Is a prenuptial agreement necessary?

[disneysteve]

OP - if you were somehow forced to forfeit your $75K in order to marry, would you still do it? If the answer is no, then you have the wrong partner.

If the answer is yes, forget about the prenup and congrats!

Great answer.

[richard johnson]

A pre-nup is a must in my opinion. Every couple should think this through in love and respect before marriage. The pre-nup would allow you to decide what your values and believes are rather than being at the whim of whatever the law when and where you live at the time your marriage gets in trouble.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Agree with feh 100%!!!! $75k isn't enough for a prenup unless you are getting divorced in a year. Otherwise anything after marriage anyway should be split. And if you don't believe that then you shouldn't marry whoever you are with.

[fineprint]

What has developed your level of concern? What is your earning capacity? What do you anticipate GF's contribution to financial health as a couple? Do you expect GF to have debt coming into marriage? How should that be handled?

I started to think about this because I have $75,000 saved in my fiancée has about $50,000 in credit card and student loan debt. One night when we were talking about money, she made a joke about how it would be so nice to have that $50,000 in debt completely wiped out. Even though I know it was a joke, there was a tinge of truth to it. I'm not sure exactly how to explain it, but there was something inside that made me start to think a lot harder after hearing her make that joke. I don't think I'm explaining this very well, but I don't want her to think that this marriage is an easy way for her to erase all her debt. That's when I started to think about the prenuptial agreement.

[Bob B.]

With or without the prenup, her debt becomes your debt once you say I do.

[JulieAlbright]

I'm with the guy who says it just isn't worthwhile for $75K

I have a client with a Prenup - actually a couple of generations of the family are clients of our office.

They have a family farm that has been in existence since the late 1800's. Most of the valuable assets are now moved into various trusts or business organization, but the Pre-Nups that are in existence were drafted to make sure the family estate doesn't somehow go to the adult children of the 2nd or 3rd wife's/husband's grown children should the death order work out that way. Basically wives and husbands get lifetime use of assets and a lifetime share of the farm income, and then ownership passes down the family tree to children of the family or other related family members.

That's the kind of thing where Pre-Nups are best used.

The debt is a little tricky. Basically you are saying that you want to make sure your future wife is responsible for the debt she brings to the marriage, even in divorce. I really have no judgement on that. But I will say that if you think you can't trust her to pay that existing debt, then you are really heading into some big trust issues that you might want to think about before the wedding - and a PreNuptial agreement isn't going to help because in most marriages there are numerous situations to accumulate debt and waste money. She could just as easily open up a new credit card and accumulate $50k in debt AFTER the wedding.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Okay so she said it would be nice to be debt free. Great. So is she paying down the debt? $50k in debt is nothing, not if the person I'm with is working on paying it off. Debt isn't the problem, it's how it's handled.

Money management is more important. People make mistakes but do you learn from them.

[snafu]

I guess I understand the SL debt as so many young people jumped in with no understanding the long term consequences. In your conversations about money management, what plan has GF outlined to clear CC debt? What interest rate[s]?

I'm sure you know that money is the #1 topic couples fight about.

[fineprint]

I guess the reason that her comment affected me so much was because she doesn't have a plan to pay down her debt. I think that if we sat down and came up with a plan together I would feel much more comfortable, but her joking comment was that all the money I had saved is what's going to wipe out all her debt.

Again, I don't know how to really explain it, but I just got a feeling the way she said it that made me stop and think. I'm usually pretty good with my intuition, and I just got a bad feeling the way she expressed that joke.

I think that we really need to sit down and have a long talk about this because the more I think about it, the more I concede that this will be a continuing problem between us if we can't come to a resolution that is satisfactory to both of us.

[Singuy]

I guess the reason that her comment affected me so much was because she doesn't have a plan to pay down her debt. I think that if we sat down and came up with a plan together I would feel much more comfortable, but her joking comment was that all the money I had saved is what's going to wipe out all her debt.

Again, I don't know how to really explain it, but I just got a feeling the way she said it that made me stop and think. I'm usually pretty good with my intuition, and I just got a bad feeling the way she expressed that joke.

I think that we really need to sit down and have a long talk about this because the more I think about it, the more I concede that this will be a continuing problem between us if we can't come to a resolution that is satisfactory to both of us.

Action speaks more than words.

Before marrying my wife..she had -170k student loan debt, and I have +400k assets(paid off house, retirement, etc). My parents did talk to me about getting a prenup because it's almost a 600k swing..but my wife's actions spoke more than words. She was frugal and tried to pay off bi-annually whatever she had left over from what she borrowed..she didn't spend money on anything because her debt was always on her mind, and she was extremely receptive when I layed out a way to pay off her student loans. 2 years later, she wiped out her debt with all the money she earned.

Like what the other poster said, it's not about the debt, but how it's managed. It's DEFINITELY a RED FLAG if you have the feeling that she just wants the easy way out. It's a character flaw that is a much bigger financial liability than her 50k worth of debt.

[sblatner]

I believe if you keep the funds in a separate account and never co-mingle them, they are yours and she doesn't have access to them. If you were to buy a house with the $75k and put both your names on the title, then half is hers. This might depend on which state you live in though. Might be worth researching.

[LittleMissSplendid]

I guess the reason that her comment affected me so much was because she doesn't have a plan to pay down her debt. I think that if we sat down and came up with a plan together I would feel much more comfortable, but her joking comment was that all the money I had saved is what's going to wipe out all her debt.

Again, I don't know how to really explain it, but I just got a feeling the way she said it that made me stop and think. I'm usually pretty good with my intuition, and I just got a bad feeling the way she expressed that joke.

I think that we really need to sit down and have a long talk about this because the more I think about it, the more I concede that this will be a continuing problem between us if we can't come to a resolution that is satisfactory to both of us.

I agree that you 2 need to have a long talk before walking down the aisle. Perhaps even talk with a neutral party such as a religious official or premarital counselor or financial advisor if that works for both of you. You don't need to just come up with a plan for how to pay off her debt you need to also discuss how she acquired this debt. Are those credit card charges actual emergencies or a new wardrobe? Big difference there and the answer will tell you the likelihood of her (or rather the 2 of you once married) ending up in this situation again. Also does she earn a decent income or have the potential to earn more? Does she have any savings or is she willing to work with you to establish some?

I think you are right to be bothered by her joke and want to address this now because doing so will help you both decide the best course of action. Maybe that is an aggressive financial plan, maybe a prenup, maybe postponing the wedding.... only you 2 can decide that.

[DoreneHanson]

Pre-nup makes marriage more of a mechanical thing, it is better to do without the pre-nup, as it shows that you are willing to make this marriage work.

[Fishindude77]

If you don't have 100% trust, don't marry them.

I know divorce seems to be the norm any more, but from what I recall, we stood up there at the alter in front of all of our family and friends and promised "till death do us part". That's your word and your promise, and you ought to take it serious or stay single.

[97guns]

i got married a few weeks back and had a prenup drawn up, i entered the marriage and im sure my wife is entering the marriage with the thought that it will be "forever" and im sure 99% of couples enter a marriage with the same thought and intent but unforseeable things happen. although i love this woman and trust her with my life at this time, i worked too hard to get to where i am and to get knocked down from this perch im sitting on it aint gonna happen