How much should you spend on a wedding?

[MonkeyMama]

But calling it a waste of money is a judgement. Just because it's a waste to you or me doesn't mean the person who did it thinks it was a waste.

Maybe not the best choice of words. A marriage costs what it costs to go down to the courthouse. Everything above that is optional. If you have the means, spend what you want on your wedding. Maybe I should have said that I didn't see the point in all the excess expenses (not required to get married), but it never kept me up at night because it seemed to make other people happy and no one went broke over it.

[disneysteve]

If you have the means, spend what you want on your wedding.

I think that's really the key. The problem is so very many people don't have the means but do it anyway. Lots of people do go into debt, sometimes significantly, to have that dream wedding. That where it becomes a problem, no different than the people who buy a house or car or take a vacation that they can't afford.

[msomnipotent]

We paid around $20,000 for ours 19 years ago. His family thought we wasted a lot of money on the food and drinks, which is the most important aspect to my side of the family, and I thought we wasted money on the cake and church services, which was most important to them. We certainly wasted money on his pastor coming because he argued with the pastor of the church we were at, took the money, and then left before saying the prayer before the meal. The only job he had to do was say a prayer before the meal! We opted to pay extra for the 200 person room instead of squeezing everyone into the smaller room. We had to pay for plates for imaginary guests, but it was worth it to me. My family likes to spread out and dance.

The only input my parents had was the open bar. My husband didn't understand how important an open bar is and we were arguing about it. My mother stepped in and offered to give the difference as a cash gift. She was going to give that amount anyway, but at least he stopped complaining.

[TexasHusker]

My in-laws went somewhat chintzy on the wedding, and I think my wife has always regretted that. Of course, my folks went total chintz on the honeymoon (groom's folks customarily pay for this), and acted as though they knew nothing about the custom. I was making $930 a month so it certainly wan't in my grasp to pay for a honeymoon.

That was embarrassing to me then, and even embarrassing to me 29 years later.

For better or for worse, a wedding is a sentinel event in one's life - especially the bride's. It is wise to err on the side of over-delivering IMO.

[Smallsteps]

at the end of the day if the couple is happy so be it.
I eloped to Vegas had a good weekend and had a great time all included under $2,000 including flights, room and wedding package.
Don't care what anyone else thinks .............it was for me and spouse. I highly recommend it.

[creditcardfree]

My Of course, my folks went total chintz on the honeymoon (groom's folks customarily pay for this), and acted as though they knew nothing about the custom.

I've never heard of this as being a custom grooms parents to pay. We skipped a honeymoon. We couldn't afford it and we had to work!

[creditcardfree]

Our entire wedding was about $4,500 probably not including the cost those who were our bridesmaids and groomsman. Yes there was a dress, professional hair, a photographer, a bakery cake, a $250 dress (borrowed a slip), rings, buffet dinner in a nice location, with the marriage at a church. Brother in law got us a limo. Both our parents chipped in for the reception for about 150 people, which was the bulk of the cost. We had a open bar (technically, there was a limit, which was not exceeded). We had simple centerpieces. Very limited flowers.

Weddings can be done nicely without breaking the bank! Over the top weddings often happen because people want to impress their friends. We just wanted a nice wedding and did our best to keep costs reasonable. I'm pretty sure no one went into debt for our wedding. Oh, I suppose we were trying to keep costs reasonable...my sister got married four weeks later.

[disneysteve]

my folks went total chintz on the honeymoon (groom's folks customarily pay for this), and acted as though they knew nothing about the custom..

First time I’ve ever heard that. Must be a Texas thing. Around here the tradition is for the groom’s family to pay for the rehearsal dinner the night before.

[TexasHusker]

First time I’ve ever heard that. Must be a Texas thing. Around here the tradition is for the groom’s family to pay for the rehearsal dinner the night before.

Well maybe my folks are from where you are!

[safari]

We had our wedding at a local chapel, which cost around $600 and included 2 hours of space reserved for 13 guests and the guy who conducted the ceremony itself. My wife was against buying a wedding dress, so she just got a nice evening dress for the occasion for around $100. We then drove to the restaurant where we had a private room reserved and had a nice dinner, which cost us around $3,000. Next day we left for the honeymoon in Bora Bora, which cost us over $15,000. The point is that we had the means to spend a lot more on the ceremony, but it wasn't something either of us was interested in. We didn't have bachelor/bachelorette parties either.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I really question do people really spend $30k on a wedding? Okay I know this board is frugal but do people really spend that much? Are they exaggerating?

[TexasHusker]

I really question do people really spend $30k on a wedding? Okay I know this board is frugal but do people really spend that much? Are they exaggerating?

I believe it can easily happen. A local name-brand photographer will run you $5K pretty easily for a wedding, just for some photos. Heck, we paid $2K just for some senior pictures!

[disneysteve]

I really question do people really spend $30k on a wedding? Okay I know this board is frugal but do people really spend that much? Are they exaggerating?

You need to get out more .

Our wedding was 20K in 1992.
Our daughter's Bat Mitzvah was about that much in 2008.

30K is nothing. Women spend a few thousand on their dress alone. Photography and video can run thousands more. The reception can easily be over $100/person so if you have 150 guests, that's at least $15,000 right there. Invitations, flowers, party favors, band, limo, etc. It isn't hard at all to hit 50K or more without even being all that extravagant.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

It's probably that I have been to A LOT of weddings but I imagine they are a lot cheaper than they really are. I'm pretty certain my cousins both had $50k+ weddings. I mean my kiddos flower girl dress was $300.

Anyway I am probably underestimating what it cost. Especially when a coutuerie (is that how it's spelled) dress easily cost $10k.

[scfr]

The word "should" in the topic line of this thread is really tricky.

What I think would be interesting is to know if there is a correlation between money spent on a wedding and longevity/happiness/mutual respect of the union.

A wedding is just one day.