Parenting on a budget

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I have a pretty wide variation of incomes from my friends, so watching them buy things and talk about deals is interesting.

I've got two girls and I never buy them clothes. My mom buys them everything probably to make up for the fact that she couldn't do it when I was young and now has the time and money to do so. So for the most part I just buy a winter suit and coat and maybe boots.

But my friends really struggle with finding clothes for their kids. I realized recently as I watched my friends shop that everyone no matter what their income loves a sale. But some people who both have a lot of income and are born to money, don't realize that even when things are on "sale" they aren't a good deal.

Example a friend "S" recently paid $23 for jeggings from Gap because her 3 year old wouldn't wear anything else. And she paid $20 for leggings from Hannah Anderson. She said they were on "sale" so it's a great deal. I didn't have the heart to point out that $20 for pants for a 3 year old honestly is crazy. She grew up very rich, we're talking 1%. She also pays $50-100 for a pair of shoes because her kid has narrow feet. They last about a month because her kid refused to wear anything but these Ariel princess shoes that barely fit (though the salesperson, another mom, her mom) were telling her she needed the next size up so she could keep them at least three months.

But then another friend "K" said "omg" whose the kid and whose the child? She was floored that "s" would allow her 3 yo to dictate what she would wear without regard to cost. My point to her is that "s" doesn't need to stress about money so she prefers her kid like what she wears than worry about how much it costs. "K" was like why not just put your foot down and say you can't have those clothes? "S" if I make her buy something she doesn't like she won't wear it and it'll sit in the closet.

I think that a lot of parents run into this. I find it interesting that a lot of parent I've meet worry more about their kids liking something than worrying whether they can really afford it or it's really reasonable to pay $ for something.

I think this is part of how our generation gets really spoiled. This expectation that you get clothes on "sale" and they are a good deal rather than realizing that the pants are still $20!

But I have to say it would be nice to have that luxury.

[disneysteve]

Being the parent of a very "strong willed" child, I have to at least somewhat side with "S" regarding the kid not wanting to wear certain items. From a very early age, our daughter was like that. We stopped picking out her outfits very early on because if she didn't like it or it didn't feel good to her, she wouldn't wear it. I don't think she was being spoiled or bratty. I think she was just being herself. I also think she is particularly sensitive to tactile input for what that's worth (still to this day at nearly 18 years old).

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean we left Target and took her to the children's boutique shop for clothing. We still only let her pick from a controlled set of options that were within OUR price range. That also included Goodwill, other thrift shops, hand me downs, etc. Never did we buy her a $50 pair of shoes until she had stopped growing - just a year or two ago. The one very brief exception is when she was the same shoe size as my wife. My wife figured as soon as DW outgrew the shoes, she'd get them, which is exactly what happened, so we didn't mind paying more. We got her a nice pair of hiking boots for camp that summer, which got passed to my wife by the end of the summer when they didn't fit anymore.

[moneybags]

I also think she is particularly sensitive to tactile input for what that's worth (still to this day at nearly 18 years old).

That is actually a sign of a gifted child .

[disneysteve]

That is actually a sign of a gifted child .

Yep. We actually thought about the possibility of Asperger's at one point (and I'm still not entirely sure she doesn't have it) but she's an excellent student, honor roll, dean's list, etc. But put on a new shirt and she will immediately grab a scissors to cut off the tag because feeling it on her back bothers her so much.

[snafu]

For some parents...they buy their DKs expensive, branded, trendy items because it makes them [parent] feel good about themselves for the brief moment their generosity has been acknowledged...whether they can afford it or not. So many put it on a CC at 18% - 22% and pay for it six to ten times over. There have been several intensive studies with the parent often acknowledging the role of their own present and past insecurities.

We set a limit on items and if DSs wanted branded jeans or sneakers, they had to earn the cost differential. They caught on to the idea that they could get gently used jeans and shirts at charity or consignment shops for the cost of Levis. They knew gran would be generous with birthday and celebratory events and that about half could be targetted to 'wants.'

Setting that standard for a 3 y/o suggest she will be getting a Porche by 16 lol.

[hamchan]

My daughter wears clothes she got from the dump. I'm not kidding. She has pairs of underwear that are at least five years old. I paid three dollars for three new pairs this summer at an outlet store and she said, "You're not buying me underwear are you? I don't need any underwear. I have underwear." I can't even remember the last time she asked me to buy her something. When I ask her what she wants for Christmas she says, "a hug."

She eats me out of house and home though.

[Reggie]

I am new to the used clothing market. Just today, I went to a children's clothing sale and spent $15 and got quite a few gently used items. I'm going to continue looking for inexpensive options for clothing my daughter. You can really save some money.

I used to be into expensive kids clothing and took great pride in my own and my daughter's wardrobes. Now I go for clothes she will put on herself and clean and neat clothing for myself. I really don't need all of the expensive trendy clothing.

[Mjenn]

I don't think it is always that clear cut, but we tend to by only stuff on sale. For my 3 year old it is really about clothing that can take some wear and tear. Sometimes that is more expensive, but usually we like Osh Kosh and they have great sales.

Shoes are a pain, but I also tend to buy quality shoes as I have always had foot issues and find having good shoes means you have fewer injuries and tend to move more. Right now we are doing cheap shoes though because bikes keep ripping down the toes after a few months of wear. I hope once LO can ride a real bike this won't be an issue.

That said, we got some really really expensive clothing for DS when he was little from friends and family. There is a brand that is super popular where we live and crazy expensive. But we got a pair of pajamas, for example, that had sleeves you could roll down or up, that I swear he wore for like 2 years, they were organic, and lasted really well. We will be reusing them with the new kid. So that said, I have been more inclined to buy a few items from said brand, because, well, you do get your money's worth.

Also, if my kid has any 'brand name' clothes, they are from TJ Marshalls discountrack and they have a great resale value where we live, I can usually get what I paid, and that is incentive enough for me.

ETA - The Osh Kosh sales tend to be around 70% off, so we get pants for like 4 - 10 dollars that last a really long time and 3 shirts for 10 bucks.

[willuc8]

Agreed That is actually a sign of a gifted child

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Osh Kosh is cheap compared to Hannah Anderson. Have you seen the prices where dresses run $30 and one pair of leggings is $20? We Carters, Osh Kosh, Gymboree are a step above Target and Walmart in prices but the quality is better and does last longer. But places like Hannah Anderson in perspective is more like North Face, Patagonia, specialty boutiques or Nordstroms. She believes in quality so she buys her daughter annually a jacket from North Face or Patagonia (3 years old). Yep she uses it but seriously I got my at Costco and it does the same thing for less than 20% of what it costs from North Face.

I do understand that people like to buy quality and hand me downs. But I wonder if it's worth it because what if you don't have the same gender second time around? And I'm not adverse to letting my kid pick colors she likes or clothes from a store, just has to be in my price range. I also buy her shoes new because I think it conforms to her feet, but I buy it on sale and she gets a choice from the cheapest ones in stride rite in her size. She doesn't get to go in and say this, and nevermind the size.

[disneysteve]

I do understand that people like to buy quality

It isn't just about brand/designer name or quality. It's about price. Our daughter had OshKosh overalls when she was young. They are well made and durable. But we bought them at the thrift store for $1 a pair, not at the store for 20 times as much.

Just because you want quality doesn't mean you have to spend a fortune.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

It isn't just about brand/designer name or quality. It's about price. Our daughter had OshKosh overalls when she was young. They are well made and durable. But we bought them at the thrift store for $1 a pair, not at the store for 20 times as much.

Just because you want quality doesn't mean you have to spend a fortune.

Yes, well thank goodness for people who buy the quality items new and then send them to the thrift stores.

[ua_guy]

I think some of it is competitve parenting too. Of course, finding something wearable AND likeable appears to be quite the feat as kids grow in/out of awkward sizes, so some parents are willing to buy whatever meets both criteria regardless of price. And like DisneySteve said, kids have needs/preferences too, although at a young age they should generally be brand-agnostic. Being choosy seems to be okay, so long as it doesn't constitute a battle of wills and fits within a pre-defined budget.

I've also seen plenty of "my kids are cooler than yours" because of jackets, shoes, toys, enrollment in sports/activities, etc. Absolutely disgusting, and some parents crack like eggs under peer pressure. LOL

[dojo]

Well, 20 bucks is actually a great deal. Whenever you feel like the clothing in the US is too expensive, I recommend you shopped in Europe. Here you'll find out what expensive means

Back to the main topic ..

We'll have a girl and mr.dojo is already pretty scared she's gonna go nuts if we don't buy her whatever brand of clothing will be the 'norm' when she's old enough for tantrums. I personally think that ANY clothes are OK, as long as they're made of decent materials and are comfortable. We're both into jeans and sport shoes, since we really don't care about looking 'dandy', we care about feeling nice in our clothing. We have 'brand' names (Levi, Guess, Nike) and also 'no-name' clothing, as long as it's of decent quality. We choose based on price and NEED. I'm sure the kid will learn the same lesson, since she won't see me spend 300 bucks on Prada shoes.

It all boils down to how you raise the kid. If she sees you make a huge deal about clothing and brands, she'll surely do the same. If she's used to dress whatever is in the closet and have other priorities, it should be fine.

We'll see what happens to us in the future, right now my plans sound nice

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Dojo the leggings are on sale. And Hannah Anderson is a european brand. And it's ridiculous expensive. And she buys her a fleece from North Face every year and pays $100 for a fleece? That's not including a jacket.

Her mom was shopping with me at Costco as I looked at buying my kids a snowsuit for $29.99 and she was like that's really cheap. It's not worth it. I bought it last year for my kid and she thought I should spend more and buy at least LL Bean or something. Although she said it was "nearly" as cheap.

Where I live thrift stores are pricey. An example outwear name brand jacket for my 3 year old was $45 at a thrift store! No way.

I did bring it up nicely when she and her daughter were arguing over catalogs. She was begging her to pick some clothes from the catalogs so she would have warm stuff to wear. And I said that instead of making herself crazy fighting and going to store after store just say this is it. Go to one store and tell her to pick out what she wanted.

Her response she wouldn't waste money buying stuff her kid wouldn't wear. And if she didn't like any of the clothes she would refuse to get dressed in the morning. And she didn't want to fight with her daughter because as 3 year olds they have so little control that she was allowing her to be creative and have control over her clothes. It just cost money and time. I said she's "spoiling" her a bit but if she didn't to fight just tell her pick clothes and that's it.

I said if she picked the clothes why wouldn't she wear them? She didn't really like it. So I guess the truth is that when you have money you can afford to be pickier and let your kids dictate.