Would you move?

[Nika]

It may be a crazy move...

We are expecting our second baby.
I am considering moving when the baby is somewhere between 1 and 2 week old. With the entire household. (our 5 year old and a new born). To Washington DC (Crystal City to be exact). for 6 month.

DH can get a short term assignment there for 6 months (can possibly be extended). Since I plan to take extended leave from work after having my baby, this is a chance for him to try this without us separating.

The problem is, he must leave less than 2 weeks after my due date (work budget issue).

This part is tough. Looking for a place, reserving it, and moving (probably unfurnished and look for necessities once we arrive). Is logistically challenging to say the least. But logistics is a bad reason not to do something.

A 2br apartment with utilities in Crystal City, VA is probably around $3,300. Our housing cost in NYC for 1.5br is the same. (we own, so we would have to pay for 2 apartments for the duration). He will be paid for being "on travel" about $5,000 a month extra (we won't go if it is less). So after paying for a second apartment, we'd be left with only about 1,700-2,000 extra per month. Of course, I won't be working (but I will be taking this time off even if staying in NYC), so in effect, this is extra income.

We would have to move our son 1-2 weeks into a school year. He will be in first grade. DH will be working a lot, but would have a short commute. I am tempted by an adventure. On the other hand, if we don't go, DH could take a month+ off and we can just stay in our apartment and not have any additional challenges.

Am I completely insane here? Would you do it?

[creditcardfree]

Congratulations on your new baby!! What is the plan after the six months?

[Nika]

Congratulations on your new baby!! What is the plan after the six months?

Thank you!

After 6 month we can either extend the assignment for a few more months (that part in uncertain) or go back to NYC.

I have not decided how long I want to be a stay at home mom. Perhaps 1-2 years. I also have a thought about moving some nice quiet place like Switzerland (DH could look for a job there, we would move, and I would look for a job later on). Switzerland is a more fun long term plan. But for that we have to look for something completely from scratch, and the DC thing is right there on the table if we want it.

[snafu]

Nika, I'm likely the wrong person to respond as I have a history of accepting employment challenges and thrive on change. I'd base the decision on a list of factors you haven't mentioned. Will you take maternity leave? [we pay into a compulsory insurance and get one year of benefits approx. 60% of gross + staff benefits]. We can usually negotiate a year's 'unpaid leave.' Will DC feel less sophisticated/enjoyable than NYC? Will new baby cause a temporary change of focus making that mute?
What extended family/friends support is available in NYC? Is there help in DC?
Do you anticipate returning to your job shortly after returning from DC to NYC?
Any possibility of renting NYC apartment short term to cover expenses including personal effects to storage during absence?
If DH loves this new assignment, how likely would you be willing to make it permanent, find new employment etc?
Personality of 5 y/o, can he handle change as a positive adventure?y, new city,
What bothers me most would be medical, new doctors, new baby, unfamiliar city and services. Would it be within the realm of possibility to transplant six weeks in advance of assignment?

just unedited thoughts...more questions

[Nika]

Nika, I'm likely the wrong person to respond as I have a history of accepting employment challenges and thrive on change. I'd base the decision on a list of factors you haven't mentioned. Will you take maternity leave? [we pay into a compulsory insurance and get one year of benefits approx. 60% of gross + staff benefits]. We can usually negotiate a year's 'unpaid leave.' Will DC feel less sophisticated/enjoyable than NYC? Will new baby cause a temporary change of focus making that mute?
What extended family/friends support is available in NYC? Is there help in DC?
Do you anticipate returning to your job shortly after returning from DC to NYC?
Any possibility of renting NYC apartment short term to cover expenses including personal effects to storage during absence?
If DH loves this new assignment, how likely would you be willing to make it permanent, find new employment etc?
Personality of 5 y/o, can he handle change as a positive adventure?y, new city,
What bothers me most would be medical, new doctors, new baby, unfamiliar city and services. Would it be within the realm of possibility to transplant six weeks in advance of assignment?

just unedited thoughts...more questions

I do not want to move to DC permanently. But temporarily it sounds like an adventure. 5 year old has been and on like 9 weeks of vacation this year in different places and adjusts very happily. I can find a new pediatrician and navigate a a subway.

I don't want to go before the assignment. I will be delivering in the best childrens hospital in nyc and my ob is a very experienced Maternal fetal medicine specialist and is the chief of prenatal pediatrics there and she is a perfect dr for me. I want to deliver here. I can leave as late as I want, except I don't want to be with a newborn and a 5 year old by myself without DH. I don't think I can handle it.

[creditcardfree]

It sounds like it would be okay to move financially since you are receiving extra funds above your normal income.

I've always stayed behind when my husband has had those kind of work options...some I couldn't have gone if I wanted too. I stayed behind to keep our daughter's in school. Our daughter, now 15, told me that she doesn't remember our first move when she was in first grade being quite as traumatic as the last two. I think children that age are more go with the flow mindset for the most part. And easier to make friends.

I think you really want to do it so you won't feel so alone. I think since you can afford it you should do it. Separation is hard, and so is having your second child without any support around.

[snafu]

Sorry, still more questions..will the DC experience be beneficial to DH's career? Asking because my DH has been seconded to other organizations and those experiences and contacts inexplicitly led to a totally different career path.

If I understand correctly, the barrier seems to be a yet undetermined period of time two weeks postpartum until you feel strong enough to close the apartment and travel with a 5 y/o and newborn? Presuming mid September, would it be feasible for DH to take 2 days off/unpaid leave to facilitate or would a friend or relative be available to help with getting you to the airport where arrangements can be made for staff to transition you and the children on board and attendant to deliver you and DKs to DH waiting with greeters? [are you a baby sling/ K'ton user]

I've done a lot of this with two teenagers who can be unbelievably unco operative and troublesome in unfamiliar circumstances in a foreign country with giant language barriers. They do wretched things like wander out of the airport security zone during airline transfers without correct ID or passes to send their mom into panic mode.

[FLA]

my only concern would be are you physically up to moving 2 weeks after giving birth, you probably shouldn't be lifting and bending to unpack stuff yet

[ua_guy]

Congratulations to you and your family, Nika.

I've witnessed my sister's struggles with stressful life situations while going through gestation and childbirth, and the months thereafter. That seems like a pretty awful time to move and choose to transition a lifestyle and career.

I'm of the mindset that you owe undivided attention and priority to you and your child during that time, and I think staying put would be a much more relaxing (and enjoyable) experience as you welcome and care for the newest member of your family.

[FLA]

I have no idea what this costs, but when a wealthy friend of mine moved, she had special movers that did all the packing and then all the unpacking under her direction. She has lots of valuable breakables, no issues. She was 9 mos pregnant with a toddler and didn't lift a finger. Maybe if you can afford something like this, it would be doable. I just have my nurse hat on and cannot see someone 2 weeks postpartum doing all this.

[QuarterMillionMan]

ua guy, I couldn't have said it better myself. I would not take the chance. Murphy's law could apply at any time.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Congratulations! Did you plan the kids so far apart? How exciting!

Move. What's the big deal? If it were your first maybe but you know it's easier with the second. Plus your older one is old enough to go with the flow. Maybe it might be worth securing a place 1 month before you move and registering your son in school based on lease agreement. Then it'll be a fast smooth transition into the school when you move.

I've 3 friends who have all moved cross country with newborns and older kids. 1 moved from Portland to NYC with 4, 2, and 1 week old. She delivered and hopped on a plane to join her husband. 2nd friend from Silicon valley to NYC with 2 year old and newborn. 3rd friend had husband drop two older kids in chicago then fly back and they flew with new baby CA to DC. And another friend flew at 32 weeks and delivered in DC. My cousin flew at 32 weeks from Portland and moved everything back to hawaii.

I think you do what feels right. But it is easier to get up and go after your first. First time around you are scared and nervous. Second time you are ready to start rolling. After all you'll be out of bed by a month and chasing a 6 year old anyway. Most people I know with more than 1 and no paternity start rolling after older kids asap.

[scfr]

Congratulations on the upcoming 2nd baby - very happy news indeed!

Would someone be coming up to NY to cover your husband's current position? Any chance of doing a house swap?

[Nika]

SCFR, no chance of house swap.

LivingLarge, we planned the baby. The difference in age is not that purposeful, I just did not dare for a long time, and also prepared positions at work for extended leave I wanted to take.

FLA, we don't plan to hire movers - we are not moving entire household, only stuff we will need in the next 6 months. It is different.

UA guy, as far as it is being a bad time for moves or career change - I don't have any other time. When I'm not having a baby such move would require permanent loss of my job, which is pretty close to half of our family income.

Snafu, it would only be beneficial to DH's career if he wanted a permanent job in DC. Which we don't want. And if wanted, could easily get. Yes, DH can take sick leave but it will cost money each day.
We don't have any friends or family in DC, but NYC is not that far away, we can have occasional visits from our moms. and visit them once a month (amtrak is easier with children than a 4 hour drive or flying). I would not go before the assignment - I don't want to use DH's vacation time for that and our own money to rent the DC apartment.

Little one adjusts to new places easily. (In terms of different locations and sleeping arrangements). With school may be more difficult.

Upon returning to NYC I believe I can stay home for a while more.

I think I can probably figure out insurance issues and either find drs. that take my insurance or secure appropriate coverage for the time being.

[rennigade]

A 2br apartment with utilities in Crystal City, VA is probably around $3,300.

You're not looking too hard if you think prices in crystal city for a 2br are going to run $3,300. We just had a friend move to bethesda(which is more upscale than crystal city.) They found a really nice 3 bedroom for less than $2700.

My god you can go to the heart of Arlington, VA (2 or 3 stops on the metro from crystal city) which is exploding at the moment in real estate and find a 2br for $2500.