Do You Treat Your Children in Financially Equal Ways?

[Snicks]

Just curious how others manage spending on their kids? For instance, at Christmas do you spend equal amounts on your children? How do you keep track of the spending in terms of what they might need or require whereas another child might not need or require the same things? One might need braces for instance and one doesnt'. Or one wants to go to college and one joins the Military, etc.

[srblanco7]

Short answer - we certainly try, without being overly exacting in terms of keeping track. That being said, I'm not sure that we've been faced with an event as of yet where a disparity would be apparent (e.g., college vs military). Both had braces, both have college funds with approximately equal amounts, we've supported both in sports clubs, etc.

And, when we pass, our will mandates a 50/50 split of anything that remains.

[Snicks]

I find it difficult to be equal. I mean, I think we took a more, we will give you what you need at the time. For instance, for Christmas when my sons were teens, they were getting into more pricey electronics whereas my daughter was still happy with a few toys . So didnt' make sense to spend equally at that time. However, when she was a teen we got her similar type things. So maybe we kept it somewhat equal but there was a delayed timeframe whereas other parents I talked to would simply decide to spend $X amount for each child. I didn't find that very workable. For college, our oldest was not so much into going to college. He took a gap year then finally went to a trade school for a 2 yr degree. We paid for it in full. However, we were clear that we would have paid for a 4 yr degree had he went on that path but he didn't choose to do that. So it is "unfair" that less was spent on one? Our other son did a 5 yr Engineering degree and our daughter is undergrad and has been accepted to Medical School. We offered to pay for their undergrad degrees. But obviously less was spent on the 2 yr degree than the 4 yr degrees.

[jenn_jenn]

Snicks, I wouldn’t worry about it being equal. I grew up with the saying that “fair doesn’t always mean equal” and I truly believe that.

I don’t have kids so I can’t speak to that personally but I can speak on the receiving end of things. My parents had 4 kids. There’s a 10 year span between the oldest and youngest. Things have never been equal if you were to break it down monetarily (sometimes that was because we had different needs and sometimes that’s because my parents had different means at different stages of life) but one thing that was constant was my parents have always done the best of their ability to support and be there for each of their children.

For the bigger life expenses, my parents paid for 3 out of 4 college tuitions (varied greatly in cost), 3 out of 4 braces, contributed to 1 weddings (this will bump up to 2 whenever my sister gets married). My parents have at different times helped my brothers financially in adulthood that me and my sister don’t need. I think the only time there was any feeling of resentment or unfairness was about the cars we received when we were 16. My sister and I got nicer cars because my dad didn’t want us to worry about us breaking down on the side of the road. My brothers got older cars. They got over it.

We all love each other and are contributing members of society. Nothing bad happened. Your children don’t need everything to be equal.

[sblatner]

We try to be equal when it comes to birthdays or Christmas. One went to college and one became a pilot and we spent almost the exact same amount on each (which we still can't believe) so those parts are equal.

Now, we have one son who makes about twice what the other makes (and actually more after options and 401k match). The well paid one got a 2007 Honda Civic in 2016 and the other got a 2010 Subaru Outback 4WD...the Subaru was needed as he was going to snow country and had to drive from the college to the airport. The 2007 Honda Civic kid never complained - he still owns the car and lives in San Francisco and parks it on the street. It has never been broken into probably because it is so old and he leaves nothing of value in it.

I actually talk to both kids about what we give the other. We are helping the pilot with his car insurance for a year or two. We pay for him to fly to see us. The well paid one knows all of this.

As far as I know, my parents have been pretty open about what they have given my brother. His family has gotten more but that is because he has one more kid.


I'm hoping that if I keep an open communication with both of our kids, there will never be an issue.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

For the most part yes. Things do get given based on age like my DK1 is getting a "home" cell phone first, but my DK2 will likely get the same deal. For birthdays we don't give them anything really but what they want. But we set aside the same amount of money. But the returns haven't been the same.