We made a terrible mistake - now what?

[HappySaver]

My husband recently left his stable job that he very much enjoyed. He was not looking, but he was recruited by another company. The new job promised a promotion, a raise, and interesting new responsibilities, and while he enjoyed his job he was frustrated at the lack of promotion options, so he made the switch.

It's been clear, unfortunately since the first week, that he made huge mistake. He does not like the culture of the new company, the people are unfriendly and unhelpful, and it turns out he's not able to do what he thought he was going to do. He's miserable and working 15+ days. He's not sleeping and having stomach issues from the stress. It's been less than six months since he started the new job.

We're not sure what to do. He originally wanted to stick it out for at least one year, but it's looking increasingly difficult. He's so busy it's hard to see how he would find the time to job search without first quitting. It would be very difficult to find something quickly at his current level. He feels trapped. He earns much more than I do and we survive mainly on his salary.

We currently have enough savings where we could live for 9 months, assuming no income for either one of us. We're now digging in our heels and trying to increase that amount. Factoring in my salary (my job is stable) we have about 10 months of savings to cover the difference between my earnings and our total expenses, and that leaves $20,000 left over in our bare-bones EF account.

He's filled with regret about leaving his old job, but I know this isn't healthy or helpful in terms of moving forward. Going back to his old company is not an option for a variety of reasons, even though he did leave on good terms. I think he needs to start looking for a new job before the year is up - his health is too important.

Just looking for some support, and kind words.

[humandraydel]

I wouldn't quit since it is MUCH easier to find a job when you are currently employed. I would stop working so many hours - no need to kill yourself if you aren't trying to get a promotion. Then make it a priority to find a new job.

[bjl584]

He was recruited by this company and was promised several things, but none of them came to fruition. I'd be having a talk with my supervisor and with HR and ask what is going on.

As far as leaving; if it looks like nothing is going to get better, then absolutely start looking. He can always use a vacation day here and there to prepare his resume and go on interviews. Just don't make the mistake of quitting before he has a new job.

[Eagle]

Just looking for some support, and kind words.

Sorry this happened HappySaver. Hang in there you guys will get through this.

I agree it's a lot easier to get a job when you have a job. Perhaps you could help him with filling out applications?

Why is he not able to get his old job back? Has he contacted his former manager or HR?

[TBH]

Oh, no, what a pickle!

I have been in the position of hating my job and having it adversely effect my health. I think you might find yourself in a position where he HAS to quit before he has another job. It's a terrible idea financially, but money isn't everything.

Here's what I'd do to try to keep this mistake from screwing up your finances:

1. Save as much as possible to buy you more time if he needs to be unemployed. Sounds like you're already doing that.

2. Work on increasing your income. Do you work part time? Can you add hours, or find a second part time job? If you can earn a little more, your savings will stretch farther.

3. Start looking for a job. If he really can't do it, can you look at job listings, and at least identify jobs he might apply for?

4. I agree he needs to talk to HR at his new company. If he was misled about the job, that's not fair. And he should also tell them he's killing himself working 15 hour days. They need to address that.

Good luck. I really hope you find a good solution.

[moneysma]

I would start looking for another job ASAP and make sure you do your homework on the company to be sure it is a place you want to actually work for. I wouldn't quit and then look; as others have said, it is easier to find a new job when you are already employed.

If it is any comfort, I know of others in your husbands shoes. My last firm was "cherry picked" by another firm. They offered double the salary and made all of these promises. Many that left came back within a few short months (I know this isn't an option for your husband) while others found another employer altogether. The moral is, if it sounds too good to be true, it most likely is.

Good luck in finding a better position. Health is definitely a reason to find another job.

[ua_guy]

Life is too short! I'm sorry to hear your husband is having a hard time with his job. It doesn't sound like the right fit, and I know all too well how misery at a job can spill over and stain other areas of life. Nobody enjoys it.

I think your husband has some hard choices to make-- try to re-engage and change how his work is structured, or change what he's doing entirely.

At the very least, he needs to find a way to relax. Being sick and miserable at home because of work stress is a waste of life. In the interim, it may be necessary to take some paid time off and change a few routines, intentionally set aside time for activities and hobbies he enjoys. I know that always helps me, although it's not easy to do. It's much easier when there is encouragement from a partner or a good friend.

It's easier to find a job when you've already got one. Sometimes executing a job search can be empowering and help lift the existing work-misery just knowing something better will eventually come down the pike. I'd do that before I plain quit, and I think that's a better idea than exhausting one's savings given that he has the choice to continue working.

[edg126]

I was in a similar situation with my last job. I wasn't in a position to quit, so I had to stomach through it for a year and a half. I'll save the complainypants, but here's what got me through it.

1) show up at exactly 8:30, shut down my computer at 4:59 and walk out. During the winter I'd go to a dunkin donuts for an hour for 'me' time. Usually reading or doing a crossword puzzle. It helped me forget briefly how terrible it was. During the summer I'd go to a park and sit on a bench and eat my lunch. I'd also every 2 hours take a 10 minute walk around the building.

2) do the absolute bare minimum to get out the door. I knew I wasn't a lifer, so don't volunteer, suggest, go out of the way, pretend your more dumb than you are. As an example, I was a data analyst, and smarter than everyone else on the team, so I'd automate a bunch of manual stuff, not tell anyone, so they'd be working on something for 5 hours that took me 10 seconds to push a button. QA? HA, slap stuff together and get it out the door.

3) I had an office. I'd shut the door, rush to get my work done in 2 hours, then read books on my smart phone.


I'd tell employers on interviews straight out that this place isn't a fit for me and that's why I'm looking for something so quickly. They get it. It's always a gamble. I even gambled with the job I worked at now. My boss is in a different office across the state? My coworker is kinda weird? The interview is practically non-existent?

2 years later and it's the best job ever, my skill sets aligned perfectly with this job, which is why the interviews were so short, it was obvious I was a perfect fit. I work from home, so who cares about crass coworkers and boss's in different states. And I'm making 30K than the previous job.

[snafu]

The economy is getting stronger and there are more jobs. I'm confident DH will be able to find alternate employment quickly but like the chorus, said...employers prefer to hire candidates who are working. Can DH take sick days, holidays PTO to work on his resume, at the very least set himself up on LinkedIn, sign on with a recruiter, list the type of employment he seeks? Most importantly he must begin to list potential employers.

I'm wondering If the company in breech of their contract with DH. I doubt he signed on for 15 hr days. Has DH discussed his predicament with a lawyer who specializes in employment contract law?

[ua_guy]

I was in a similar situation with my last job. I wasn't in a position to quit, so I had to stomach through it for a year and a half. I'll save the complainypants, but here's what got me through it.

1) show up at exactly 8:30, shut down my computer at 4:59 and walk out. During the winter I'd go to a dunkin donuts for an hour for 'me' time. Usually reading or doing a crossword puzzle. It helped me forget briefly how terrible it was. During the summer I'd go to a park and sit on a bench and eat my lunch. I'd also every 2 hours take a 10 minute walk around the building.

2) do the absolute bare minimum to get out the door. I knew I wasn't a lifer, so don't volunteer, suggest, go out of the way, pretend your more dumb than you are. As an example, I was a data analyst, and smarter than everyone else on the team, so I'd automate a bunch of manual stuff, not tell anyone, so they'd be working on something for 5 hours that took me 10 seconds to push a button. QA? HA, slap stuff together and get it out the door.

3) I had an office. I'd shut the door, rush to get my work done in 2 hours, then read books on my smart phone.


I'd tell employers on interviews straight out that this place isn't a fit for me and that's why I'm looking for something so quickly. They get it. It's always a gamble. I even gambled with the job I worked at now. My boss is in a different office across the state? My coworker is kinda weird? The interview is practically non-existent?

2 years later and it's the best job ever, my skill sets aligned perfectly with this job, which is why the interviews were so short, it was obvious I was a perfect fit. I work from home, so who cares about crass coworkers and boss's in different states. And I'm making 30K than the previous job.

What you described is a well-executed "tread water" strategy. I find myself doing things like that often in roles I don't enjoy. Picking up efficiencies and pocketing the extra time/energy in a salaried role is a great way to stay on top of things but ease the burden of a miserable job -and still exceed expectations.

[johnzendrac16]

I would also find a better job immediately. I don't want to work for that kind of job anymore. It's better to find a job where you wouldn't feel that you are working. I mean you're happy with what you are doing that you cannot feel anymore that you are working.

[krantcents]

What is the possibility of returning to the old company? It may be humbling, but better than sticking it out in a bad situation.