How to find the middle ground

[Reggie]

Admittedly, I have an extreme personality. I don't know how to do things halfway. I tend to be "all in" and since starting my frugal journey, I'm having trouble finding compromise and satisfying the needs of everyone. How do you find that middle ground? My DH and I went out over the weekend for the first time in months. We had dinner out (first time since November) and spent $87. I sorta freaked a little over the expense and the calories. I came home and jumped on the bike to burn some of the calories and I brought up how expensive the dinner was at least 8 times.

How do you allow yourself to enjoy the money you earn and LIVE a little? I'm becoming obsessed and I'm afraid I'm missing the forest for the trees, so to speak.

[ua_guy]

It's like anything. Sometimes you have to see the forest from a different perspective than looking at it through trees.

If the dinner falls within your overall budget, let it go. Trust that you're still following the budget and that your finances will continue in a positive direction despite a single occurrence of an expensive dinner. There's also value in enjoying life once in a while...

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

$87 / 4 months = $21.75 per month

[Reggie]

I don't really follow a budget, I tried writing expenses down but I never had any specific goals for the excess. I just pay my bills and put the rest in investment accounts. I max out my 401k and back door Roth and then I just dump the rest in taxable accounts each month. Maybe I should ear mark specific amounts for entertainment.

[cschin4]

What is your life if it goes by and you amass a pile of money but didn't give yourself permission to enjoy along the way. Save some, spend some, give some away. Save for a rainy day but don't ignore the sunshine today.

[marvholly]

Sit down w/your DH. Discuss having a 'free spending' amount for each of you and maybe another for entertainment. The beginning of each month pull the agreed amount in cash. Yiu get yours, he gets his and if applicable the entertainment money goes into an envelope and is spent on a special thing to do and/or date night.

You get to: try that nice new perfume, buy that GREAT pair of shoes, treat yourself to a massage or manicur........

He gets to: buy that new book, new electronic toy or tool............

you both get to celebrate a nice time out at least 1x/month on the entertainment money.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Make a spending budget. Amount you will spend every month on fun- eating out, buying something, experience, anything. Could be restaurants, travel, new pots and pans, anything ridiculous and unnecessary even.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Admittedly, I have an extreme personality. I don't know how to do things halfway. I tend to be "all in" and since starting my frugal journey, I'm having trouble finding compromise and satisfying the needs of everyone. How do you find that middle ground? My DH and I went out over the weekend for the first time in months. We had dinner out (first time since November) and spent $87. I sorta freaked a little over the expense and the calories. I came home and jumped on the bike to burn some of the calories and I brought up how expensive the dinner was at least 8 times.

How do you allow yourself to enjoy the money you earn and LIVE a little? I'm becoming obsessed and I'm afraid I'm missing the forest for the trees, so to speak.

My answer:

add up income, add up expenses, subtract expenses from income and divide by 2. This 1/2 of your after-expenses income is to save. The other 1/2 is "fun money".

Crude, but it works.

[Reggie]

My answer:

add up income, add up expenses, subtract expenses from income and divide by 2. This 1/2 of your after-expenses income is to save. The other 1/2 is "fun money".

Crude, but it works.

This is a valid point, but I would never ever spend that much.

I like the idea of taking money at the beginning of the month and ear-marking that as fun money. I just need to figure out how much.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

This is a valid point, but I would never ever spend that much.

I like the idea of taking money at the beginning of the month and ear-marking that as fun money. I just need to figure out how much.

It's just the way I do it, is all. You don't have to spend the "fun money", save yourself up and buy a new tool to help you fix stuff around the house.

Just the way I do it.

[Gailete]

I'm very concerned about the extreme reaction to your dinner out. Jumping on a bike to burn off the calories immediately when getting home and complaining about the expenses at least 8 times tells me that there may be something going on more that the money or food. Especially as I assume by the end of the night your husband probably wished you had never gone out as you would have spoiled the occasion for him and it might be a long time before he proposes doing this again. This isn't a financial problem at all. I do think that you might want to talk to a counselor individually or as a couple to help you get to the root of the cause of this.