Do you and your SO still make new friends?

[riverwed070707]

This sounds like such a loser post but DH and I have really grown away from a number of our old friends. We really only have one other couple we hang out with on a regular basis and we re kinda tired of doing the same old thing all the time but we find it hard to make new friends at this stage in our life -- we have a small kid, we both work in places where our coworkers are significantly older than us and not really into the same thugs we are. It feels like dating and nEither of us know where to look for new couple friends. Are we alone in this? Do you have to make an effort to make friendships or do they just sort of happen for you?

[bjl584]

Most of my old friends are old friends for a reason. I've disassociated with people for various reasons. They drank too much, they fought with each other too much, they had too much drama in their life.

But on the flip side, I've made a decent amount of new friends during that same time period.

People come and go. that's just life.

Friendships just sorta happen for me. I really don't seek out friendship, I've always just stuck up friendships here and there, so I'm probably not much help to you.

[disneysteve]

I'm not sure how old you are but since you have a young child, I'm guessing you are relatively young like in your early 30s probably. That's a tough stage of life to maintain friendships or to make new ones since you tend to be focused on your own family.

My wife and I are now in our late 40s (47 and 48) and our daughter is 16. It is really only in the past year or two that we've really started having much of a social life again. Where do we meet people? I'd say 100% of the time, it is at our synagogue where we are both very active. Just this past Saturday night, we went out to dinner with the temple administrator and his wife. We just hired him in August so they are new friends. So your house of worship would be one place.

Other places would be getting involved in activities that you both like. Maybe you take dance lessons and you'll meet other couples. Maybe you take a class at a local community college. Check what kind of activities your local library sponsors. Do you belong to any organizations?

I don't think you are losers at all by they way. We are minimally in touch with any friends from years ago. Almost everyone that we socialize with now are people that we've met in the past 5-10 years.

[riverwed070707]

I'm not sure how old you are but since you have a young child, I'm guessing you are relatively young like in your early 30s probably. That's a tough stage of life to maintain friendships or to make new ones since you tend to be focused on your own family.

My wife and I are now in our late 40s (47 and 48) and our daughter is 16. It is really only in the past year or two that we've really started having much of a social life again. Where do we meet people? I'd say 100% of the time, it is at our synagogue where we are both very active. Just this past Saturday night, we went out to dinner with the temple administrator and his wife. We just hired him in August so they are new friends. So your house of worship would be one place.

Other places would be getting involved in activities that you both like. Maybe you take dance lessons and you'll meet other couples. Maybe you take a class at a local community college. Check what kind of activities your local library sponsors. Do you belong to any organizations?

I don't think you are losers at all by they way. We are minimally in touch with any friends from years ago. Almost everyone that we socialize with now are people that we've met in the past 5-10 years.

We're 26 and 31. The friendships we have now are all old high school friends. Despite the fact that we moved away for 5 years, we maintained contact but now were just starting to feel te strain of being in different places than they are. We got married young and had our daughter shortly after. We don't have any interest in spending time at the bar but we don't have a place of worship either. We play recreational sports in the summer but somehow have managed not to make new friends that way (perhaps because all the people we play with are the old hs friends lol).

I told DH this weekend we just needed to put more effort into it -- you know, start by inviting someone over but he laughed at the idea of specifically seeking out new friends. Then we both laughed when we started rattling off characteristics we'd like these friends to have. Made methink there could be a market for an online friend finder that is not of the romantic variety. Ha.

[disneysteve]

We're 26 and 31. The friendships we have now are all old high school friends. Despite the fact that we moved away for 5 years, we maintained contact but now were just starting to feel te strain of being in different places than they are.

I think that is totally normal. Much of our social life at that age was also high school and college friends. I had a group of college friends from theater who we got together with every summer for a pool party, every Christmas, every New Year's and a couple of other times throughout the year. That continue until our daughter was about 4 or 5 and then we all just drifted apart both geographically and socially because we got busy with life and raising our kids and it got too hard to get everyone together.

As I said, for us, the resurgence in friends has come from our synagogue. We aren't really involved in any other activities outside of there so that's what has worked for us and it's really only been the past couple of years for that even though we've been members there for 15 years. I guess we, and our friends, all had to get to this stage of life where it is no longer all about our kids.

[riverwed070707]

Well I suppose that makes me feel better but not optimistic that we'll find new friends soon

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Parent friends. Sounds boring but seriously the friends we have now are couples who have kids our DD age. I met them in parenting class. We still have our friends from work, school, etc, but we see them less, unless they have kids.

Mostly it's because it's hard to coordinate meeting up. Um dinner at 8 pm? Not going to happen. Movies at night? Not going to happen. It means getting a baby sitter which can happen but seriously two things, one we want private time alone together. So that means 2x sitter time. Second, getting energy to go out? It has to be a special reason, just going out every week isn't going to happen.

I wish it were easy.

[snafu]

We've moved to other cities several times and found new friends by joining a service club, and being an active member. We got to know neighbors by inviting them & their children for casual BBQ, driving kids & their friends to activities had us meeting parents with similar interests, professional club, volunteer activities, and colleagues all expand friendships. You do need to be pro-active as the 'new person/family' and pick one or two activities you like. If your child doesn't participate in team sports, the 3 of you can go to baseball/basketball games and cheer for the home team for example. Red Cross, Kiwanis, Kinsmen welcome new, young members. Newspapers usually have a page of 'Volunteers Needed' each week. Take an active role in HOA, Professional organizations often have breakfast meetings, join Toastmasters to enhance your public speaking skills as well as meeting new friends with similar interests. Your local community college will have dozens of evening programs whose participants are interested in meeting others with similar interests.

[disneysteve]

Parent friends. Sounds boring but seriously the friends we have now are couples who have kids our DD age.

Mostly it's because it's hard to coordinate meeting up. Um dinner at 8 pm? Not going to happen. Movies at night? Not going to happen. It means getting a baby sitter which can happen but seriously two things, one we want private time alone together. So that means 2x sitter time. Second, getting energy to go out? It has to be a special reason, just going out every week isn't going to happen.

I agree. When DD was young, DW and DD had a couple of playgroups and we sometimes got the families together but it almost always involved the kids playing together and the parents sitting around chatting a bit.

Another thing about that stage of life is it tends to be when you are focused on building your career. When DD was born, I had been in practice for 2 years. I was working 5 days/week, 2 nights/week, on call every other night and every other weekend and making rounds at 2 hospitals. I also had a boss who took 6 weeks vacation so about 1 week out of every 2 months, I was the sole provider 24/7 while he was away. Honestly, that didn't leave much time or energy or desire to go out with other people. When I was home, I wanted to see my wife and daughter and relax.

[PetMom]

There is a place called: Meetup.com which has a variety of interests people get together over, such as vegetarian, sports, hobbies, etc...

We have gotten to know most of our neighbors very well and this has been great and having game nights are fun and low cost.

Your Church is a great place also.

[YLTL_Dan]

It's so true that finding adult couple friends is like dating. So often my DW will have a female friend whose husband I can't stand, or the opposite. We moved to a new city but were lucky to find friends through work and friends-of-friends.

I have older friends and siblings who have had the same problem (young kids, hard to meet new people). As their kids have gotten invovled in schools activities/sports, they've found new friends there.

[riverwed070707]

There is a place called: Meetup.com which has a variety of interests people get together over, such as vegetarian, sports, hobbies, etc...

We have gotten to know most of our neighbors very well and this has been great and having game nights are fun and low cost.

Your Church is a great place also.

I like it! My area doesn't have a ton of groups but its a start! Thanks.

And I defintely agree that DD's friends parents will probably become friends of ours, but at 3 and in preschool theres not much to be involved in. I'm sure that will change over the next few years.

[cashfromcells]

I'm kinda in the same position as you....we are 29 and 26. It's a weird time in life because you have grown away from high school and college friends (like you said it is stressful maintaining contact)but don't quite fit in with the crowd at work. I chalk it up to being in a transition period, much in the same way I feel about my clothes. Am i at the age where i tuck in every shirt now lol? Part of growing up I guess

[riverwed070707]

I'm kinda in the same position as you....we are 29 and 26. It's a weird time in life because you have grown away from high school and college friends (like you said it is stressful maintaining contact)but don't quite fit in with the crowd at work. I chalk it up to being in a transition period, much in the same way I feel about my clothes. Am i at the age where i tuck in every shirt now lol? Part of growing up I guess

Wanna be friends? Lol

[cschin4]

I think there are different kinds of friends. You might have your close, call at 3 am anytime friends, drive through a blinding storm to get to your hospital bedside type of friends. And, i have one friend who has and would do absolutely that. I have some other friends who are "let's go for a walk or meet to exercise" type friends and others who i might invite over to play a board game, etc.
So, having children is a great way to get to know other parents. But, don't rule anyone out. You can have friends of all ages. Some of your older coworkers might be nice friends for some things and maybe you want younger friends for other things. And, not all friends are going to come in couples either. I guess i am saying to take them where you find them and for what they are. Also, trying getting out and joining some things, bowling leagues, church, etc and getting out and about. Join the PTA or Tball league or whatever your child is interested in , etc.