Is There a Correlation Between Gender and How We Think About Net Worth?

[scfr]

I've noticed that several married men on the forum talk about "my net worth" or state that they are millionaires when they seem to be talking about their total household net worth, without dividing the household's net worth by the number of partners in the marriage.

It seems that the women don't usually state their net worth, but when they do, if they are married they will sometimes break it down by "household net worth" vs. "individual net worth." I know I've seen that on the blogs (maybe not on the forums).

As much as I'd like to do a poll on this, I don't think we have a large enough sampling to get a significant result.

So let me just ask the married folks: Are you male or female? When you state (or think about) "your" net worth, are you talking/thinking about the total household's net worth? Or the net worth of the household divided by the number of adults in the partnership (usually 2 but sometimes it's more)? If you think of the entire household's net worth as "yours," why is that?

Personally, I'm female, and I have never stated my net worth. When I do my net worth calculation, I calculate it for the household. When I think about "my" net worth, it is the household net worth divided by 2.

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And let me just state, so that the discussion hopefully doesn't get sidetracked, I'm NOT talking about whether or not household finances should be joint or separate. Or whether spouses share in the finances equally. What I'm talking about the fact that, at least in community property states, if a married person dies, their estate is half of the community property. But I'm under the impression that not a common way for people (or at least men) to speak about their net worth, and I wonder why.

I do wonder if this leads to overstatements in the media and elsewhere about the advantages married households have over single households. If a two-person household had a combined total net worth of $1M, but when polled both partners stated that they had a net worth of $1M, that would lead people to think that particular married household was twice as well off as it actually is. They are actually on equal footing, financially speaking, with a single-person household that has a net worth of $500K.

[kork13]

Married, male, and I handle all of our household's finances. When I talk about net worth, there is only one number: our total household net worth. Honestly, I don't feel that I could (in good faith) state that any particular portion of our household's net worth is "mine" vs. "hers", or as an "individual net worth".

I came into our relationship with significantly more than my wife... something like $250k vs. $25k. But once we got married, I stopped paying attention to whose money was whose. Sure, our retirement accounts are very specifically mine vs. hers, but I still think of them as "our" assets. And at this point, with both of us earning healthy incomes & our finances/savings/investments so completely intermingled, there's no way in the world that I could begin to say what money "belongs" to either one of us, even if I tried... Honestly, I think community property states have it right -- attempting to break that out during a divorce would be (in my opinion) an exercise in futility, and only a point of guaranteed contention.

With that said, in discussion (especially on these boards), I will often "slip up" and talk about "my" finances or "my" savings or "my" net worth. I'm still talking about that one same number (household net worth, or household finances, etc.), but I often have to correct myself to say "our" instead of "my". I expect that's more because I was already well-established as an independent 27 y/o before I was married, so I still sometimes think in terms of "me" vs. "us". Unless that's some sort of Freudian slip and my subconscious mind truly does think of things as "mine" and not "ours"? I dunno.

[msomnipotent]

I'm a housewife. I do all the finance stuff and I have never considered it as more mine or his. I think I always say "my net worth" unless we are having a conversation with both of us present. I haven't really thought about it before.

[Jluke]

Male, married for 5 years.

I do not include my wife's finances in any of my calculations. I did just start adding to her Roth in 2016 and take into consideration her investment asset allocation. But at the end of the day her numbers currently do not change the overall financial picture that much.

If we rely solely on my numbers that keeps me on track to save as much as I can and her savings will be like an added bonus to us.

[disneysteve]

Male, married 24 years.

Our finances are all joint. Anytime I state anything regarding our finances, with the exception of balances of individual retirement accounts like Roths and 401ks, I'm speaking jointly. When I state net worth, I mean our combined net worth. We're in this together.

Sometimes I type "I" or "my" just out of convenience. I mean "we" or "our".

[Like2Plan]

I see this on another financial board where someone will declare they are a member of the 2 comma club and then discussion will ensue. Firstly, whether that includes home equity and secondly whether it is joint assets. Then, there is a discussion on whether it the first 2 items should be taken into account. But, you do make a fair point about it could be misleading.

I don't like to mention my net worth since I'm retired and it isn't really very remarkable that over a lifetime of work I have accumulated enough on which to retire. But, if I were to, I would fall into the household income also including home equity group. After all, what is mine is mine and what is DH's is mine, too. (Kidding.)

But, seriously I do track our assets individually because almost all of our accounts are owned individually. Most of our savings are in tax advantaged accounts and only one person can own them. I have always tried to keep our overall assets roughly 50-50 because that is what my grandma did. I think she was concerned with making sure the estate exemption was spread out equally between them. Estate laws have changed since she passed, but it still seems like a good idea to me.

[MonkeyMama]

Female.

I agree with the others. There is absolutely no his/hers in our house, financially. So if I talk about net worth, it would be our combined net worth. I think of it as "our" net worth, but when blogging or discussing in forum I probably say "my" net worth not to confuse others. I Am sure I have said it both ways in the past. "Separate net worths" is not how I think about it at all. But on the flip side, it would be impossible to break it down into his/hers net worth so I've personally never extrapolated our individual net worths. I don't know why I would need to or want to.

I know for us, some of it is being together since we were 18, so everything we have we have built together. I think a lot of women in the blogs have married much later and view things as more separate. Which I think makes perfect sense. If i have been blogging as a single person for 10 years and tracking my progress alone, and I still want to track that progress, it's confusing to suddenly add someone else's income and assets. For that, it makes perfect sense to me. I could easily see doing the same for blogging purposes, or maybe even feeling a wee bit more ownership of assets that I have built on my own.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

female and it's our net worth and no home equity.

[rennigade]

Married...depends on how im referring to money. A lot of times I say my accounts, my this, my that when im only speaking of my 401k, my roth ira, any other investments under my name. Even though its under my name being married makes it both of ours whether I say mine or not.

I wouldnt read too far into how people reference money. We, our, both, mine...if you're married its all the same...unless you have a prenuptial agreement...then those terms could mean something different.

[Like2Plan]

Female.

But on the flip side, it would be impossible to break it down into his/hers net worth so I've personally never extrapolated our individual net worths. I don't know why I would need to or want to.

Our lawyer gave us a worksheet titled, "Composition and Value of Estate: (List Separate and jointly-owned property)" when we were last updating our wills.
There were categories for
1. Property,
2. cash assets and bank accounts,
3. TSP accounts, mutual funds and investment accounts,
4. SGLI, Death Gratuity and other life insurance policies, and
5. valuables.
(It is all broken down to property addresses, who owns what, beneficiaries, etc)

So, since I had to look everything up anyway I made an excel spreadsheet. The lawyer encouraged us to keep a copy with our will and keep it updated. I try to do it at least once a year. I consider it a treasure map for my(our) beneficiary(s). All I have to do to figure our net worth is to exclude the life insurance amounts.

[disneysteve]

If a two-person household had a combined total net worth of $1M, but when polled both partners stated that they had a net worth of $1M, that would lead people to think that particular married household was twice as well off as it actually is.

I wouldn't think that at all. I don't think I've ever heard a married person talk about only their own assets in that way. If you separately asked me and my wife how much we have, we'd both give you a similar figure, not half of the actual figure.

[phantom]

I'm female and married. I definitely think of and talk about "our net worth" rather than "my net worth." As long as we plan to stay together and keep saving and spending as a team, I see no reason to split it up.

The part I'm not sure how to count is money in my 2 year old's 529 and savings account. I'm still in control of all of that money, and it doesn't amount to much relative to the rest of our net worth. But, I plan on giving it entirely to her some day, and I'm not sure how to classify it in the meantime.

[disneysteve]

The part I'm not sure how to count is money in my 2 year old's 529 and savings account. I'm still in control of all of that money, and it doesn't amount to much relative to the rest of our net worth. But, I plan on giving it entirely to her some day, and I'm not sure how to classify it in the meantime.

I wouldn't count it as part of your assets or net worth if it is her money, even if you are currently the custodian. I never considered DD's 529 money to be anything but hers.

[AJ444]

Male and I consider it our net worth. To my knowledge I don't recall anyone on any forums or blogs I've read splitting the number.

[MonkeyMama]

Our lawyer gave us a worksheet titled, "Composition and Value of Estate: (List Separate and jointly-owned property)" when we were last updating our wills.

...

So, since I had to look everything up anyway I made an excel spreadsheet. The lawyer encouraged us to keep a copy with our will and keep it updated. I try to do it at least once a year. I consider it a treasure map for my(our) beneficiary(s). All I have to do to figure our net worth is to exclude the life insurance amounts.

My point was more that we don't have any separate assets. I suppose I just have to divide our total assets by 2, but I don't know why we would ever do that. (Besides the obvious - separation - which we are not planning for).