Family financial differences

[Drake3287]

Wondering if anyone else has had this problem or concern with other family members. I'm from a big family and all us siblings are in our 50's now, and out of all of us, I'm the only one that seems to have any money or lack of any money problems. I'm certainly not rich, just middle to upper middle class but the rest of the family lives pay check to pay check with low paying jobs.

None of us ever went to a 4 year college because of family finances but I was lucky enough to get a higher paying job and haven't had the same financial problems as the rest. I'm lucky enough to have the nice house, cars, vacations, etc.... but find it difficult sometimes to be around the rest of the other family members when talking about money matters or family vacations.

No one treats us differently (at least in front of us) but I know there's a certain amount of resentment. As we get older and they have little or no retirement, I know things will only get more difficult between us.

Has anyone else had to deal with this type of family problem? How do we stay close without causing friction. We have never acted differently towards them or even talked about our financial situation.

[albertofair34]

I suggest that the purpose of financial capital is to enhance the other three dimensions of true family wealth. The real wealth of your family is not financial. Financial wealth is simply a tool to enhance the growth of every family member, no matter what life journey they are on.

[jIM_Ohio]

Just because the family is big, does mean you are obligated to follow the same path or do things together like vacations. I want to get away on a vacation and not get held back. If me spending money on a jet ski, for example, is flashing money that others don't have, then those people are not invited on that vacation.

If someone else planned the vacation, I would either do my own excursion for the day to rent the jet ski (or do the other expensive activities you enjoy) or take control and plan the vacation myself.

As far as retirement savings, realize savings is a choice, and you don't need to force your choices on other people, the same way they don't force your choices on you.

If they do force choices on you, I would not spend much time with them.

[Drake3287]

jIM, I certainly agree with you, it's just awkward at times when we live a pretty nice comfortable life and the others have chosen to live the way they do. I hope to stay close to my siblings but I can see how different financial situations can cause resentment whether on pospose or not.

Driving up to a family function in a new car doesn't go over very well, and that's my next concern coming up. I certainly don't flash money around and I'd make a great poor person but I don't feel like I need to lead a secret life either.

[corn18]

Lead by example. They will either follow you or not. I have found similar issues within my family with respect to fitness. I changed my lifestyle a lot in 2012 and lost weight, quit smoking and started competitive powerlifting and running. Two years of very hard work and sacrifice and I am in great shape. I never once preached to anyone else in the family about how they were fat, smoking slobs. But I got some ribbing about how I was trying to make them look bad and how I must think I am better than they are. I just smiled and continued on the path. Some of them started asking questions about what I was doing and how I was doing it. Some of them changed their lifestyle, too. Some are still bitching about me. I am not responsible for their lives. I can only do the best I can with what I've been given.