Another wedding savings question

**kork13** · 04-30-2016, 08:53 AM

I'm already saving for my first (infant) son, and I will do the same for any/all future kids.... With monthly contributions, it'll eventually get up to something like $20k by the time they grow up & move out. It'll be theirs to use appropriately -- pay for a wedding, home downpayment, avoid student loans, or whatever.

**creditcardfree** · 04-30-2016, 01:45 PM

I actually have never thought of saving for my children's wedding. I have been very focused on their college. I figure I get more of a return on my investment. I think we are at a point that we could help with a wedding with cash on hand. I don't think specifically saving for it is something we will do. I think if they want a wedding that costs more than we are willing to help with then they should help pay.

**Thrif-t** · 04-30-2016, 04:02 PM

Yes, I would do the same for both sexes. My DH's parents gave us nothing to help with our wedding, yet they footed the whole bill for DH's sister. To this day, I still have a chip on my shoulder about that; especially because my parents were not in a position to foot the bill for our wedding.

**disneysteve** · 04-30-2016, 06:08 PM

Originally posted by Joan.of.the.Arch View Post

I'd rather see couples have weddings more in line with their own ability to pay.

I think it really depends how you view weddings. In our family, weddings have always been large family celebrations where as much of the extended family as feasible gathers for the occasion. Obviously, that isn't something a young couple just starting out can fund. It has always been the bride's family that paid most of it. When DW and I got married, my parents did contribute but her parents paid the bulk of it.

We only have a daughter but if we had a son, we'd probably do something similar - offer to pay for a share of the wedding costs.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 04-30-2016, 07:45 PM

We're going to pay a share but suggest it be used for something else. Like Kork just an $x amount I'm not sure how much yet.

**BuckyBadger** · 05-02-2016, 07:59 AM

For my hypothetical children I'd do the same thing that my parents did for my brother and me. We both got a perfectly generous check. I think it was $12k. We could spend it all and add our own money on the top, or we could elope and spend none of it and keep it all for something else.

When my brother got married a second time my parents decided that they would help out with the wedding to a lesser extent, and when I was up in town for his wedding my dad cut me a check for $6k to square us up.

Seems totally reasonable to me.

**sv2007** · 05-02-2016, 12:42 PM

No, I wouldn't save $ just so the kids get a balanced payout.
A similar question, does the boy get extra money if the girl travels to gym competitions?
(Gymnastics can get expensive due to the travels and costumes).

Within a small family, I think "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs" works pretty well. (I don't think that works when you have more than a few close people... and the world's proven it.)

I try to raise my kids to not attach too much importance to money or be jealous of each other. However, I do balance the small things to instill the idea that I'm fair; like holiday gifts, treats are split fairly. But on large spendings, I just don't think balancing is practical or desired (or expected by the kids).

**sv2007** · 05-02-2016, 12:48 PM

Originally posted by kork13 View Post

I'm already saving for my first (infant) son, and I will do the same for any/all future kids.... With monthly contributions, it'll eventually get up to something like $20k by the time they grow up & move out. It'll be theirs to use appropriately -- pay for a wedding, home downpayment, avoid student loans, or whatever.

If you know you want to save for college, you can look into a 529 plan.

SEC.gov | Request Rate Threshold Exceeded

https://www.sec.gov/investor/pubs/intro529.htm

Don't think there's anything similar for wedding though. I guess the wedding industry lobby just isn't powerful enough : )

**FLA** · 05-02-2016, 01:24 PM

We paid for our own low-cost wedding then my parents surprised us with 2k towards the reception. I guess because I never assumed my parents would pay for a wedding after what they contributed towards college and spent raising me, I assume my kids will pay for their own weddings and I will chip in what I can, which with my current situation, won't be much. I will likely offer a small lump sum to each that they can do what they want with.

**kork13** · 05-02-2016, 05:04 PM

Originally posted by sv2007 View Post

If you know you want to save for college, you can look into a 529 plan.

SEC.gov | Request Rate Threshold Exceeded

https://www.sec.gov/investor/pubs/intro529.htm

Don't think there's anything similar for wedding though. I guess the wedding industry lobby just isn't powerful enough : )

That's also in the works, separately & in addition to these straight cash savings for future expenses. At least for now, my wife & I are earning far more than we could spend in good conscience, so we're very intentionally saving alot of money (100% of her gross income, ~45% of our combined income) through various means.

Of course these grand plans are contingent on us being able to continue this sort of aggressive savings as our income grows (we're in our late 20s, so future growth still anticipated), but as we're set up now, we still preserve the flexibility to change plans if needed. The biggest unknowns will be if/when my wife stops working full time, and how many kids we end up having (we haven't yet reached an agreement on that number).

We sort of view our aggressive savings as a means of securing flexibility for ourselves in the future... Back to the topic at hand, that's partly why we want to have unallocated cash set aside for each child, so that we can help them (within reason) in whatever way will be of most benefit to them.

**marvholly** · 05-03-2016, 12:12 AM

My DDs were married in 2004 & 2005. Around here (metro
Chicago) it seems both families contribute to the weddings. We set a specific dollar amount, the other parents pretty muh matched us and the couple picked up the rest.

We did NOT say the $ had to be spent on the wedding. It was theirs to use as they wanted.

**FrugalFish** · 05-03-2016, 07:19 AM

Originally posted by Thrif-t View Post

Yes, I would do the same for both sexes. My DH's parents gave us nothing to help with our wedding, yet they footed the whole bill for DH's sister. To this day, I still have a chip on my shoulder about that; especially because my parents were not in a position to foot the bill for our wedding.

I'm sorry and know how that sort of thing stays with you, even years later. Same sort of story here. My mother made a big to-do about not offering any help to Dh and myself when we got married (ended up having a Vegas wedding for cheap), but then 3 years later when my brother got married, she made a big deal about paying for half. Sticks in my craw too.

We are not saving for DD specifically, but I would like to help her out when/if that time comes. Since she's an only, it's not like we have to think about fairness with siblings. I definitely want my DD to feel like a bride though, and not just like she got married...

**dawnwes** · 05-03-2016, 08:47 AM

My friends have two daughters and a son. They paid $10K towards each wedding. We have 3 sons. I think that sounds reasonable.

Actually, we will be advocating for a super small ceremony and low cost so they can save the $$ towards a downpayment or something.

DH's cousin paid $80K for his daughter's wedding. She is happily married but now regrets not taking him up on a $20K wedding and a $60K downpayment for a house.

I personally think $20K is crazy, but I know things are more these days.

Our wedding cost $5K and it could have been cheaper, I paid $2K for the photographer, about $1.5K for the food, $500 for the venue and pastor, and the rest was flowers and extras.

**phantom** · 05-03-2016, 11:29 AM

My parents have two daughters. But, my sister and I are two very different people living two very different lives. Our needs are different, our desires are different, and our earning potential is different. Even when we were kids, my parents found it difficult to spend the same amount of money on us. So, they gave up on that a long time ago, and neither of us has ever cared much.

When I got married, my parents paid for the wedding ($6000 in 2009). They told me how much they could give me, and I kept the cost under that. It does not seem likely that my sister will ever get married, so it's unlikely that my parents will ever give her money for a wedding. But, my sister continues to live with my parents, and she'll probably get more of a financial advantage from that than I got from them paying for my wedding.

I don't know whether or not I'll have multiple kids, but if I do, gender won't factor into how much money I give them towards the wedding. In my mind, asking the bride's family to foot the bill, perpetuates the idea that a wedding is more for the bride than the groom, and I hate that idea. It's way too soon to say exactly how much I'll feel comfortable contributing, but it won't be more than we can save up between the time we hear about the engagement and the date of the wedding.

Another wedding savings question