What things would you consider when looking for a mate?

[Reggie]

I've been pretty much having the time of my life all weekend long. For a homebody, I'm really kinda diggin on the attention. I should be ashamed of that, but I'm not.

Even my nosey neighbor came over yesterday morning and said "Look at you and all your male visitors." I laughed out loud and she rolled her eyes. I'm 39 years old lady. I don't need to check in with anyone.

Anyway, here is my list so far. This is in no particular order.

1. Financially Responsible (no debt, decent savings, etc)
2. Excellent Physical condition (low body fat and decent muscle mass - yes, I'm vain but working out and taking pride in your body and appearance tends to leak in all aspects of life. also, less illness to deal with)
3. Good Career (I am successful at work and would want something similar just for the understanding/communication)
4. No Political Fantatics. It's great to have opinions, it's not when it bleeds into every part of your life.
5. No Children.
6. Age is negotiable, but my objective would be 26-36
7. Happy and overall optimistic attitude. No downers.
8. Must have confidence. I love strong men.

[Gailete]

Just reading this thread makes me twitch

I started twitching last night when I saw a commercial again where a kid that looks no more than 10-12 is using his electronic device to find out how to ask a girl out on a date. Please let these kids grow up before they think they need to get into this dating scene!

Ladies don't forget when thinking about age groups you are looking for, that for the most part men die sooner, so grabbing a guy younger than you can have benefits much later in life when you still have a partner and all the other ladies are widows! But more than a 10 year difference either way can be a bit difficult, as you start not having any history in common, which can be odd for those of us that watched the moon landing and know where we were when JFK was shot. To be tagged up with someone that wasn't even alive then (and you had been) could end up feeling strange. Education is important too. One of the reasons hubby said he was attracted to me as we both had degrees and could use '50 cent' words instead of just sticking with 6th grade vocabulary LOL!

[Reggie]

I do understand what you are saying about dating 10 years outside of your age range. I think for me, even though I may not have the same history, I tend to relate more in the present with guys a good deal younger than me. I work in IT and I hire people in their late 20's now. Most of my colleagues are in their 30's.

I see men that are in their 40's and a lot of them have sedentary lifestyles and seldom go out. I love to go out. I love to do outdoor, physical activities. I keep up on current events and love newer released music. I think I relate better to men in their late 20's and early 30's. I'm not making blanket judgements though. I know we are all individuals and everyone is different.

And let's just be honest, I'm not trying to take care of an old man in another 15-20 years. And I don't know about every woman, but for me, I love to be physically intimate. My last husband was a 2-3 days a week kinda guy. I'm a 2-3times a day kinda gal. I'm in my prime and I would prefer someone who is also in their prime. Biologically, I think younger men fit better with older women.

That's my justifacation and I'm sticking to it. I guess you can call me a cougar. (HATE THAT WORD)

[Gailete]

LOL! You can use any justification you like! It is you and your life. My hubby who has been sickly most of his life says now that he isn't sure he could have coped with me before I got too messed up with such bad arthritis. So now we are both sort of old fogies, but I still like getting out more than him, but for me going to the local Burger King or McDonalds and people watching for 1/2 hour is my limit of a social life! Nasty business arthritis is, more than the pain, it is the fatigue that gets me.

Anyhow better to know yourself than to settle for less than what you want. I settled in my first marriage and I paid for it many times over in those 13 years and in many ways still pay for it.

[EEinNJ]

I guess checklists are good for figuring out what you want, as long as you can keep an open mind and pay attention to chemistry. The harder thing is the opposite, not getting caught up in romance and being true to what you know you need.

It's funny how the OP knows she wants a younger man because of their energy compared to men her age- after being married to older women, I knew I wanted to date younger women!

I didn't go looking for the opposite of my ex, but in just about every way that's what I found in my new partner. It's a relief to know that it doesn't have to be like it was before. I think when you can fully accept that, you can let go of bitterness, fear, etc. based on previous bad relationships.

So perhaps one thing to look for is not re-creating your past! Don't overlook things, make excuses, or think things will change.

Since this is a financial forum, I should throw in: must have job, or better, be independently wealthy, yet not be greedy or materialistic. No credit card debts or financial drama.

[Petunia 100]

I'm honestly starting to love this dating thing. It's been quite awhile for me and the scene has done a 180 degree change. I don't remember men being so thoughtful and courteous.

I've been for drinks and dinner with a few gentlemen the past several days. I've had the men call and ask if I needed help finding or paying for a sitter ( I have a 7 year old daughter ). I've had a gentlemen send a cleaning service to my house when I told him I would be spending my Saturday "cleaning and piddling around the house". At first I thought it was a bit much, but I know they were both truly trying to be nice. I let the cleaning service stay 30 mins and perform some dusting, vacuuming and wiping counters, those types of things - it was AWESOME!!

The one thing that does bother me a bit is the constant communication. I know it's a different time, but I'm not used to daily text messages or emails. I'm not being inundated with texts or anything like that, but I'm a loner and other than work and my child, I occasionally go days without speaking to people. So, that is a bit different for me.

I even had one of the men show up with flowers for me and a flower for my daughter. She wasn't here at the time, of course, but I thought that was very thoughtful of him. Her name is a flower so he gave me 6 for me and a single colored flower of the same type for her.

Maybe I've just been treated so indifferently for so long that it strikes me as very nice.

Anyway, I'm just enjoying the ride.

I'm glad you are having fun, but please be selective when giving out your home address. Be safe.

[Gailete]

Don't overlook things, make excuses, or think things will change.

So true! I did all those things when dating my first husband. I should have known better but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and I ended up married to a severely mentally ill man with autism whose family had worked at hiding his difficulties right for the get go.

Pay attention to common sense. An 'extreme' example, is if he has hair coming out his ears and it irritates you, either feel free to ask him to trim it or leave the situation because 5 years into a marriage when all the petty annoyances start adding up, things that annoyed you before marriage will have become mountains. Same with things like does he chew with his mouth full, has poor hygiene now (while supposedly trying to impress you!), never seems to have the money to pay for a date even though he talks as if he does, does he brag about stuff that he never proves he actually has done or has? This is what dating and getting to know people is for before marriage, not to see if they are sexually compatible. That should be the last thing on the list, not the first. Who cares if you are sexually compatible if he drives you crazy in every other way and you can't trust him and are finding you have nothing in common.

Substitute the word he for she as needed.