my goodness the greed

[97guns]

my dad passed away in december and left me as executor to his trust. there are 3 of us siblings and without going into detail the oldest is hounding to be paid off. dad knew this one was greedy because just 4 months before his passing he revised the trust, it read that the oldest would get $3K and the remaining be divided to us other 2 siblings, he made the change to be divided 1/3 of everything. i asked dad to make this change because i did not want hard feelings and it took several talkings to finally get through to him but dads true feelings were spot on the mark.

it made me reflect back 2 years ago when i first took dad into the hospital for his breathing issues, he was in the hospital for several days. when he got out the greedy one calls me to see how dad was doing and his exact words were "wow, i thought we were going to lose him there"

he was counting the money already 2 years ago!! how absolutely disgusting is this guy.

sad thing is ive seen it several times before with other family members but never thought it would happen with my immediate family. just have to vent it off a little

[creditcardfree]

I so sorry for your loss. I would need to vent, too!!

You know best, but I would keep that oldest sibling up on each task you are doing as you do it. In other words, communicate what you as the executor are doing so it is all out in the open. Then they can see all the work you are doing to get the estate settled. Maybe you can find a few articles for them to read about the tasks an executor needs to accomplish and approximate time lines.

[danielhermann]

The loss will hit them long after they have blown the money. Try to talk some sense to the eldest sibling. Set up a fund so that he draws interest but the capital remains intact. Hope he sees the error of his ways.

[samuelwright]

Sadly, I can relate. When my grandfather (on my Dad's side) passed away, my Dad was the greedy one as it turned out. His younger brother was named the executor. Turmoil among the siblings immediately followed.

My Dad and Mom insisted that there was a codicil that indicated that my grandfather's house would be bequeathed to him. The codicil was never found. I hate to say that I doubt it ever existed. At one point, my mom told me "I know grandpa wanted Dad to have the house." My grandfather's will divided the estate equally four ways, in the end.

Around the same time period, my mom's mother died. As the estate was settled, my dad remarked at one point that "we made out like bandits." My heart sank.

Those two situations have never sat well with me. It's a terrible thing when a parent disappoints you in such a manner.

A few years ago, my dad had died. And those memories came rushing back to me. At one point, my sister declared "I want his art supplies." I don't know if it was prompted by greed, or nostalgia. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I made clear to my family after my dad's death that I didn't want to financially benefit from the death of any family member. I just couldn't bear the thought of it. (That's not to say that families shouldn't be provided for when a loved one passes.) However, in my case, I'm an independent single adult and I want to provide for myself. I'd rather see a charity benefit from the death of a family member.

So, yeah, 97guns .. it's a tough thing to deal with. Perhaps, he will change over time. One can hope.

[LizfromtheBronx]

So sorry to hear this. When my dad passed away a few years ago, although he had no will (bad Daddy!), luckily, he and my mother were still married and most assets were joint, or she was set up as the beneficiary. It wasn't all that stressful (other than the obvious of trying to settle while dealing with the loss).

There are 3 children in our family. Since we were all with our mother throughout the process, we've made it a point to have very open conversations about her estate planning, and I'm happy to say that we are all in agreement. Granted, it will be split 3 ways, so there's not really a debate.

I've been pressuring her this year to get it all down on paper though...I told her that while she isn't allowed to die , I realize that she doesn't always listen to me, and that the last thing I want to do while I am grieving is deal with any more paperwork than necessary. For that same reason, sometime this year as well, my siblings and I have decided to take out a life insurance policy on her equal to the cost of her mortgage (that we'll pay for). That way, we don't have to make any decisions about the house immediately either.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

My mom always says money is the root of all evil. I wonder if it's not because of all the fighting created between family about money? Every family has some sort of drama over money.

[snafu]

I too offer condolences and am sorry for your loss. It's horrid when a sibling acts in a predatory manner after the loss of a parent. As Executor you have a legal process to carry out. The law makes it clear that an executor is to be paid a percentage of the value of the estate. In our region a family member is generally paid 4% of the estate's value when everything is straight forward. If an estate is complicated an Executor is expected to track hours devoted to the task and charge an appropriate hourly rate.

In spite of the fact that older brother's inheritance is set at $ 3K, I'd keep a careful record of time, expenditures and receipts as anyone can contest an estate. My brother was was so frustrated as executor when it took two years to complete requirements for our mom's very simple, straight forward estate.

[ua_guy]

Sorry to hear about your father's passing. I watched my father step up as exectutor when his parents passed and saw something similar happen. His brother, who wasn't to be found or heard from while his parents were vulnerable and in poor health before their passing (nor was he before, really), suddenly appeared when it was time to divide up the assets. For shame.

I've already discussed with my folks and other family members the plan for when they pass, so hopefully it will be drama-free. I encourage everyone to do the same if they have not done so already!

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

My husband's family seemed to act out some unresolved sibling rivalry and resentment when settling the estate of their father. I honestly don't think anyone was greedy, but I thought there was some intentional obstruction and hurtful accusation going on. I think the executor had a very hard job.

If there is to be more than one family heir, it might help preserve the peace if a lawyer is executor.

[humandraydel]

sorry for your loss. It is sad how greedy people can be. My dad died a year ago while he was going through a divorce. He had taken his personal possessions (tools and gun collection) to his new girlfriends house...when he died she claimed she didn't have any of it. It was only worth a few thousand so i don't really care but it did disgust me