PSA: check on your neighbors (guilty as charged)

[JoeP]

I'm guilty of judging before having the facts, and want to share this lesson with the people here.

My next door neighbor is a single mom who has had a hard life. She has 3 grown kids, but the household situation has been far less than ideal. I've helped out here and there cutting her lawn, snow blowing her driveway, and helping her son with their riding mower. With the kids moved out, and her being on permanent disability, she had to rely on a plow service this past winter.

Now with limited income, her grass was getting tall and I was wondering when someone was going to cut it. I should have done more than just wonder.

She caught me as I was packing my truck:

• Got diagnosed with breast cancer (relapse) and has to go in for surgery
• Oldest son moved to San Diego and she doesn't see him (kind of black sheep)
• Daughter had second baby, but she doesn't see them often
• Youngest son (who did all the house work) moved to Tennessee
• Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer at 90 and is facing surgery
• Kids' father passed away a few months ago

So of course I volunteered to mow her lawn. With all she's dealing with, I absolutely refused payment, and will keep doing it until she tells me to stop. I feel bad that I didn't know earlier so I could have helped out sooner; she must have felt awkward asking me.

I guess the lesson I learned here is to check on your neighbors. It's not like the old days where you saw your neighbors almost daily, but that might be something worth bringing back.

[creditcardfree]

Thanks for sharing. You are absolutely right. We as members of our community need to check on each other and be neighborly. We've lived away from family because of the military for over ten years. The best neighborhoods we lived in are the ones where we have known our neighbors and with some of them we have helped each other with children, pets and mail while on vacation and more.

[97guns]

I remember as a kid neighbors used to always come over to drink coffee with my parents or to borrow a cup of sugar or flour, not the case anymore at least in my current neighborhood, we give the casual waves and hello but that's it

[rennigade]

A nosy neighbor is the best home security you'll ever have. I know its frowned upon when some people in the neighborhood are in everyone's business...but those are also the same people who recognize when a random van is driving around or parked on the street.

[disneysteve]

Times have changed so much since I grew up (I'm 52). I grew up in a rowhome in Philadelphia. We knew ALL of our neighbors and were friendly with most of them. We were always in and out of each other's homes, playing with each other's kids, helping out around the house, whatever. Our lawns all connected and the kids, and adults, were always outside in nice weather running back and forth. It wasn't unusual to end up in a house other than your own for dinner or lunch on the weekends. Sometimes we'd even end up in a house other than our own to spend the night even though we lived right down the street.

Today, I know exactly one of our neighbors, and we've lived here for 23 years. I very rarely see anyone sitting outside or doing anything outside other than possibly yard work, and most people hire someone to do that. The one neighbor we are friendly with (the people right next to us) are the only ones whose home I have ever been inside of.

I miss that connection with everyone. When we first moved in, we actually hosted a backyard barbecue and invited everyone on the block. It was nice but never developed into any ongoing relationships.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

I like what you are saying. I see an unmown lawn that has previously been mown as a signal of trouble.

Last year, a lawn down the block from me was knee high and full of branches from a dying tree. I had met the owner before and knew she was single with no family in the area. Day after day I kept passing her house, telling myself that I should check on her. When finally I did, I found out that she was really sick and in pain. She was under medical care, but she could take care of herself only minimally. Her house was filthy inside, too. She wanted to sell the house and move cross country to where she had family. She had been out of work for months due to her illnesses, and I forget why, but she was not going to have that position when she got better. She'd spent all her savings, but had some private disability income. Just not enough to pay people to do things she normally did for herself.

Anyway, I cleaned up her front yard, pruned her over grown shrubs, weeded the flower bed, spread mulch, got the mowing done. After that head start, she was able to pay someone to mow the rest of the growing season. But the initial job would have just been more paid hours than she could afford.

I felt a little sad that her next door neighbors had not offered help. I guess people want to mind their own business.

[~bs]

A nosy neighbor is the best home security you'll ever have. I know its frowned upon when some people in the neighborhood are in everyone's business...but those are also the same people who recognize when a random van is driving around or parked on the street.

if you're good neighbors, you can tell the others to look out for you when you're on a trip, and they'll do the same for you.

One of my friends drinks out side his house daily (not saying it's good), but it's pretty good security for the neighbors. they usually buy him a case beer when they go on extended trips to thank him for keeping an eye out.

[bjl584]

An elderly woman lives across the street from me. I help her carry her groceries when I see her come home from the store, but I work a lot, so I'm sure there are plenty of times where she is forced to carry things into the house herself. She has a walker, and I worry about her taking a fall when no one is around to see it happen or help her. I don't know much about her other than she lives alone. She does have a son that I see from time to time checking on her. She also has a grandson that will mow her grass. I don't feel that she should be living on her own.

[cypher1]

I'm definitely the minority in the fact that I just happen to be a very private person even if I'm literally the first house on the block. I only talk to one neighbor regularly, as he's right next me, with a pond on the other side. Otherwise I still wave, smile, and say "hi" as others pass by.

I'm sure my attitude would change if I had a family, but I prefer to not be bothered. I quickly realized this when a friend stayed for 3 months,and she talked to almost everyone on the block. Turns out, her dog was the ice breaker for opening a dialogue.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Where we used to live there was an older gentleman who would sit outside a lot of the year. And then one day he disappeared. We all wondered and he would feed the birds and small at me and the kids when we walked the dog and used ice melt safe for kids and dogs. Turns out he fell and was hospitalized and died. Actually that happened during our 10 years to 2 other neighbors and we realized it when driveways weren't plowed. It's nice to check on people.