Is there an optimal time to get married?

**ua_guy** · 07-29-2015, 06:55 AM

For tax purposes, you are able to file jointly or married, filing separately, for the whole tax year regardless of your wedding date. So there's that. If you're going to see a marriage penalty because of your new filing status, or a marriage bonus, from a strictly financial perspective, it would be wise to maximize your returns.

**phantom** · 07-29-2015, 07:51 AM

I think it has more to do with when you find the right person and are fairly certain that you found the right person than anything.

I think it would be silly to not marry someone for lack of finances. If you skip the fancy party, getting married is not expensive at all. You can always renew your vows and have a party or go on a honeymoon after you can afford it. Similarly, do you need to buy a house right when you get married. There's nothing wrong with a married couple renting together until they can afford to buy a house together.

In order to figure out when to get married, you need to decide why you want to get married. If you want to start building a life with someone, sharing assets (like shared money or a house) and sharing goals (like child rearing), I think it makes sense to get the legal recognition of marriage. If you don't want to start building a life with some sort of spiritual commitment, I think it makes sense to have a religious marriage ceremony.

When I got married, my husband was in his early 30s and I was in my late 20s. We only dated for a year and a half before getting married, so we couldn't have gotten married to each other much sooner, and I never find myself wishing we'd waited longer. I wouldn't have minded getting married a little sooner, but until I met my husband, I didn't know anyone I wanted to marry.

**disneysteve** · 07-29-2015, 08:10 AM

Originally posted by ExcuseMyIgnorance View Post

Everyone says, "There's no perfect time." That may be true but I'm sure there are better times than others.

Originally posted by phantom View Post

I think it has more to do with when you find the right person and are fairly certain that you found the right person than anything.

"Everyone" is right. There is no perfect time. It boils down to what phantom said. You get married when you find the person that you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with. That's it. There's not really any more to it than that. It might happen when you're 18. It might happen when you're 42. It might never happen.

**97guns** · 07-29-2015, 08:24 AM

both of my brothers got married at young ages and both got divorced, it scared me from marriage. now im in my 40's and have financial security and a fiance, i hope it works

**disneysteve** · 07-29-2015, 08:29 AM

Originally posted by 97guns View Post

both of my brothers got married at young ages and both got divorced, it scared me from marriage. now im in my 40's and have financial security and a fiance, i hope it works

People don't get divorced because they're too young or too old or too poor or too rich. They get divorced because they choose the wrong partner - or they are the wrong partner.

**97guns** · 07-29-2015, 08:38 AM

i know divorce so well i could be a counselor, its been all around me my entire life.

you may be totally in love with a person and money can strain the strongest of love

are you in love and is it real, you never really know but you accept and give it back until it stops

my uncle just got divorced 4 months ago, he is 86

**disneysteve** · 07-29-2015, 08:52 AM

Originally posted by 97guns View Post

my uncle just got divorced 4 months ago, he is 86

I never understand those cases. How can you spend your entire life together - 30, 40, 50 years or more - and suddenly decide you don't want to be with that person anymore, and at a time of your life when you probably need a life companion more than ever.

**97guns** · 07-29-2015, 09:02 AM

it was his 3rd marriage but none the less... when you enter a marriage the mindset of both individuals is that it is forever but things can get strained and most often times money is the crux of it

**Fishindude77** · 07-29-2015, 09:20 AM

Your vows ... "In sickness and in health, till death do us part" are pretty serious words that should be taken seriously by both parties. You are standing up there in front of friends and family saying those things, giving your promise, your word. If you can't live by those words, don't do it.

**97guns** · 07-29-2015, 09:53 AM

You get no argument from me, I believe it is the intent of every couple that enters into a marriage contract

**phantom** · 07-29-2015, 10:28 AM

Originally posted by 97guns View Post

you may be totally in love with a person and money can strain the strongest of love

While love is important in a marriage, I don't think it's nearly as important as a willingness to figure out how to work together and a commitment to actually doing it. I don't care how much in love two people are, if they aren't ready to commit to working together, I think getting married is a big risk. Sure money woes can strain any relationship, but two people who recognize they have a challenge in front of them and are committed to working together should be better handling whatever strains life throws at them than they'd be apart.

I'm not sure if money is really the root of as many marriage problems as it seems to be though. When people fight about money, I think they're usually actually fighting about priorities. Is it a bigger priority to spend money on this or that? Is it worth sacrificing time or dealing with stress to have more money for this other goal? How much should we prepare for an uncertain future at the cost of enjoying the present? If only individual's priorities didn't change over time, marriages would be so much easier to keep going.

**FLA** · 07-29-2015, 01:33 PM

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

I never understand those cases. How can you spend your entire life together - 30, 40, 50 years or more - and suddenly decide you don't want to be with that person anymore, and at a time of your life when you probably need a life companion more than ever.

I had a couple of cases like this. One couple in their late 80's, he decides to bail, she's freaking on hospice, he couldn't give it a few more months??? Cruel. The norm back then seems to be the men managed the real money, the women handled the day to day money. So she had no clue what their assets were and neither did her kids, had to get a lawyer. Somehow he is allowed to sell the house, she has absolutely nowhere to go (her lawyer had to have sucked, what judge in the land would allow this to occur?), takes a bed in the county nursing home, dies a month later, heartbroken. Kids, grandkids all hate him, he is booted from the family. I always wanted to see him again and ask him was it worth it?

**disneysteve** · 07-29-2015, 03:49 PM

Originally posted by phantom View Post

I'm not sure if money is really the root of as many marriage problems as it seems to be though. When people fight about money, I think they're usually actually fighting about priorities.

Absolutely. Fights about money are never really about money. The money problem is just a symptom of a relationship problem. It might be about priorities. It might be about control. It might be about communication. It might be about trust. It is likely some combination of all of those and more.

**FLA** · 07-29-2015, 04:49 PM

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

Absolutely. Fights about money are never really about money. The money problem is just a symptom of a relationship problem. It might be about priorities. It might be about control. It might be about communication. It might be about trust. It is likely some combination of all of those and more.

exactly this

as to the OP, 24 is too young, my plan was around 30, but in the end, despite a failed marriage, having had kids much, much earlier than I had "planned" worked out perfectly. Actually, I shouldn't say 24 is too young. Age matters not, being an eyes wide open person even while falling in love, I think that's the trick. If you have the teeniest wiggly feeling that something is off, figure that out together before pulling the trigger. Best of luck to you

Is there an optimal time to get married?