Schools is the factor driving home prices into the stratosphere.

[Nika]

So I'm finally faced with dreaded school choices.

My son will be 4 by November, and could go to pre-K in New York. Unfortunately, he does not make the cut of date of being born before September 1 to qualify for pre-k where he normally goes, in NJ at my husband's job.

I applied for pre-K in NYC. My choices were few and far between and dismal. There was not even a "dream choice". I put in one choice, and if by some miracle I get in, I'm not even sure I will accept.

So I think what we will do is let him continue to go to pre-school at DH's job part time (he does not go when my DH is on business travel) and we study with him every day to make sure he knows the curriculum. I will try to get him into the "gifted and talented" NYC programme, where he would have a choice of schools, but that's a long shot. The competition and prep for these things are insane. There are parents who send their kids to specials programmes that cost thousands for the sole purpose of testing into a that programme.

Our choices are:

1) Pay 43-46K a year (even for pre-K) at one of 3 very good private schools near us. Not really an option.

2) Buy a cheapest apartment possible in a good Westchester school district for the address and drive him to school.

3) Move to Westchester, greatly increasing commute, distance from friends and family, and property taxes (1-2K a month). And these prices in districts are driven up like crazy by that one feature.

3) Buy a tiny studio on Upper West Side or Upper East Side and live there 4 days a week while my son is attending school. 1K+ a sq foot, plus maintenance charges. We will be strapped for cash like crazy, but at least at the end, the apartment will be an investment. (choices are limited, because many co-ops have very restrictive subletting policies).

4) We have good friends that live on UWS. "move in" with them for a while? Once you start a school year, I think they will let you finish it. Put their bills in our names and pay them? (Worth it). But if you own property 15 minutes away, it may be hard to convince school district that you are renting a room from someone else and are living there. Not to mention that these friends have a rent stabilized apartment...

5) Sell our apartment, all our investments, and buy a 1 bdr. in Manhattan?

Prices in Manhattan are going up like crazy. All the 1bdms I was looking at 3-4 years ago when we were deciding where to buy are now 200-300K more expensive.

This place is not so affected by economy because so many foreigners buy (like all the rich Chinese buy for their kids, and rich from pretty much every country think it is a good investment for their family... and they pay all cash. It is so widespread that realtors have toll free international numbers and currency calculators on listings. Plus, there was never any of those "no money down" nonsense in NYC. Most apartments are co-ops, and have strict requirements on income and 20% down and don't allow someone with not enough money to even buy, even if the banks are willing to lend. So no one was walking away in droves like in other areas of the country.

Anyway, I feel I have to do something, just not sure what it is.

[disneysteve]

I think what we will do is let him continue to go to pre-school at DH's job

Anyway, I feel I have to do something, just not sure what it is.

I don't understand why you need to change. All of the choices you gave are rather insane (yes, I know they are "normal" in that area but they're insane all the same). I can't imagine paying more for pre-K than we are about to pay for our daughter to attend a good private college.

What happens after next year? Where will he be going for school starting with kindergarten? Are you doing public school for that?

[hamchan]

This is one of the big reasons we have two adults and a teenager living in a 600 sq. ft 1 bedroom apartment. My building manager has a teenage son as well who sleeps in the dining room of their apartment. School quality varies enormously in the city.

[Petunia 100]

This is one of the big reasons we have two adults and a teenager living in a 600 sq. ft 1 bedroom apartment. My building manager has a teenage son as well who sleeps in the dining room of their apartment. School quality varies enormously in the city.

So your daughter is living with you now? That's wonderful! Is it going well so far?

[hamchan]

Petunia! Thank you for asking. She has about 3 more weeks of 8th grade in Alaska, and then she'll be spending part of the summer here and part in Alaska before school starts this fall. We were able to find a 1 bedroom with a large walk in closet just a mile away from where we used to live, and it's closer to DH's work and DD's new school. The rent is the same as we were paying previously, but it includes electric, which saves us 80-100 a month.

My dad is coming next week to help me build a loft in the closet for DD's bed. It's almost 4' wide and 19' long, and has a window inside which leads to the fire escape. There is also a separate door from the living room. Other than being long and skinny, it's pretty ideal for use as a small bedroom. We were very lucky to find it and DD is excited to finally have her own space.

[Nika]

I feel that under current arrangement he will be a year behind. A year behind in his school career, his earnings, etc. (I should have gotten pregnant according to a school year calendar).

But for now, we have little choice. He is not going to pre-K, as of 1 September (unless we manage to move AND get in after the application deadline, which is unlikely).

After next year he cannot continue at my DH's job - he travels for business, and when that happens now, our son misses many days of pre-school. I feel it is ok for preschool, but in another year he shouldn't miss days unless he is sick.

Disneysteve, while the choices may seem insane, when you look at the school that is rated 2 of 10 or 3 of 10, and read the reviews, and see kids that attend, and you know that there are these fabulous 10 out of 10 schools that other kids have the privilege of going, you want that for your sweet, kind, trusting little boy.

[AnotherReader]

Why not rent something small in Westchester or in a good school district near your husband's job in New Jersey? Generally, the rent vs buy calculation heavily favors renting (let your landlord pay for the school district in his property taxes) in that area. If things change and you want/need to move, you are not stuck with something you own.

Also, even if kids are intellectually advanced, there are good reasons for holding these kids back. Motor skills, attention spans, and social interaction skills are as important as intellectual development in the school environment. It's possible your child could have an unhappy experience with school if he's not up to the level of his classmates in those areas.

[hamchan]

I don't honestly know how much of a difference pre-school makes. DD only went to pre-school sporadically at ages 3 and 4, and has always gone to public schools. But they have always been GOOD public schools. She is starting high school next year having taken six years of a foreign language and she will be taking a higher level math class in 9th grade than I ever took during high school. If she continues to work hard and keep her grades up she will not be lacking in opportunities.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I agree renting seems to be the answer. Move and rent. Lots of people go to "average" schools and do well. Lots of people go to none private schools and do well.

It's all about checks and balances. Want to hear a story of a good friend? His parents immigrated and lived with 2 other families in a 3 bedroom house in Orinda. So a family of 5 (3 kids) lived in 1 bedroom so the kids could go to a top school district in the bay. Moral of the story? People sacrifice what's important. He married my friend whose an MD and she lived in a 3 bd house in Orange County with her family of 6 plus minimum 4 cousins at a time. She slept in her parents bedroom with her sister until age 15. Again immigrants.

Lots of people make sacrifices or they move.

PS I'm moving. I don't want to try to keep up with the Joneses, nor do I want a 1 hour commute ruling our lives. We are making money and saving it to move somewhere with good schools and a better quality of life away from the competitive lifestyle of the Bos-NY-DC corridor.

And my DH has realized the same thing

[snafu]

Nika, your son is a mere 4 y/o. Since boys mature more slowly than girls, I think it would be to his advance to start school slightly older than his classmates. You seem to be in an impossible location for families with young children. In some area families manage on $ 45K annual net income so it seems incredible to pay that sum for pre school level education.

While your condo met your needs in the past, it's problematic for preschool options. Is it in the realm of possibility to rent condo and rent in a work/school location for a break even housing solution? In other countries parents send their child to grandparents for the school term. Isn't that awful?

[Like2Plan]

I feel that under current arrangement he will be a year behind. A year behind in his school career, his earnings, etc. (I should have gotten pregnant according to a school year calendar).

I can't tell if you are being serious or not. You get to have another year with your little boy. Do you really want to start him on the rat race as soon as you possibly can?

...you know that there are these fabulous 10 out of 10 schools that other kids have the privilege of going, you want that for your sweet, kind, trusting little boy.

What happens to the children who don't go to the 10 out of 10 schools? Are they automatically written off?

[BuckyBadger]

Most parents scheme and finagle to "red shirt" their kids, so really your son will be ahead of the curve. Most people *want* their kinds to be older in their class because it's the older kids in the class who are usually more successful. This may be a blessing in disguise.

Also, I just don't think that in the early grades it makes so much difference where the kid goes to school. Sure - at the high school level you want access to more difficult subjects and AP classes, but in the years where kids are learning the basics I wouldn't worry about it nearly so much. You can spend a couple hours a day with your kid and teach him all the "learning" that he's getting. All the rest is socializing and maturing, and that's going to happen no matter where he is.

Most people can't spend that much on school for toddlers. They don't love their kids any less - they just might have to work harder outside of school hours.

And remember the wiggle room in your budget. If you cut back on food costs and eating out you'd save about $2k a year, and that brings you half the way to private school tuition. A lot of people have to cut back when they send their kids to college. You're sort of in the same situation due to your choice of living location.

Good luck. The biggest indicator of a successful kid is the success of the parents, so by having two smart and hard working parents you're already more than half way there with your little boy no matter WHERE he goes to school!

[feh]

Another option is to move to a location where you aren't faced with this dilemma.

I honestly cannot relate...I grew up in a state with very good public schools. Of course there are some areas where they aren't so good, but affordable alternatives are never far away.

[atomicrc11]

I'm several years out from making this type of decision, but I have some friends who have near school age or school age children. The city I live in has a school system right in the middle, it is ranked about 150 out of 320 school systems. There are schools that are rated between 2 and 5 on a five point scale according to some websites and after speaking with people sending their kids there they don't mean much.

One child of a friend attends a very highly rated school and another a very low rated school and honest I can't tell the difference in their educations beyond the fact that the child in the lower ranked school can now speak Portuguese becuase they enrolled in an immersion program where 80% of children are native Portuguese speakers and 20% are native English speakers.

If you're really that concerned about the schools, why not put any extra money towards tutoring? That surely must be less expensive than uprooting your entire life.

Beyond that, the lower grades are more about social and communication skills as stated earlier. Your child is going to go to high school in 10 years or so. No one can predict the future, so no one really knows how good or bad your schools will be at that point. You might live in a town with the best school in the state and it could be dead last in 10 years.

Many young couple in Washington DC are sending their kids to public school up to grade 5 because they have made major changed for the better. If you do send your children to public school the best thing you can do is get involved to make it better for your child and the other children.

[elessar78]

I think you're having an overreaction. Like someone else said, if you're that concerned, find him a tutor to supplement his education. I'm the least fan of homeschooling but make sure you supplement his education as well.