Do you know someone who just "doesn't understand" money and spending?

**myself** · 12-20-2007, 07:10 AM

Yep, several.
My middle brother, although he's starting to show signs of some understanding, since he finally stopped "fleecing" a van and he and his wife are buying a vehicle this time around (although it's more than they should spend).
My sister-in-law. If she has money, she only knows how to spend it right away. She had a 30 year mortgage on the house that she's living in, for 15 years. And because she kept overspending, she refinanced about a year ago to another 30 year fixed rate. And yet, this year she was telling me she was thinking of refinancing so that she can take the small amount of equity built up to replace her van and also to have dental work done.

My other sister-in-law and brother-in-law. They moved in, bought a lot of "stuff" for the house (even though I suggested that they shouldn't because they were downsizing to one income), and refinanced to an ARM that could've adjusted up from 5.7% to 12% in the first 6 years. Luckily they spoke to me and I suggested that they either get a fixed rate mortgage , and I suggested a 15 year, but they didn't have the income to swing that, so they went with a 30 year.

**Ima saver** · 12-20-2007, 07:15 AM

I think we all know people like that. It is like the "light bulb" never comes on in their brains!

**mom-from-missouri** · 12-20-2007, 08:41 AM

a step daughter. She will spend her last $ on clothes, then complain she has no rent or food money.

**Caoineag** · 12-20-2007, 08:47 AM

Used to feel this way about my friend, she nearly had to declare bankruptcy due to credit cards. However, I think she is starting to see the light, she still gets herself into messes but they seem to be smaller than before and she is going to try budgeting.

**St. Theresa** · 12-20-2007, 09:32 AM

Yes, the last man I was with. He's brilliant - probably a genius - but his head is totally in the clouds about money.

When I met him, I thought he was really well-to-do. He was travelling and spending and owned very nice things. Since he'd work in high-tech jobs all his life and was in his 50's, I figured he was financially secure.

Um, no.

A year after I met him, he was completely broke. No savings, no retirement, no credit, no insurance, no real property - nada.

It turns out that this a all of product of his being a narcissist. There's a grandiosity component to his personality disorder. He is not satisified unless he's blowing money, and he has very unreasonable expectations about income.

Living with him drove me nuts. He was always looking for something to need. Man, I should have dumped him the moment I realized what was going on with his finances, but I was in love and didn't realize he had a severe personality disorder.

Instead, I sent him money. "I'll pay you back next month," he'd say, and then he wouldn't. He finally got evicted and had to come from the west coast to the east to live with me - and drive us all bonkers.

When all was said and done, I'd blown about $10,000 on the man, from a cash-out on a refi and that was BEFORE he lived with me. I did one more refi and he worked very hard to blow through that, too.

And when he left, he said I'd given him nothing. Excuuuuuuuuuuuse me????????????????

He bascially bled a single mother dry and then moved on. He's never had any dependents, so I don't get how he could end up the way he did - even though I understand his personality issues very well.

Oh, how I kicked myself and resented him and resented myself. Finally, I realized that what's done is done. Money CAN be replaced. The important thing is that he's not here, making me literally suicidal.

He moved in with friends in the midwest. They'd known him for decades, so when he said he was going to start a business and be out of their house within months, they believed him. A year later, they had to kick him out. He was still in la la land and they couldn't afford him anymore.

It was so bad that I actually LIKED not having money because if I had any extra, he would find a way to spend it. And if I didn't want to buy something, it could easily turn into WWIII.

I am so happy to be in charge of my own finances again. I just need more money to be in charge of!!!

**m3racer** · 12-20-2007, 10:11 AM

Yeah my dad....and he's 1.4 million in debt.

**St. Theresa** · 12-20-2007, 11:14 AM

Originally posted by m3racer View Post

Yeah my dad....and he's 1.4 million in debt.

**Broken Arrow** · 12-20-2007, 12:30 PM

You know, believe it or not, but I personally do NOT know anyone who can't understand personal finances (eventually). The trouble isn't the whether or not they can understand it, but rather, whether or not they are willing to let go of their current lifestyle in order to save themselves from the mounting debt....

**m3racer** · 12-20-2007, 01:39 PM

Originally posted by St. Theresa View Post

It's more like...

I think that about summarizes all the emotions that I experience when I think about it.

**St. Theresa** · 12-20-2007, 06:32 PM

Originally posted by m3racer View Post

It's more like...

I think that about summarizes all the emotions that I experience when I think about it.

Tell me there's a mansion in there somewhere he could liquidate. Otherwise, how on earth does one get so far in the hole?

**jasanderson** · 12-20-2007, 07:55 PM

Originally posted by St. Theresa View Post

Tell me there's a mansion in there somewhere he could liquidate. Otherwise, how on earth does one get so far in the hole?

I'm thinking you should protect yourself so that someday when he needs to go in a nursing home and passes away you don't have to deal with that mess! yuck! I can't even imagine how someone can get that far in debt, unless it's business related?

**jasanderson** · 12-20-2007, 08:22 PM

I have a story that is so unbelievable you may wonder if it's true - unfortunately this is classic story of parents who do not teach their children the responsibliity of money.

Let me tell you a lovely story about my husband's youngest brother. He got his girlfriend pregnant in their senior year and were married when the kid was a few weeks old. They moved into an apartment for 2 years and then bought a brand new mobile home. When they had kid #2 it wasn't big enough for her so she insisted on a house. They bought a house and dear Mom & Dad (his - who have $$$) helped them out and paid for the next year's worth of rent waiting for it to be sold. They also had to make the payments on it and then the $$ they lost on it. All said, probably $15K.

The young wife is a little credit card crazy so we find out they had also paid off about 8K in CC debt for them to give them a fresh start. They moved into this house and within the first year dear mom & dad paid to have the deck on the front removed and replaced the carpets in the lower level because of water damage from leaking not covered by insurance. Next thing you know - they are both buying new cars with home equity loans and refinances, HUGE tv screens for him, gym memberships, girls weekends away with friends for her, etc. They need a new furnace but because they just can't afford it and god forbid the children freeze Mom & Dad have to pay for it.

Grandma and Grandpa have to watch the kids in lieu of daycare because they can't afford it. CC get out of control AGAIN and guess who pays them off?? Mom & Dad to keep the peace because they worry Mom is a flight risk of dumping the kids on Dad and running away as her sister and mother have track records for that.

Well 6 years later they refinance for the last time at the end of the big housing boom and she just HAD to have a brand new SUV. Him being the doting husband bought it and committed to $500 a month payments. Hey - we can afford this when you get into an option ARM that allows you to make whatever payments you want.
(Loan shark

Hey - if you can't afford the interest only no biggie because we just tack the deficit right back onto your loan

(Dumb BIL

with the housing market no biggie becuase we will be selling the house soon to move into something bigger and make a profit.

Can you guess the ending to this story? Wife charges $7,000 to lose 100 pounds on LA Weight Loss, tells husband she is tired of people controlling her life and doesn't want to be married anymore. She has moved out into an apartment she can't afford, taken the kids with her and he is paying the bills because she can't afford it. Ummm last time I checked if you don't want your life to be controlled then you should take control of it and be responsible for all of it..????

They claim the stress of their money problems has made this happen. The house went into foreclosure and the bank had the sale a few weeks ago, the new SUV was repossessed, she took the car that was paid for, and they will be going through bankruptcy after the foreclosure is done. After that the divorce will be finalized and he will end up paying child support but since he is still in love he will support her if necessary as he doesn't want this. Guess who he is getting $$ from to help pay her bills and his..??

Now you may ask yourself what is he driving if the SUV was reposessed? Here is the kicker to it all - his parents bought him a 2006 car and put it in their names because the bankruptcy isn't final and he needs a car to be able to go to work!!!! I drive a car that is 11 years old and am making payments on because that is what I can afford, barely.

As I said my inlaws have $$ (supposedly millions in the bank) but when it comes to the rest of us there is absolutely NO WAY this would have ever happened. We bought a house 2 years ago and had zero help from them even though we had 2 kids in daycare and could have used it. If things are really bad and my 11 year old car or DH 10 year old truck break down we have been able to borrow $$ to fix them but since DH is a mechanic it's usually only a few hundred dollars.

My DH and his other brothers are not the most responsible and they are definately used to having things their way but I guess they got lucky and married girls who aren't self centered and have pride in not being supported by others.

**simple987** · 12-21-2007, 05:50 AM

Wow! That previous story is the exact same story as my brother and his wife. The details are so close its eerie. My parents bailed them out of debt and bought them a house and wasted tons of money on their marriage while she refused to work since they have two kids. After 5 years she got bored and went back to school and then got a job. After receiving two paychecks she divorced him and then moved to her own apartment. That was 6 months ago, and she just got kicked out of that place since she has horrible money habits and her credit cards are maxed out. So now she is back living with her parents. The story goes on and on.......

**m3racer** · 12-21-2007, 01:55 PM

Originally posted by St. Theresa View Post

Tell me there's a mansion in there somewhere he could liquidate. Otherwise, how on earth does one get so far in the hole?

1) Really poor business IQ
2) Failing to think about the wide range of possible outcomes
3) Compulsive behavior
4) Bad decisions

unfortunately, there is no mansion

Do you know someone who just "doesn't understand" money and spending?