Baby expenses...wife and I disagree

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Give in. She's nesting and hormonal. And if she's normally level headed when spending why worry? It'll pass.

For baby stuff seriously it depends on the kid. I have 2 (3.5 and 1) and my first kid slept all night in the baby swing. Bought it used but it's the cradle swing normally $200. BUT worth every penny considering till today she only naps in the stroller or car.

But my second kid was "meh" and stayed in it maybe 30 minutes. Same thing with Jumperoo, exersaucer, walker. My first kid loved all those things but my second had no desire to ever be confined. The next kid? I have no idea.

So each kid is different and you won't know until you try it. If you want to save money but buy new, borrow the item at a friends and see how your kid likes it.

The cradle swing a friend came over with her 2 week old (we'd just meet at a mom's group) she tried it and her baby SLEPT! Finally she went out that day and bought it and thought it was the greatest thing ever. Still talks about how her 1st loved it and second was also "meh".

[edg126]

My wife and I have 2 month old twins, and we're just married last year, so very familiar with all the crap you need to register for or are pressured to register for.

At first I thought everything was dumb (and it is) but thought, "well, we are having twins so maybe some of this crap will make our lives easier". It didn't.

We kept off a lot of things, yet still returned maybe $1000 worth of products. What worked well for me was throwing everything in our basement and bringing things up as we needed it. As soon as they were born our parenting instincts kicked in and realized we don't need almost all of it, so save your packaging (and maybe take a picture with the packaging so it doesn't get mixed up!)

many items that were expensive were cheap construction (babies r us line) and didn't survive one washing. their return policy is ok enough to take it back (but they can be snooty about it, like they are doign a favor taking back their defective products)

the APA is your friend with lots of things, recommending nothing additional to car seats and cribs. Plus my pediatrician said sterilers and bottled water was not necessary.

So just fill up your registry, then return it all. then you'll have credit to buy all the formula and diapers you'll blow through.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Breastfeed and you won't need formula and I have total 3 bottles almost never used. I did buy a breast pump hospital grade but my first didn't nurse for 8 weeks (NICU) and I breast feed still till she was 18 months.

Diapers you can use cloth to save money. Buy used on craigslist. Here's a BIG tip, cloth diapers don't fit all frigging babies the same. So don't blow a ton on new cloth diapers. Try them out. My neighbors had their daughter 3 months before me and went through 5 types until they found one that didn't leak based on her shape. Gdiapers, bum genius, white mountain, fuzzibunz, and one more. I borrowed and decided it wasn't for me, especially with one in the hospital for awhile.

So it can work but it can be a more expensive investment for just one kid. Be prepared to use it on more than one and hope it works.

Also never used a teether, pacifier (I bought every one on the market in hopes my kids would take a bottle), tons of sippy cups, and a couple of straw cups.

Oh and for carseats like I said depends on size of baby. I am glad we didn't need the carseat bed and we did need the infant bucket, unlike the "convertibles" that said 5-40 lbs, doesn't work for all babies rear facing. But you can borrow a bucket from a friend for say 4-6 months.

[jIM_Ohio]

My divorce can be traced to some specific incidents which happened when my ex wife was pregnant and post pardom (sp?). Tread very lightly.

I would focus on clothes- kids go through 3 outfits per day sometimes, and outgrow them every 2-4 months. Many of the other items only have a short shelf life... we had twins...

Our kids combined hit weight limit on pack and play in about 6 months, so that was a short lived item, our kids outgrew the swings after 3 months, we might have used basonettes for 6 months.

Cribs, mattresses, dressers (wood) and sippy cups last the longest.

[Gailete]

Interesting post in light of the headline article in our local (small city) newspaper two days ago. It was a sob story of how single mothers are having such a hard time affording diapers for their babies. The featured single mom had two babies, one in diapers all the time and one in them only at night. Horror of horrors, at times they ran out of disposables and had to pin a kitchen towel on the baby! Food banks stating that they rarely get diapers donated but everyone wants them. Apparently they run about $75 a month.

I was ready to blow my fuse when I read the article. Our society has become so crazy in that poor people expect to have the same things that working middle and upper class people do. They even talked about the mental health of these women that don't know where their next batch of diapers are coming from. We were poor when our babies were born. I used cloth diapers and hung them on the line outside or in the basement to dry. Of course, the excuse against cloth diapers is that they are hard to use without a washer and dryer. My dryer both times broke down right when the baby was born and we couldn't afford to fix it so I hung diapers for months. Hanging and folding diapers is actually very relaxing and should take care of most mental health issues that arise from not having disposables. Women back 50-70+ years ago had limited cloth diapers that they would wash out in small batches and hang. Some poor ones had the bare minimum of one diaper on the baby, one in reserve and the other one drying out after hand washing. Disposables are not a God given right to parents. I'm sure that there are many women in the world that still wash out diapers by hand. Yes, it is work and icky, but if that is all you can afford, that is what you can afford.

Same argument goes for formula. It seems the poorest women want formula at an astronomical cost rather than breast feed their babies. formula=$$$$$$$$$$$ breastfeeding = $0 all you have to do is keep up with plenty of fluids and eat right and most of these women get WIC so they do get better nutrition. Of course they also can get WIC baby formula, but when talking to a new mom at the store one day that had something like 10 cans in her cart, she had no idea what they cost. Unfortunately it seems that some of those with the WIC checks figure that there is no reason to check out prices when picking up the stuff they can get. Think of the money savings to the WIC program (our tax dollars at work) if many of the women using that program breast fed their babies instead of getting formula? It would be a huge savings.

I'm not some hillbilly red-neck, but a college graduate that could look at a budget and realize that if we wanted kids then some 'sacrifices' would need to be made and I made them. I'm just shocked at the people that have even less in their budgets than I did who won't make that sacrifice and instead depend on handouts and the government to support them and their babies.

So what do I think is needed for a baby: cloth diapers, plastic pants, 4-5 outfits for each size they grow to (more if you are given them), a couple of the lightweight receiving blankets and some heavier ones if you live in cold country and you have to take baby out, heavy baby bunting since I think the 'rule' now is no blankets in the baby's crib although I used them there, a car seat (required by law), a crib and a couple of crib sheets (I think the bumpers in a crib are no goes now too), lightweight terry towel washcloths to use in place of wipes, stroller. I may have forgotten a few things, but that is pretty basic. If filling out a gift registry, I would go for the basics and like the others said wait to see what you really need. I also had a playpen and highchair when they were a bit older and in one week when they were 14 months they learned to escape from the crib, playpen, highchair, car seat -- everything that could hold them in one space for when mom had to use the bathroom disappeared. Now if someone could figure out what would help that, it would come in really handy.

Oh, by the way, even with all these 'hardship' that my sons went through, they are fine functioning, mature adults and don't seem any the worse for it, including the homemade baby food.

[Mjenn]

Interesting post in light of the headline article in our local (small city) newspaper two days ago. It was a sob story of how single mothers are having such a hard time affording diapers for their babies. The featured single mom had two babies, one in diapers all the time and one in them only at night. Horror of horrors, at times they ran out of disposables and had to pin a kitchen towel on the baby! Food banks stating that they rarely get diapers donated but everyone wants them. Apparently they run about $75 a month.

I was ready to blow my fuse when I read the article. Our society has become so crazy in that poor people expect to have the same things that working middle and upper class people do. They even talked about the mental health of these women that don't know where their next batch of diapers are coming from. We were poor when our babies were born. I used cloth diapers and hung them on the line outside or in the basement to dry. Of course, the excuse against cloth diapers is that they are hard to use without a washer and dryer. My dryer both times broke down right when the baby was born and we couldn't afford to fix it so I hung diapers for months. Hanging and folding diapers is actually very relaxing and should take care of most mental health issues that arise from not having disposables. Women back 50-70+ years ago had limited cloth diapers that they would wash out in small batches and hang. Some poor ones had the bare minimum of one diaper on the baby, one in reserve and the other one drying out after hand washing. Disposables are not a God given right to parents. I'm sure that there are many women in the world that still wash out diapers by hand. Yes, it is work and icky, but if that is all you can afford, that is what you can afford.

Same argument goes for formula. It seems the poorest women want formula at an astronomical cost rather than breast feed their babies. formula=$$$$$$$$$$$ breastfeeding = $0 all you have to do is keep up with plenty of fluids and eat right and most of these women get WIC so they do get better nutrition. Of course they also can get WIC baby formula, but when talking to a new mom at the store one day that had something like 10 cans in her cart, she had no idea what they cost. Unfortunately it seems that some of those with the WIC checks figure that there is no reason to check out prices when picking up the stuff they can get. Think of the money savings to the WIC program (our tax dollars at work) if many of the women using that program breast fed their babies instead of getting formula? It would be a huge savings.

I'm not some hillbilly red-neck, but a college graduate that could look at a budget and realize that if we wanted kids then some 'sacrifices' would need to be made and I made them. I'm just shocked at the people that have even less in their budgets than I did who won't make that sacrifice and instead depend on handouts and the government to support them and their babies.

So what do I think is needed for a baby: cloth diapers, plastic pants, 4-5 outfits for each size they grow to (more if you are given them), a couple of the lightweight receiving blankets and some heavier ones if you live in cold country and you have to take baby out, heavy baby bunting since I think the 'rule' now is no blankets in the baby's crib although I used them there, a car seat (required by law), a crib and a couple of crib sheets (I think the bumpers in a crib are no goes now too), lightweight terry towel washcloths to use in place of wipes, stroller. I may have forgotten a few things, but that is pretty basic. If filling out a gift registry, I would go for the basics and like the others said wait to see what you really need. I also had a playpen and highchair when they were a bit older and in one week when they were 14 months they learned to escape from the crib, playpen, highchair, car seat -- everything that could hold them in one space for when mom had to use the bathroom disappeared. Now if someone could figure out what would help that, it would come in really handy.

Oh, by the way, even with all these 'hardship' that my sons went through, they are fine functioning, mature adults and don't seem any the worse for it, including the homemade baby food.

This post makes me all kinds of sad, but there are many reasons why single moms would need disposables and formula rather than cloth diapers and breastfeeding -- even though I, like you, did bf and cloth diaper and saved a bundle. The main reason?

A single mom has to work. To support working and day care, they often need to work a LOT.

Most day cares do not accept cloth diapers -- only disposibles.

If you are working 8-10 hour days and commuting, and have two kids, it can be really hard to find a chance to wash the diapers, especially if you are living in an apartment and have to go to a laundromat. And your kids need to get a good night sleep.


If you are working retail or two part time jobs to make ends meet (like many Moms I worked with when I was a high school student working retail) it can be difficult to find time to pump breastmilk.

To pump breastmilk you need an expensive pump (which is now covered by the ACA (aka obamacare) - but not all insurance companies are doing this), you need a room to pump in, you need storage for your milk, and that means you need to have a commute where you can store your milk -- which can be hard with public transport. Even in the best situation, I know working Moms who have had trouble keeping up there supply, and they are lawyers with their own offices to pump in, and private fridges to store their milk.

WIC helps children in tough situations. I cannot imagine my tax money going to anything better than that.

It is a struggle to be a single mom. And I do think they are doing an amazing job. And thanks for reminding us that more people could donate diapers to their local charities and food banks --- good idea for the Christmas season.

[Gailete]

Afraid the mom in this article wasn't a working mom. That is where I start seeing problems. I was a working mom myself when mine were little. When they went to day care, yes I had to put them in disposables for that time period, but even with working I couldn't afford them round the clock. I too know what it is like to breast feed, try to pump milk with a cheap plastic pump since I couldn't afford any other kind, etc. I was not trying to be insensitive, but when a mom isn't working they do, or at least should, have more time to do those cost savings things. Even though married, for all practical purposes I was in the position of being a single mom with babies and an overgrown baby to care for. Husband didn't do squat around the house. When I came home from the hospital with the second baby, he didn't even help me get the baby and our stuff out of the car and into the house as he 'had' to go to work. He did work for a company that was understanding about a guy needing time off to bring his wife and baby home from the hospital where he almost left me without a ride home since the doctor was slow about writing the discharge papers. It didn't get any better than that, so I do know very much the difficulties of being a single mom without much money. As my youngest is also autistic, I also had the joy of a special child and the difficulties that come with that. I did what I had to to cope financially with the costs of having children and I think the training and education that should go along with some of the government benefits are very much missing which would make the programs better and easier on all our budgets (taxwise). I understand the struggle, but I also see the faults. There is a huge need with education starting from how to not get pregnant in the first place when you can't afford children to what are some cheaper alternatives to what has become usual and customary in having children these days which weren't usual and customary even 30 years ago. I didn't post that piece to start any kind of argument, but to show that if a woman is willing, there is much she can accomplish to keep the costs of a baby down and that even though there are all sorts of statistics saying how much it can cost to raise a child from birth to HS grad, there are ways to make it much cheaper.

One interesting thing I'm seeing at our local thrift store is a big bowl of condoms at the checkout stand and with no embarrassment at all a guy picked one up the last time I was there. Just one of many ways our thrift store is concerned with the people and their needs in our town. It doesn't seem big, but it is a start.

[ThriftoRama]

Every baby is different in their preferences, but...

I have 3 and 5 year old boys and I tried to do the baby thing as cheaply as possible.
Here is what we couldn't live without:

-clothes (all used and hand me downs. No point in buying new until age 5)
-a play mat / activity center- also used, from a yard sale. Don't buy new.
-pacifiers

-A baby sling or bjorn, but mostly because our first cried if you weren't carrying him. Really cried.
-Bottles and a bottle brush
-A good hospital rental on a breast pump (if you're going that route). If wife wants more than an hour to herself while breast feeding, she'll need to pump a bottle and keep it in the fridge.

-a swaddler with velcro, and a couple of sleep sacks. These are essential for baby sleeping in the first six months. Also can be bought used.

- when they were about 3 months old, we also got a lot of use out of a "walker" that you can sit them in so they can push themselves around. We bought one new at Walmart for $25. You can get those used too.

- We also got great used out of a small, battery-powered swing. It was a life saver for both babies. It's really the only way you can put them down without them freaking out for the first few months. But, buy the small portable ones. No need for the giant plug-in ones.

-- and ironically, the best thing we bought? rechargeable batteries and a battery charger. Baby stuff uses SO MANY BATTERIES. We invested in one of these sets and we're still using it to recharge batteries. It saved us so much money.


things you definitely don't need:
- baby butt wipe warmers

[Gailete]

One other thing now that we are in the digital age. A camera! It is very obvious which of our children came into a home with a camera that had broken between child #1 and child #2! Thankfully now you can take as many photos as you want and save everyone. Back in the days of film there was the cost of the film, the flashcubes, and the developing. It got very expensive!

[dojo]

Mjenn, good points, but there's still something to debate: as it was mentioned already many such moms DO NOT work. If you are at home with the kid, then you have the time to do the stuff.

My MIL is pretty old, so she did get those times, when they didn't have all this fancy crap I can use as a mom to be. Think about the fact we were in communism back then, so most of the stuff was difficult to find or on ration.

The US is not on any ration and any person can find anything they need for their child.

Those moms don't need washing machines to wash the stuff, I presume there's a kitchen in their house and they do have running water. People can boil water (if there's no hot water, which I sincerely doubt) to wash the diapers. Not to mention some used to also boil them with some detergent. You won't cook from that pot, but you can have cloth diapers (the material is surely not that expensive) boiled/cleaned and re-use them.

Would I do this? Sure not, I will use disposables, but I don't need the state's help to raise my child.

Breastfeeding: yes, it is free and a lot of women CAN do it. Breast pumps don't have to be this expensive (back in the day women milked themselves WITHOUT any pumps). I am planning on buying a VERY cheap one (just in case I'll need it). I could afford an expensive one, but at the end of the day I don't see much difference.

You don't need to buy baby food. I can't understand why I'd pay for all that bottled crap (filled with preservatives), when I can blend an apple and 2 carrots myself. Cost of food for my child (after she's not breastfed 100%? - pretty small, since we do have fruits/vegetables on a daily basis at home to cook and eat.

One can surely raise a baby without all these gadgets we find vital today. Sure, if you can afford it and think it makes your life easier, go crazy about it. But there's a lot of stuff one can do with less. And children will not be unhealthy or dirty, even if the mother's job is not as easy.

[asmom]

Some of these comments are hilarious. Cloth diapers, people really? Yes, technically you don't need disposable but my God, isn't taking care of an infant hard enough with all the new-tangled modern conveniences? There is no way I would want to spend even one day washing out a poopy diaper. Oh and washing them in the kitchen sink is as disgusting as it gets, there is not enough boiling water to overcome that.

Oh and breast feeding is not an option for every mom.

Taking of babies is exhausting but it doesn't last forever so if you splurge a little, it's really not that big of a deal.

Now I think I am going to go shopping for some disposable diapers and feminine supplies to donate to a women's shelter.

[Gailete]

Now I think I am going to go shopping for some disposable diapers and feminine supplies to donate to a women's shelter.

Good for you to do and a great and nice thing to do! I'm sure the women will appreciate it and I applaud you for it if you can afford that. We all do have to have our part in helping others, and I do what I can as well.

Taking of babies is exhausting but it doesn't last forever so if you splurge a little, it's really not that big of a deal.

The point for some of is, we couldn't afford to splurge on anything whether because we had a new baby or not. I was thrilled to be able to afford a couple of nursing bras! I've heard the excuses (the exhaustion and all the time the baby takes) as reasons for not doing just about anything that was time saving. I was shocked when I first was using ebay and selling on line when I came upon a fantastic and expensive (originally) sewing machine for sale that because the woman had a baby/toddler she didn't have time to sew so it was sitting in the closet and she decided to sell it. She was selling it for so cheap as apparently she didn't see herself sewing again until the baby left for college! This was a top of the line machine, not a yard sale machine good for occasional mending that she was selling. I remember sewing a lot when my kids were young. I made them clothes and especially clothes for me because if I didn't make them for me I wouldn't have had anything to wear - literally! When necessity steps in you learn to compromise and do what you have to do.

You don't need to buy baby food. I can't understand why I'd pay for all that bottled crap (filled with preservatives), when I can blend an apple and 2 carrots myself. Cost of food for my child (after she's not breastfed 100%? - pretty small, since we do have fruits/vegetables on a daily basis at home to cook and eat

I used to make my own baby food as well and found that cooking dried split peas and carrots into a mush was easy to eat for the baby, as well as potatoes and then puree them into an even finer mixture. I pureed the peaches I had canned in the summer for a fruit and also used my home canned applesauce, both got mixed into their cereal which I did buy the baby food boxes of cereals but that is pretty much it for store bought baby food. Of course, I did the step by step adding foods into their diets before combining them. I also, when I had it, added chicken into the pea/carrot mix and blended them all together.

And children will not be unhealthy or dirty, even if the mother's job is not as easy.

Interesting thought. I knew if I was to have children, these were some of the things I would have to do they wouldn't be an option not to, so I willingly took up those 'burdensome' things and found that God blessed me with the most content happy baby the first time around (he slept through the night at 3 weeks!), and even though the youngest was autistic from birth, he also grew and prospered and was very healthy. I never felt like what I was doing was too much or too icky, etc. Mine had bedtimes that allowed me free time in the evening to do things like read, sew, do cross stitch, etc. I figured I was much better off than our pioneer and Pilgrim foremothers and with that I was content and happy. The only thing I would have done differently would have been to have found my boys a better father! The day before the last one was born, he picked a bushel of peaches from our tree in the back yard, brought them in for me to can since he knew I wouldn't be filling up to it after the baby was born! At that point I was 18 days overdue, my feet and ankles so swollen I couldn't wear shoes anymore -- talk about barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen! I canned 23 quarts of peaches that day plus did the laundry with the memories of going up and down stairs to do laundry the day after I got home from the hospital with the first one, so I did it ahead of time. The ex never lifted a finger to help me. Pick your husband/children's father carefully!

[disneysteve]

I think the bottom line here is the same as with so many other topics. It is perfectly fine to have luxuries and splurges and nice things for yourself and for your children IF YOU CAN AFFORD THEM.

We as a society seem to have lost sight of that last part. People want to have it all whether they can afford it or not. iPhones, designer clothes, nice cars, exotic vacations, big screen high-def TVs with 300 cable channels, whatever.

If you can afford disposable diapers, by all means buy them. If you can't, then accept that fact and go with cloth. If you can afford an $800 stroller, go for it. If all you can afford is a $20 stroller from the thrift shop, then that's what you get.

[Gailete]

Exactly Steve!

[dojo]

asmom, the idea was that some women need diaper donations, since they can't afford 'regular' diapers, formula etc. I am a firm believer that a child should usually come when you can at least afford some 'basics'. If not, there's still a way (the cloth diapers etc.), which is not the easy way or the most comfortable way, but it can be managed.

We decided to have a baby NOW, when I'm 35, just because we can now afford all the stuff and not go bankrupt. I will surely NOT use cloth diapers, we already have stashes of diapers bought in advance (to make it easier after she's born). We have bought most of the 'hardware' (baby monitor, stroller, some clothing, thermometer, scale etc.) and received some help from our friends (car seat, crib) who had babies and wanted to give us the items so that we don't spend for this.

I will not feed the baby formula or any of the bottled food, since I hope i'll be able to breastfeed (will surely do my best). Most women CAN breastfeed, but the new trend now is to be 'modern' and not breastfeed. Sure, if you cannot do it, formula is just fine, that kid needs to eat at the end of the day.

We have saved money before deciding to have the child, we're saving money even now, we're slowly purchasing the needed items so that we don't have to compromise on anything once she's born.

My main idea though in the previous reply was that, if you weren't prepared for the baby, you can still get by with some very frugal (and not too easy) methods, instead of expecting diaper donations and complaining you don't have anything to change the baby in