?

It is hard for me to imagine the rule of fear a parent would need to have in order to force his teenagers to get a job. I mean, if they just say, "no," what can you do? Only by abusive action do I think you could force them to get jobs. If I were a teenager being treated brutally, I'd hope someone would step in on my behalf if I were too scared or paralyzed to help myself.

But you aren't being abusive, are you? Your kids were happy to contribute? If the kids are happy to contribute, fine, I have no problem. If they are being manipulated, food withheld, berated, shamed, not allowed to see friends, etcetera unless they work and give you money---well then, yeah, I'd give you a tongue lashing, too.

What about your adult kids whom you took in recently? And the adult parent of the niece or young cousin or whomever it was that you also took in--did that adult contribute? Did you ask for contributions? Would you ask them to contribute as much as you accept from the teens? Did they offer?

It seems there are just a lot of things to balance in the equation.

For those who haven't looked at JW's blog, a good chunk of his debt is tax related.

[disneysteve]

Your kids were happy to contribute? If the kids are happy to contribute, fine, I have no problem.

I agree. Nothing wrong with the kids working and contributing to the household if they choose to. I just don't think they should be expected to. And I only refer to minor children. I think adult children should absolutely be expected to help support the household.