Feeling isolated

[rennigade]

Seattle is a different animal. People really hate to be disturbed by a random stranger trying to talk to them. That is why I like living here. If you go to an event where socializing is expected then that's different. But you don't want to just start conversations at the grocery store because it's actually seen as rude. I prefer to be left alone when I'm buying soup, so it's totally fine with me. I mean, if someone does talk to me in public, unlike many people who live here, I will attempt to make polite conversation but I am secretly hoping that they will finish talking to me soon. It's especially horrible on the bus because you can't really get away, and too many time's I've been forced to chat with someone who is not all there.

Sounds like all you need is a different job. You clearly have no interest in meeting people. It really sounds like you need an attitude change. You appear to have a really negative mindset. No one can change that but you...and you wont be able to change it until YOU have made up your mind to do so.

[Petunia 100]

Um, you did.

It's not the suggesting church that crossed the line. It was the last lengthy post is what was very insulting. We don't need to beat a dead horse, we can move on, and I thank you for apologizing. But we do wish you understood what you were apologizing for. & I look at these type discussions as an opportunity to educate. Most atheists have been raised in the church. It's hard to live in the U.S. and not have had a lot of exposure to the church. We generally have pretty sound reasons why we are not interested in that outlet; have already been there and done that.

Yes, and also you (Wino) stated that church members are higher quality people than non church members. This is ridiculous, bigoted, insulting, and simply not true.

[Petunia 100]

Sounds like all you need is a different job. You clearly have no interest in meeting people. It really sounds like you need an attitude change. You appear to have a really negative mindset. No one can change that but you...and you wont be able to change it until YOU have made up your mind to do so.

She has recently changed jobs. She is missing her old work friends, which is contributing to her feelings of isolation. She is an introvert, and introverts tend to struggle with feelings of disconnectedness more often than extroverts.

While being told she needs to change her attitude may be the solution she is looking for, there is a chance it is not.

[hamchan]

Sounds like all you need is a different job. You clearly have no interest in meeting people. It really sounds like you need an attitude change. You appear to have a really negative mindset. No one can change that but you...and you wont be able to change it until YOU have made up your mind to do so.

I am and always have been painfully shy in social situations. I don't think that's any sort of reflection on my attitude. I do work on getting more comfortable with talking to people I don't know, but it ain't easy and it doesn't happen overnight.

[hamchan]

I apologize if it seemed I was indicating you were an abuser or recovering abuser. I have found that friends of Bill whom I met to be supportive of me trying to improve myself, no matter what my obstacles might be. My only objective was to help you find groups that are healthy, not just "social." I apologize for any aspersions this might have cast unto your character.

Given the (entirely false) assumptions you have made in the past about me, my values, my work ethic, my mental status, my current and past employment status, I'm thinking it wouldn't be that far fetched.

[Wino]

Um, you did.

It's not the suggesting church that crossed the line. It was the last lengthy post is what was very insulting. We don't need to beat a dead horse, we can move on, and I thank you for apologizing. But we do wish you understood what you were apologizing for. & I look at these type discussions as an opportunity to educate. Most atheists have been raised in the church. It's hard to live in the U.S. and not have had a lot of exposure to the church. We generally have pretty sound reasons why we are not interested in that outlet; have already been there and done that.

Fair enough. I'm sorry that my suggestions were seen in that vein. I won't make similar suggestions again.

[bzbee]

Maybe I am way different than you, but I would actually enjoy my time alone and not having to meet people. Do you really think, being in a crowd of people, even friendly ones, will make you feel better? Maybe you just need time for something you really enjoy instead.

[hamchan]

Maybe I am way different than you, but I would actually enjoy my time alone and not having to meet people. Do you really think, being in a crowd of people, even friendly ones, will make you feel better? Maybe you just need time for something you really enjoy instead.

That's a good question. I do enjoy spending time alone, but when I don't have anyone aside from my husband to talk to and spend time with, it takes a toll on me after a while. While I do like spending time with my husband, so many of our conversations these days are either really heavy or just not particularly stimulating or fun. I think people should probably have friends outside of their spouse and be able to spend time with them. At least I feel that need.

As a general statement I would like to say that so many nonbelievers and non churchgoers (many of whom are believers) have had nothing but negative and painful experiences with churches. They have encountered piety, a sense of superiority, judgement, and hypocrisy, which is very sad to me because that goes directly against what Christianity is about. I feel lucky that my experience was primarily positive and I was able to judge Christianity on it's own merits, rather than having my views of it colored by the bad behavior of others.

[Mjenn]

Sorry to hear you are feeling isolated, it is not always so easy to meet people as an established adult. I have moved around a lot and it gets harder every tine! I have tried to find a book club wherever I am because I find it gives us something to talk about from the get go -- as I often am not very into female oriented pop culture I can find it hard to meet other women whose company I enjoy and find this is a good place to start. Many of my friends are in kickball and frisbee leagues -- I'm not much for team sports, but those are pretty laid back from what I have seen. I have found my last book group on meet up.

As an atheist raised outside of the church, I have occasionally gone to church activities in new places with mixed results. I took my kids to a music class, joined a choir and volunteered to help support a charity I liked. If I felt prostletyzed to, I left pretty quickly, as I am not looking for religion. But I can understand why it is not for most. Unless I lived in a very religious area where I felt very much judged I couldn't imagine going to an atheist activity simply because we shared a non-belief.

But seriously, why would anyone go to AA, Alanon or any other support group if they did not actually have a problem with the issue at hand or another issue that made them go to support groups they did not need. That is indeed bizarre. Hi, I'm an alcoholic. Oh hi, I'm just looking to make friends?

[RoadWorkAhead]

Just an aside, but the UUs have 7 tenets and no belief in a god or gods is required. I'm a long time atheist, and I attend our UU church when I have time. For me, I liked their religious education program for kids (a very broad spectrum presentation of all types of religions as well as the tenets which are non-theism related) plus the social aspect. It is the social outlet for many of us We have an active humanist/freethinkers group and social justice committee.

That said, my spouse attends about 4 x as much as I do b/c I work every other weekend, and I don't have the time/desire some weeks I'm off. I find between school and work I have little time, and I live in an area where I am a seeming anomaly (Deep South, liberal atheist). Prior to living here, I made friends both at the UU church and through a local yarn shop where I did fiber arts in the evenings. Its hard when there is a limit on your available time though.