Making private charitable donations

[nadine_doa]

I don't know where else to go with this question.

DH and I have very little debt and large cash reserves. Add to that our recent inheritances and we feel we're secure for retirement.

What I want to do is make relatively small but meaningful donations to individuals who are in certain kinds of situations. The way I have gone about this so far is to approach the individual privately online, assure them I'm a respected citizen who expects nothing in return but anonymity and offer to pay to solve a particular problem. The problem is something they've agonized over online.

The issue is that to date, no one has accepted. Clearly this approach isn't working.

Before you say it, no, I do not wish to give money to organized charities. I have done that in the past and watched as it was squandered. I am not a church-going person, either, as I am an atheist. Otherwise I think churches are an excellent conduit for getting help to those who need it.

What would you do if you were me?

[DaveInPgh]

Where are you seeing their hard luck stories?

Why can't you just Google their address (if you don't already have it), and send them a cashier's check along with a note?

"I read that you are having a tough time. I hope this helps"

[nadine_doa]

Where are you seeing their hard luck stories?

Online. In forums much larger than this one.

Why can't you just Google their address (if you don't already have it), and send them a cashier's check along with a note?

"I read that you are having a tough time. I hope this helps"

I agree, that would be great. But people don't divulge their physical addresses in forums. At a bare minimum I need the email address they use for PayPal.

What I find particularly frustrating -- and I will have to find a way to get over this -- is that the woman who turned down my offer to buy plane tickets yesterday is back to complaining today that she doesn't have the money to buy plane tickets.

It's as if all some people want to do is complain, even when a disinterested party is offering to solve their problem with no exertion on her part.

[DaveInPgh]

Online. In forums much larger than this one.

I agree, that would be great. But people don't divulge their physical addresses in forums. At a bare minimum I need the email address they use for PayPal.

What I find particularly frustrating -- and I will have to find a way to get over this -- is that the woman who turned down my offer to buy plane tickets yesterday is back to complaining today that she doesn't have the money to buy plane tickets.

It's as if all some people want to do is complain, even when a disinterested party is offering to solve their problem with no exertion on her part.

Why can't you post what forum you are referring to?

There are no shortage of scams online so it is not shocking that the woman is hesitant to trust you. I have received some great advice on this forum, but I wouldn't give my personal information out to anyone on here.

Send me a link to the post you are referring to, and I will respond with the woman's address for you to send her a cashier's check.

[bigdaddybus]

I left an envelope with cash in a persons mailbox I knew was struggling to get by after a job loss and that worked fine.

There are just so many scammers online that I suggest being very cautious.

If I were you, I would find a local establishment to help out financially. Do you have something that you are passionate about wanting to help?

Me, I have a passion for helping kids. So donations to early childhood programs, classroom supplies etc in the lower income schools would be an option. Your local Children's Hospital is another option.

Maybe fighting homelessness, helping unwed mothers, drug treatment support, foster kids, the arts, find out if your local fire department or police department desire equipment that's not in the budget. My local PD just posted 2 dog bulletproof vests that were donated to the department by a "friend of the department".

Donate 50 turkeys to the local food pantry as Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching. There are limitless opportunities out there

[nadine_doa]

I would rather not say which forums.

In this particular case, she "knows" me from the subforum discussions. She is familiar with my family situation and knows that I am familiar with hers as she uses the forums as a sort-of blog.

It's not as though I approached her out of the blue.

I respect the privacy of others, so I'm not going to open them up to scrutiny. Heck, my BIL is a private investigator. If I really wanted to be pushy and intrusive I could just put him on the case. Or I could use my own considerable online research skills.

But I don't. She said no and that's the end of it.

[DaveInPgh]

At a bare minimum I need the email address they use for PayPal.

If you are not interested in intrusively sending something to their home, then why would you need anything more than their e-mail address? What else would you like to have to implement your non random act of kindness?

[HundredK]

I agree with your sentiments about charities being badly run, but I will say that I have some experience in this area, administratively speaking. If you are insistent, you can actually work with an organized charity in a way that will ensure your money isn't squandered. And then you get the tax deduction, which is something you don't get giving privately. Some things I have seen donors do that are successful in their funds actually reaching the intended recipient:

1. Insist on your donation having no (or a low) administrative fee. The charity does have the ability to waive this fee, and they're more likely to do it for human welfare purposes. Of course, keep in mind that a small fee could be appropriate depending how much you're asking them to do to help administer it, but they should be up front with you about how much it is.

2. Insist on a full accounting every quarter or year. Tell them you'll want to see every transaction that your funds were used for along with backup.

3. Lay out very specific guidelines as to what type of individual you would like to provide help to, and tell them that you would like to participate in the committee that chooses the candidate.

4. If you find a charity you really like, you'll be more successful with the above three items if you set up a trust fund where the earnings each year go to help people in need. This means the money you initially give will be invested in perpetuity according to your guidelines (I've even seen donors demand that their funds be invested separately from the rest of the charity's funds), and the money it earns is distributed according to your wishes.

I know, you said not to suggest an organized charity, I just thought I'd point out that if you're at all on the fence, there are ways to make sure they don't screw with you or your intentions. Generally, if you insist on full transparency, it's really hard for them to mis-spend your money. Almost no one insists on that though, in my experience.

Otherwise, I think what you're doing is very kind, and I hope you are successful in finding people who will accept your help!

[nadine_doa]

If you are not interested in intrusively sending something to their home, then why would you need anything more than their e-mail address? What else would you like to have to implement your non random act of kindness?

I don't need anything more than their email address. That's exactly what I said. It doesn't even have to be their primary email address, just one that PayPal recognizes. Complete and total anonymity.

I get that you're trying to "prove" that I'm actually some sort of evil scammer/spammer/whatever -- oooh, cue the scary music, no one can possibly ever do anything good on the Internet! So sorry to disappoint you.

But do enjoy the faux drama you've concocted. I'm out.

[DaveInPgh]

I don't need anything more than their email address. That's exactly what I said. It doesn't even have to be their primary email address, just one that PayPal recognizes. Complete and total anonymity.

I get that you're trying to "prove" that I'm actually some sort of evil scammer/spammer/whatever -- oooh, cue the scary music, no one can possibly ever do anything good on the Internet! So sorry to disappoint you.

But do enjoy the faux drama you've concocted. I'm out.

I am not trying to prove anything. I simply asked a question because the details were a bit confusing.

Also, the scenario I suggested wasn't viewed as intrusive to the person we recently sent a gift card to anonymously. Made her day when she received it and she posted a thank you online. Having contact with the person wasn't important to us because we didn't want her to feel embarrassed. We just wanted to help and with a few keystrokes I had what I needed to make it happen.

[Jluke]

Suggest you look at gofundme

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

If giving to people you meet on an online forum is what you want to do, but your offer is declined, then just forget about that particular chance to help, and watch for another chance. Patience and the ability to offer with tact and respect will be needed.

People who decline will have various reasons, which you cannot be entirely sure of, even when they offer some reasons. For example, someone might reply to you, "Thank you for your kind offer. You have a really good heart to have reached out to me like this, and the offer has made my day. But, for my own self respect, I'm just going to have to find a way to earn the money myself. I just couldn't live with myself if I cannot climb this mountain all by myself. I'm sure you understand. Again, I sincerely thank you for this offer, and you've given a lift to my day.".......

.....Yet the untold story could be totally unsaid, for example, something such as, "If my selfish, pig of a husband would not have spent everything we make and more on that stupid motorcycle, trailer, and truck to carry it to shows, then I would not be in this mess. I cannot keep bailing us out as a family by getting help somewhere else. He needs to grow up and consider that he is leaving us unable to pay the mortgage for the fifth month in a row. I just have to let us all financially crash and burn or he will never ever feel the effect of his absurd actions. He just has to hit bottom, and the whole family with him! I wish I could accept that money nadine_doa is offering, but it would only prolong our agony. But gosh, she is just the most amazing person! She hardly knows me, yet is willing to offer all this help. Incredible person!"

[sv2007]

What would you do if you were me?

I'd just donate it to something that benefits the local community or larger charities that I want to support. Let them handle is details.

[nadine_doa]

If giving to people you meet on an online forum is what you want to do, but your offer is declined, then just forget about that particular chance to help, and watch for another chance. Patience and the ability to offer with tact and respect will be needed.

People who decline will have various reasons, which you cannot be entirely sure of, even when they offer some reasons. For example, someone might reply to you, "Thank you for your kind offer. You have a really good heart to have reached out to me like this, and the offer has made my day. But, for my own self respect, I'm just going to have to find a way to earn the money myself. I just couldn't live with myself if I cannot climb this mountain all by myself. I'm sure you understand. Again, I sincerely thank you for this offer, and you've given a lift to my day.".......

.....Yet the untold story could be totally unsaid, for example, something such as, "If my selfish, pig of a husband would not have spent everything we make and more on that stupid motorcycle, trailer, and truck to carry it to shows, then I would not be in this mess. I cannot keep bailing us out as a family by getting help somewhere else. He needs to grow up and consider that he is leaving us unable to pay the mortgage for the fifth month in a row. I just have to let us all financially crash and burn or he will never ever feel the effect of his absurd actions. He just has to hit bottom, and the whole family with him! I wish I could accept that money nadine_doa is offering, but it would only prolong our agony. But gosh, she is just the most amazing person! She hardly knows me, yet is willing to offer all this help. Incredible person!"

I was with you until the accolades, which are not wanted. You were being satirical but I actually have a family member whose retired hub spends every penny that comes in. We may have an opportunity soon to help her shelter some money where he can't touch it. I hope we can.

I am far from being a saint and I didn't post this to have people tell me how nice I am. Like most philanthropy, the giving is predominantly selfish in nature. I don't care what you think of me, what I care about is what I think of me.

I've long thought that true philanthropy is anonymous in nature. Has to be, in fact, because when you tell people there's always the suspicion you're doing it to draw attention to yourself.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

I'm not giving you accolades, and I did not mean what I wrote as satire. I was merely trying to suggest one of some 10^6 different reasons someone might have for declining your offer. I didn't mean to write a cartoon scenario, but to suggest the sort of situation that really could be behind a declining of your offer.

Simple message: if you want to help people you come across on the internet, just keep tactfully making your offers. Try not to be bothered when someone turns you down. Just try again next time you think the time is right. I'd be surprised if eventually you don't find someone who will accept your help.