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So...quick update so I don't leave anyone holding their breath (not that you would) --but all too often I see threads like this on the internet where someone flies off the proverbial handle like I did, and then an update is never posted, leaving the reader wondering, "and then...?"
Two days before my separation the director of our division came to me and asked if i wanted to take a temporary role in the company. He didn't want me to leave, and with me staring over the edge of being without income, I decided it was probably in my best interests to take the job. I mean...6 months is nothing, and the job would be far away from my current department, with a different boss, who I liked. So I said yes. That whole thing I said about fear--well, it's a learning curve.
I had a wonderful week off in-between gigs and worked with my hands, went for walks, cooked some awesome food. A real "staycation" if you will..
Three weeks into this gig, and I hate it. Different (nicer) people, but same hot, nasty office, staring at a computer listlessly, and way too much ambiguity in the work. I still don't understand my role or where I'm needed. That feeling of "I'd rather be dead than continue to do this for the next 'x' years" has returned twice as strong. But I've also realized incremental change is better than explosive change, unless I have a clear direction, and I don't. Not yet anyway.
I've over-thought career choices and searched job boards so hard, and it's netted me nothing. It all sounds the same--underpaid, nebulous office work in cubicle farms, or highly technical rocket-science positions that are 40,60,80+ hours/week and I'm under-qualified anyway. Nothing there inspires passion.
In another thread, I described I have an interest in dentistry, and/or thought I was probably cut out to be in a medical field, but that the ship has probably already sailed for me, staring at 8+ years in medical school and $200k in debt.
This crazy idea hit me yesterday afternoon at 4:00. I stumbled on this idea of being a male dental hygienist--a career I never thought about seriously, even looked down upon, but, can still get into in my early 30's for 21 months of my time and $60k. The last day has been spent researching local colleges and listening to podcasts from passionate male hygienists about the uniqueness of their position in the industry. No, it's not dental school and I won't be a dentist, but I've been oddly inspired, and more than inspiration, I have a vision about it..I can see myself doing the work, and I instantly had this idea of working for underserved GLBT communities. It has meaning to me. Why now? Why yesterday when the idea hit me like a ton of bricks randomly at 4pm? I don't know--but I'm also smart enough to know to heed those kinds of things with caution. They could have serious meaning, or it might just be indigestion. Now the idea needs to simmer.
I don't know what it means, but, I'm faking having a doctor appointment tomorrow morning so I can escape work and go sit down with an admissions/recruiter for a local medical institute to gather info. The cost is a no-brainer.
Nothing may come of it, and I might dismiss the idea or talk myself out of it, but if I've learned anything about myself over the years, it's that my own questions and feelings are worth asking and exploring, and I've fallen victim too many times of discounting my ideas and feelings based on what other people think and expect of me.
I'll post an update if anything comes of it. Tomorrow should be interesting, if anything.
Two days before my separation the director of our division came to me and asked if i wanted to take a temporary role in the company. He didn't want me to leave, and with me staring over the edge of being without income, I decided it was probably in my best interests to take the job. I mean...6 months is nothing, and the job would be far away from my current department, with a different boss, who I liked. So I said yes. That whole thing I said about fear--well, it's a learning curve.
I had a wonderful week off in-between gigs and worked with my hands, went for walks, cooked some awesome food. A real "staycation" if you will..
Three weeks into this gig, and I hate it. Different (nicer) people, but same hot, nasty office, staring at a computer listlessly, and way too much ambiguity in the work. I still don't understand my role or where I'm needed. That feeling of "I'd rather be dead than continue to do this for the next 'x' years" has returned twice as strong. But I've also realized incremental change is better than explosive change, unless I have a clear direction, and I don't. Not yet anyway.
I've over-thought career choices and searched job boards so hard, and it's netted me nothing. It all sounds the same--underpaid, nebulous office work in cubicle farms, or highly technical rocket-science positions that are 40,60,80+ hours/week and I'm under-qualified anyway. Nothing there inspires passion.
In another thread, I described I have an interest in dentistry, and/or thought I was probably cut out to be in a medical field, but that the ship has probably already sailed for me, staring at 8+ years in medical school and $200k in debt.
This crazy idea hit me yesterday afternoon at 4:00. I stumbled on this idea of being a male dental hygienist--a career I never thought about seriously, even looked down upon, but, can still get into in my early 30's for 21 months of my time and $60k. The last day has been spent researching local colleges and listening to podcasts from passionate male hygienists about the uniqueness of their position in the industry. No, it's not dental school and I won't be a dentist, but I've been oddly inspired, and more than inspiration, I have a vision about it..I can see myself doing the work, and I instantly had this idea of working for underserved GLBT communities. It has meaning to me. Why now? Why yesterday when the idea hit me like a ton of bricks randomly at 4pm? I don't know--but I'm also smart enough to know to heed those kinds of things with caution. They could have serious meaning, or it might just be indigestion. Now the idea needs to simmer.
I don't know what it means, but, I'm faking having a doctor appointment tomorrow morning so I can escape work and go sit down with an admissions/recruiter for a local medical institute to gather info. The cost is a no-brainer.
Nothing may come of it, and I might dismiss the idea or talk myself out of it, but if I've learned anything about myself over the years, it's that my own questions and feelings are worth asking and exploring, and I've fallen victim too many times of discounting my ideas and feelings based on what other people think and expect of me.
I'll post an update if anything comes of it. Tomorrow should be interesting, if anything.
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