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I'm boring and scared of spending money

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    I'm boring and scared of spending money

    Do you guys ever feel boring? I realized today we've been living pretty much the same budget for 5 years. Only changes for us has been mortgage, rent, mortgage. It's increased a lot but the variable living expenses we've kept the same.

    I am not saying I don't love my life, I do. But I realize financially we're boring. Really boring. We live well, eat out, travel, save, etc.

    But sometimes I wonder what it would be like to spend a little recklessly. Just a little. I wonder what it would feel like to just buy the car I want and not think or ponder about it a lot. Or just sort of indulge in a vacation I didn't plan or budget for. Or buy something really extravagent like $1000 purse or shoes or something. I've never spent more than $150 on sneakers and those are my most expensive shoes (no uggs, bogs, etc.). And I've never bought an expensive purse. My engagement ring was $1000. My wedding dress was $500.

    Do you guys ever feel that urge? My DH and I have always been very fiscally conservative. We've never overspent so I feel like that person who always wanted to do something crazy but never did when they were 18. sounds stupid I know. But the habits we were raised with are so ingrained it's really hard to break.

    Saturday we went out to our anniversary dinner (13 years) and my DH says "huh we're awful flush right now." A dinner we spent $50 on after $100 in free gift cards. I mean he's sitting there and says "wow this is kinda extravagent we must make a lot of money now." I say yes compared to before. He says hmmm...I don't think we can afford to do this sort of things. This is our 2nd meal out for the year without kids and the other one was cheaper. If it matters I was a little nervous spending that much, so we're the same train of thought.

    But it made me realize I really would like to go out and spend $ on something ridiculously dumb and not feel guilty.

    How do you guys deal? Am I ridiculous? I mean he turns 40 in December and I've mentioned going away for an overnight or two and friends were like "indulge go to the 4 seasons." Our eyes nearly bugged out, we've barely stayed best western. So you can see the problem. DH is like it's too much for me turning 40.

    Help me wrap my head around this.
    LivingAlmostLarge Blog

    (What would happen to your finances if you went on an unplanned vacation or bought a $1000 purse?)

    One -- boring -- solution is to make an Unplanned Spending fund, and buy your handbag, take your wild vacation, indulge at the Four Seasons from it.


      Also... financial recklessness is -- while certainly not boring -- is only exciting if you deny the reality of your horrible financial shape. And you'll stop denying even that when the bill collectors start calling.


        Everyone profiled in the "Millionaire Next Door" was pretty boring too. Seemed to work out ok for them. Sounds like you are doing everything right.


          Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post
          I really would like to go out and spend $ on something ridiculously dumb
          This about this statement because I think it contains the answer to your question.

          Why would I want to do something that I think is "ridiculously dumb"?
          What enjoyment would I get out of that?

          The answer is I wouldn't want to do that and I wouldn't get enjoyment out of it.

          That said, we all do splurge from time to time. The key is to splurge on something that you actually value and don't think is ridiculously dumb. I would suggest splurging on experiences rather than things. If you go out and buy a $1,000 handbag, every time you look at it, you're going to be reminded of how much it cost. You're going to feel stupid carrying it. You're going to worry about damaging it or having it stolen.

          With an experience, however, like show tickets or a great meal or a vacation, you'll remember how much you enjoyed it. You might say, "Damn that was expensive but it sure was fun."

          There's nothing wrong with spending money, even lots of money, on something that matters to you both as long as all of your ducks are in a row.

          * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
          * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
          * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.


            to add on to Disney Steve's response...

            I think you realize that buying stuff does not bring you happiness. I realized that a long time ago and find other ways to "enjoy" my money.

            Maybe it is buying 10 more shares of VTI or tipping extra or buying a nicer gift for someone.


              Looking for adrenaline? Play team sports. Run. Volunteer fire department if in small town or rural. Volunteer for crisis services. Rock climb. Sky dive. I don't know-- Seems to me there would be ways to shake your boredom and do some good for yourself (and maybe others) at the same time.
              "There is some ontological doubt as to whether it may even be possible in principle to nail down these things in the universe we're given to study." --text msg from my kid

              "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." --Frederick Douglass


                Welcome to the club.

                I've said many times that "I'm boring" and we have had literally the exact same conversations on multiple occasions. Frankly, I/we are complete homebodies. I get far more enjoyment from staying home & cooking my family a meal than I ever get from going out to dinner. We go out hiking or camping occasionally, but not nearly enough. Same story for getting together with our friends that live in town. We spend very little, really... We save ~50% of our income, ~10% to taxes, etc., 10% to tithing. We're living off of 30% of our income, including 12% for housing & 7.5% for childcare. The remaining ~10% encompasses everything else that we spend in a month. Seriously?? I only just put those numbers together & it's a little shocking... We really do need to get out more...

                Though we are getting better about biting the bullet & spending money on "wants" .... For example, my wife gave birth to our second child in June, and went back to work off of maternity leave at the beginning of September. We've been so busy between work and building new habits with both boys that we really had let cleaning/caring for the house fall to the wayside. So I finally agreed that she could hire a housekeeper (very irregular, like 2 evenings/month) to help us get the house back in order... While I'm not entirely comfortable with it, I'll admit that it was refreshing to have the help while we handled getting the boys to bed, and she just cleaned. I'm also currently arranging a trip over Thanksgiving for a family reunion, and another vacation/anniversary cruise in February (congrats on your recent anniversary, btw!).

                So with that I'm mind, I think I'll say that the most important thing to consider when you look at how you spend your money is that you do so deliberately. If you are happy with your life, don't mess with success. If you feel like something is missing, decide what you think that might be (travel, hobbies, entertainment, other experiences, etc) and try it out. Just keep in mind that in most cases, "stuff" is not what's missing in anyone's life. Spend your money on enjoyable experiences, and that's where you'll get the best return (of happiness/satisfaction) for your money. As I said, just be deliberate in what you choose to do with your money, and I've found that the deliberate nature of our elective spending has helped us to spend, enjoy, and appreciate more of our income.
                Last edited by kork13; 09-19-2017, 09:12 AM.
                "Praestantia per minutus" ... "Acta non verba"


                  I love spending money just as much as I love saving. I spent over $30,000 on a car I loved before, without thinking at all about the price because we had all kinds of cash to pay for it at the time. It was glorious. Not even exaggerating. I LOVED that car and truly enjoyed driving in it, even in traffic jams. I spent $400 on a purse in 2007. I still use it every day, but it is showing its age now. I love the purse. I don't think about how much it costs when I look at it. I think about how much I like it.

                  I spent $199 on my wedding dress and $19 at Payless for my wedding shoes. I didn't care about a dress that I was only going to be wearing for a few hours. I would have spent more if I found something that I loved, but I didn't. I still don't care about it, and I don't even think about my dress when I think about my wedding.

                  Buy what you love, otherwise you are wasting money. Look for deals to bring the cost down. Set money aside to pay for it so it isn't interfering with bills and retirement. And do your research to decide that you really want it. I used a coupon for my Coach purse (it was $450), so I don't feel the slightest remorse for buying it. I had the cash, it was close to Mother's Day and my birthday, and I wanted it. Case closed. I looked at Chanel and Vuitton, and there wasn't that much difference construction-wise between them. I needed a car, we ordered it from Chrysler at less than dealer cost because of a family discount, and I have no regrets.
                  Last edited by msomnipotent; 09-19-2017, 05:59 PM.


                    sounds almost mid life crisisey.

                    Do you guys ever feel boring? No, if I feel like buying something I will, if I don't, then I don't. My impulses are normally not large or frequent enough that buying things is an issue. And I never feel like buying just because it's exciting, in the same way I never feel like taking a wad of money and lighting it on fire. When buying something, there comes a point where returns are diminishing and you don't really get value for the additional amount spent. $1000 shoes? I would personally see $0 value in $900 of that amount.
                    Last edited by ~bs; 09-19-2017, 01:11 PM.


                      You should enjoy life spend however it pleases you. Often, were mistaken being broke equals unhappiness.

                      Happiness is not correlated with having money. Don't get me wrong having money helps. Happiness is an experience. Do you think you can find happiness staying at a 4 season hotel versus Best Western? Maybe you can find a real happiness staying at 4 season hotel. (Come to think of it that might actually turn out to be a good Yelp review).
                      Got debt?


                        I probably love spending money more than I love saving it. Spending money, however, robs you of a financially independent life in the future in which you may never actually experience true freedom.

                        Life to me is not about a 2 week vacation once per year and work till I'm 65. I do not want to lay on my death bed with the majority of my memories being about work. Work is monotonous. It truly rob your life away. You can't tell the difference between what you did today vs what you did last Thursday. When all the working days start to blur together like that, you get the sense that time is moving at a lightning pace. How many times have a year gone by in your 30s, 40s, 50s and it felt like a blink of an eye? Remember when you were young and a year seems like an eternity? This is because when you stop accumulating new experiences, the time just seem to fly by.

                        So my philosophy are summarized in these few simple steps.

                        1. Make as much money as possible in the shortest amount of time possible (this means earning high income and achieve this however which way can't be lazy, you will most likely do things you might not enjoy like taking harder classes or taking risks).
                        2. Save as much money as possible(not sticking to a percentage and live in a LCOLA) and have this money quickly work for you.
                        3. Accumulate as much as you can and let compounding interest snowball till 40-45
                        4. FIRE, quit, travel, enjoy spending passive income. I will make sure every second of my life will not be wasted on same old monotonous experiences when I FIRE.

                        I am okay with a boring life in my late 20s and 30s..but my 40s beyond will be amazing.
                        Last edited by Singuy; 09-19-2017, 07:47 PM.


                          People use to save and have a hobby or a vice they would splurge on ... I think that's fine especially for someone like you who has your house in order.

                          The problem nowadays is people have too many "hobbies" and "vices" .. it's not just one thing anymore. Everyone is a "foodie" spending $50 twice every weekend, everyone wants a PS4 and XBOX, so everyone is a gamer spending $50 a game every week. everyone's into cars, it's not just for car enthusiasts anymore. Everyone with a little big of disposable income wants to join a country club. If we all just had the one thing that we' splurge on, we'd probably be fine.

                          When I was spending recklessly , I was a techie with a new expensive Android phone every year, I was a foodie, I would dry clean all my work clothes.

                          O and the latest trend is , everyone wants to be a world traveler.


                            Originally posted by Singuy View Post
                            Life to me is not about a 2 week vacation once per year and work till I'm 65.

                            I am okay with a boring life in my late 20s and 30s..but my 40s beyond will be amazing.
                            You are assuming that you can't both work and enjoy life. Sorry, but I firmly disagree. I work full time. Still, in the past year, we have been to Disney World twice, taken a Caribbean cruise, visited Phoenix, hiked the south rim of the Grand Canyon, spent a few days in NYC, and are about to leave for a week in Kentucky (among other smaller experiences we've had). We've been to arts festivals, food truck festivals, various concerts and shows. We've dined out at fine restaurants and some real dive places with great food (usually the BBQ joints ).

                            I've got no problem going to work each day and then enjoying the fruits of my labor when I'm not at work. Would it be even better to not have to work? Probably. But I like what I do. We're saving plenty. Who knows what the future holds. My father died pretty young. My wife's father died even younger. I've already lost a friend or two and I'm only 53. I want to enjoy every day, not work my butt off and hope I get to enjoy future days.

                            * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                            * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                            * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.


                              Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post
                              We live well, eat out, travel, save, etc.
                              This does not sound boring to me. It sounds like a pretty good life.

                              LAL - What is it that you feel you are missing in your life? Excitement? A touch of luxury? Alone time with your husband? Purpose? There may be ways to achieve whatever you are looking for without buying a $1000 handbag.

                              If it's simply that your friends think you should stay at the Four Seasons ... well, just remember that "social indifference" is one of the predictive factors of wealth building (IF wealth building is something you care about).

                              As far as how I personally deal, yes, even I (someone whose has been lovingly described by her husband as the fiercest of penny-pinchers) do sometimes splurge on small things, focusing on what will bring me the greatest return in terms of amount of satisfaction for dollars spent. My most recent splurge, for the sake of vanity and to add a touch of luxury to my life, was a silk pillowcase. And when I was feeling the need for a change of pace, I splurged by driving the dog to a nearby park for her morning walk instead of the usual stroll around the neighborhood. We (dog & I) both returned feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, and so the gas and bit of wear & tear on the car was well worth it.
                              Last edited by scfr; 09-20-2017, 05:27 AM. Reason: added last paragraph