Making Teens Help Pay Off Family Debt?

[aida2003]

If the kids are GLAD to help you out, then it's fine, IMO, but otherwise I disagree.
I think, as a parent I'd appreciate if they could cover their expenses so that your debt does not increase further. And your debt is yours to pay (unless, that debt is due to brand name clothes for kids, new gadgets to them, etc. In such a case, kids could contribute a little bit if that doesn't cause resentment).
IMO, your mistakes hopefully could teach your kids how not to behave with credit cards and that one MUST work to buy something.
Maybe I'm harsh here (sorry), but you didn't specify what kind of debt it was. Was it for emergency, medical expense, or just cool stuff to buy? I assumed the latter.

[bjl584]

I would say that it depends on the circumstances. If you have a lot of debt that was caused by the irresponsibilities of you and your wife, then I would say that it is unreasonable to ask your children to help bail you out. However, if you are talking about teaching your kids financial responsibility by making them help out with daily household expenses, (their car insurance and maintance, cable/internet bill, cell phones, etc.) then I don't see a problem with that. Once I was old enough to work I paid for my own car insurance, gasoline, some food, and part of the cable bill. It taught me financial responsibility.

[anonymous_saver]

I think it's okay to ask your kids to work to help out ONLY if they are contributing to their own stuff (fun money, clothes, college savings, etc.). I do not think it's appropiate to have your kids pay down your family debt. Whether or not some of the debt occurred to buy things for your kids, that was you and your wife's decision to buy those items.

I would say have your kids focus on school. I think it's perfectly okay for you to say that you will not give them any spending money for fun stuff until you and your wife get the finances in order, until then, I think it's perfectly fine giving them the option of earning their own money to pay for those things.

I'm really glad for your family though that you are trying to pay down your debt, I just wanted to share my opinion on the question asked.

[PrincessPerky]

That is not a black and white question...it depends on the debt...and your own commitment. Is the debt totally yours? IE student loans and your own late night carousing? or was it family issues?

If it is family debt, meaning to many dinners out on pizza, or new clothes..kids should totally be asked to help pay for it..though not to the extent of mom and dad, after all they didn't know better, you did.

If it is your own umm stupidity (look we all do stupid stuff, some just costs alot) like wanting a midlife crisis car, or mostly clothes for mom and dad..no not one dime should be taken from the kids.

If it is middle of the road..such as a medical bill (no ones fault) or some bad car breakdowns, combined with other unusal and annoying bills..that depends on if you need it or not...

In any case, regardless of what the debt is I would not ask the kids to use all their money to pay off your debt...my house rule is a minimum of 10% to charity, and min of 20% to savings...if I felt they accrued debt (broke the neighbors window perhaps) I would insist on a minimum for debt payment before any was spent....I would never ask them to give all of their money for debt or bills.

But..did I mention this is not a simple issue? do they have cell phones? those are something they can pay for, a bill, not a debt payoff...do they have classes above and beyond the required for learning? Having a kid is a responsibility, but parents are not required to pay for dance , music, sports, scouts, ect. Not that there is anything wrong with those things, just that money only stretches so far. Maybe instead of asking them to pay off dept they could take on paying for one or more of their own 'extras'....

[mom-from-missouri]

Maybe I missed it, but what is the debt from??

Is it something the kids helped to run up?? Such as high phone bill, sports fees, school activities, senior trips, vacation they also went on?

A church family makes their kids pay for the cable and the internet. why? Because the parents went to cancel it and the kids threw a fit. They told them if you want it, you pay for it. It has been transferred to the kids names and they are paying for it. Did the kids learn anything?? I believe so, because the kids dropped the cable to the basic package, and dropped DSL and went dialup.

Somethings I would NOT want kids working toward would be something the parent(s) did foolishly, such as a gambling debt or something of that nature.

[jIM_Ohio]

My parents asked me to do this when I started working at age 16. It backfired and I barely talk to them now. This argument is fresh in my mind almost 20 years later. Tread carefully. I think you could ruin your relationship with your kids over a problem caused by the adults.

IIn my case, my view was it's my money, not the family's money. In your case it's the kids money not the family's money. You would be better to teach kids how to manage and spend their own money than require them to help pay down debts which are the parents fault.

In my case my mother could not spend on a budget her whole life. Paid off credit cards once, charged right back up 2 months later. Borrowed against house to get a car, paid off the HELOC, then moved CC balance to HELOC, cc were charged up again with 2 months. I can remember getting yelled at because the property tax bill (is that my fault?), I can remember getting yelled at because they changed my fathers exemptions at work when my sister was born- went from 3 kids to 7 kids, then the property tax bill came again and I got yelled at for that too. If you have too many bills to pay, it's not the kids fault.

If you need to pray about this, let me help you think about things- what is debt from, what caused this, and why would you bring kids into the world if you could not provide for them? I don't mean this to sound condescending.

It was not up to me at age 16 to work to pay off these debts. NO WAY. NO HOW. I resent being asked to this day. My parents problems are not my problems. Not then. Not now.

More often than not when somone is in debt they think they have an income problem (as in not enough). My opinion is that most problems are spending related, and asking kids to increase the income because of a problem adults have with spending is not a good way to teach very impressionable kids about money.

[Ima saver]

Well, I starting working at age 12. My father died before I was age 10 and my mother had never had a job in her life.(she was born in 1907 and went to a one room school house)
She finally got a job and we were terribly poor, living on about $20 a week. I got a job then.
I used the money I earned to pay for all my clothes, school supplies and anything that I wanted for my own personal use. I think that that helped my mother out a lot. I would have given her the money if she had ever asked for it.

[DebbieL]

I see nothing wrong with it - just make sure they get to keep part of it to blow on their own fun stuff. Families help each other (at least that's how my family works).

[Hot dog]

I think just asking the kids to help with the things that benefit them is OK and will benefit you. I would not ask them to pay $ toward the mortgage unless they were completely out of school and living at home. If you ask them to pay for gas that you use to take them places and for their wants it is OK they can buy their own shampoo, deodorant, and activities. That in itself is going to put more in your pocket. I just wouldn't ask them for housing or electric most else they could help out. If they don't get a job then they don't go to the movies or get to rent a movie. They don't get doritos they just get the necessities

[myrdale]

I really have mixed feelings about this.

I am personally of the opinion that if a couple has children it is their responsibility to provide for them not the other way around. I myself was very fortunate and blessed. My parents paid my way though college, also they paid about half of my truck. Now that said, I didn't have too much else as far as stuff growing up. I had no name brand cloths at all. If I wanted a Nintendo, or my CD player I had to buy these myself with a $5 a week allowance which I did have to earn. My first truck, an old S-10 my father did pay for completely but I paid the gas and when we sold it, that money went on the new one. And I paid the remaining half of the truck.

Now as far as if what you have done is a good idea or not, I have a couple of questions first.

What sort of debt is this? I mean did you and your wife run up all this debt throwing money away on big screen tv's, new cars every 2 years, stuff? If so it sound pretty rotten to make them pay for your mistakes.

Or is this debt from things that couldn't be avoided? Lost of work, someone needed surgery, house burn down, looming foreclosure? "Guys we're in tough times and your Mother and I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP". That is not so rotten. Infact that is probably alot better than it sounds.

Or is this paying for their expenses, band instruments, school trips, at 13 & 14 they are too young to be driving so it isn't cars. Even though these should be your responsiblity, letting them know you simiply can not afford them right now, and if they want it they will have to pay their own way is not so horrible.

Even then I still have quams with the though of being 13 years old and having to go to work to bail your parents out. ALSO are you taking everything from them or are they allowed a share? IMHO they should be allowed atleast 50% of their work. Myself I was made, well strongly recommend, to put half of each pay check in the bank which I lived on for my first two years at Auburn. With only half of my pay check to waste at 16 I still had plenty of fun.

Lastly, how do THEY feel about this? Do they see this as a goal oriented challenge? Do they hate your guts? I am very glad to hear you are putting in extra hours and your wife has gotten a second job. I would suggest letting them watch you writing out the checks and letting them put them in the mail. Then they KNOW exactly where their effort is going. Put the paid in full statements on the fridge. Let them cut up the credit cards. Finally, make sure you are doing all you can and that your children know how much you love and appreciate them for this!

[FrugalFish]

My first thought was that it would be helpful to know how the debt was caused, then I realized that's irrelevant, because your kids probably aren't responsible for the debt. The debt may have been the result of something you or your wife bought for the kids, but you had the option to say no, so it's still your responsibility, not theirs.

Personally, I would never ask my DD to be responsible for my own irresponsibility if I ran up debt that we couldn't afford. If the debt was medical or some other unavoidable expense, then I would also not see that as her responsibility.

I'm not sure I feel like I have the full story still though. Whose debt is this that you want your kids to pay off? Who is responsible for it? Whose name is on it?

[jasanderson]

I don't think it is right to expect your kids to help pay down debts but I see nothing wrong with discussing your debts and plans to pay them down so they realize life isn't a free ride and sometimes you have to work hard to be able to live. I see way to many young kids that EXPECT everything to be handed to them. My 6 year old has this attitude and I am already working on changing that and trying to teach her the value of money and that she can't go out to eat every day or have all the toys in the world she wants but it's a struggle when you compete with advertising and friends who get everything.

Your kids are old enough that you do not need to pay for childcare and working extra jobs will definately help your strategy. Just don't forget it's important for family time and that there are lots of things you can do that don't cost a lot of money.

Your blog mentions your wife being tired of living "like this" and wanting to be able to take trips, etc. Debt reduction is very important but maybe you need to set an incentive goal for your family to keep spirits high. Maybe you should set up a vacation fund that the whole family contributes too (only the ones you are still supporting - the other can pay their own way). You can decide where you would like to go, get a budget together of what it would cost and then tell your children you will contribute $50 a month towards the fund and they can contribute what they feel is fair and will benefit the whole family. Once the family goal is met you can all celebrate by taking your trip. You and your wife can concentrate on debt reduction without feeling guilty that you are neglecting your children or forcing them to work.

Personally I started babysitting at 12 and have always held a job since. At one point I took 18 credits in college, worked 20 hours on campus and 30 hours off campus. It was tough but I was able to support myself through college and I think it has given me a good work ethic. My husband's family is opposite - they have always had everything handed to them (parents have $$$) and they just expect that if they overspend they will get funds from the parents. It's enough to drive me nuts. It's great to know there is a lifeline to help if needed but pride at being able to support yourself is better.

Hang in there - you'll figure it out but it's important you teach your kids the value of hard work.

[Ima saver]

I believe that some of the debt is to the IRS and you know how fast those penalities and interest can add up. (I don't know it personally, but I am sure it does add up quickly)

[Scanner]

I see the forum is very split down the middle on this.

My inclination is rather than have your kids pay off your debts is to instruct them that they will have to assume financial independence sooner, around 18.

So colleges and everything. . .they could start saving towards.

That way, if you do have to declare bankruptcy, the courts can't seize their assets.

I mean, what if they chip in $5000 each over 1-2 years and you still go bankrupt?

That would suck for them.

[neatdesign]

If the kids are into this because they want to, I don't see the harm in that.

I'm more interested with how you will respond in a few months when they come to you and say, "You know that money we've been working so hard to earn and handing over to you? Well, we want to stop doing that. It's our money, so we should get to keep it and spend it how we want!"

How will you handle that situation -- which in my mind, considering the ages of your children, is pretty much inevitable?

~ Jenney