Men Who Are Not Handy

[bjl584]

Case in point, yesterday, it snowed. We have a sidewalk in front of the house that should be shoveled in the am as school kids walk past, etc. In the morning, I am getting the three kids ready for school, fed, drop my daughter at daycare and sons' to school. So, could he not at least shovel the sidewalk before he leaves? It isn't some huge deal. And, that isn't a question of being handy. I don't think I am being a nag when there are simply things that need done.

That has nothing to do with being handy. Anyone can use a shovel. That's just being lazy. You may need to motivate him to do the little things around the house. maybe a swift kick in the pants?

[cypher1]

I was just going to say; the more i read these responses, the more it sounds like venting for ones significant other being lazy. Recently I've been thinking maybe I should've bought a smaller fixer up house, but the other side says no. I'm not married, but I'd think with any home purchase, both parties would agree or have a say in the purchase. Realizing there may or may not be additional work involved down the road.

[cschin4]

OK, I guess I just needed to vent! I have no doubt of my own flaws and am sure I am not always a picnic to live with either!

[bjl584]

OK, I guess I just needed to vent! I have no doubt of my own flaws and am sure I am not always a picnic to live with either!

Nor am I. That's probably why I'm single at the moment.

[rj.phila]

my dad didnt teach me how to swing a hammer. i learned. you either want to or you dont. you either CARE, or you dont. i dont like broken s**t, thus, i learned to fix them.

[LuckyRobin]

I'm just curious as to whether or not you actually asked him to shovel the walk or just assumed he should do it? I think as females we are detail-oriented and often see that things need doing and so we do them, but men's brains are wired differently and they tend to think more towards the big picture than the day to day little things. My husband has what I like to refer to as male pattern blindness. He just doesn't see it (things that need doing), whereas if I say, "Honey, can you do this?" he'll jump right to it. He isn't lazy, he's just unmotivated to do it on his own. You might say, "Well, he's a grown up, he should automatically know that if it snows the walk needs shoveling," but you'll just end up not having it done by him and seething that he didn't somehow read your mind and know he should do it. Now if you did ask him and he still didn't do it, that's definitely laziness. As for the handiness issue, you either are or you aren't and you shouldn't be mad at him if he isn't.

[khosta]

I'll say it is definately better dating a handyman than a non. My boyfriend is very handy and makes me so happy!! I am not handy at all and to have someone who can build, fix about anything on a car and figure things out for himself is awesome!!! I can understand your frustration but he's not going to do anything he doesn't want to do...

[wincrasher]

A "handy" man is one who gets things done. Not one that whines about the way things are.

I can open a jar, hang a picture, change a tire, fix a leaky faucet, etc.

But when comes to electrical or plumbing - I can use a phone.

[Snodog]

I think it would make both your lives easier if you accept your husband for the way he is. There's no rule that says he has to be the handy one. I hate doing yardwork but enjoy doing laundry and our finances. My wife enjoys yardwork but loathes anything to do with money. So we each do what we like and are happy.

Not everyone can be good at everything. I am very smart at some things but just don't have a mechanical aptitude or interest. Whenever I try to fix something I just make it 10x worse, so now I just call someone. Luckily my wife has been very understanding and puts up with it. You sound like the prime candidate for either renting or a condo.

[irmanator]

I'm just curious as to whether or not you actually asked him to shovel the walk or just assumed he should do it? I think as females we are detail-oriented and often see that things need doing and so we do them, but men's brains are wired differently and they tend to think more towards the big picture than the day to day little things. My husband has what I like to refer to as male pattern blindness. He just doesn't see it (things that need doing), whereas if I say, "Honey, can you do this?" he'll jump right to it. He isn't lazy, he's just unmotivated to do it on his own. You might say, "Well, he's a grown up, he should automatically know that if it snows the walk needs shoveling," but you'll just end up not having it done by him and seething that he didn't somehow read your mind and know he should do it. Now if you did ask him and he still didn't do it, that's definitely laziness. As for the handiness issue, you either are or you aren't and you shouldn't be mad at him if he isn't.

Thanks for posting this, made me thing about things a little differently.

[MrPolarZero]

maybe he is not interested to do that task. Perhaps he's thinking of other ways to spend his time.

[Seeker]

I'm just curious as to whether or not you actually asked him to shovel the walk or just assumed he should do it? I think as females we are detail-oriented and often see that things need doing and so we do them, but men's brains are wired differently and they tend to think more towards the big picture than the day to day little things. My husband has what I like to refer to as male pattern blindness. He just doesn't see it (things that need doing), whereas if I say, "Honey, can you do this?" he'll jump right to it. He isn't lazy, he's just unmotivated to do it on his own. You might say, "Well, he's a grown up, he should automatically know that if it snows the walk needs shoveling," but you'll just end up not having it done by him and seething that he didn't somehow read your mind and know he should do it. Now if you did ask him and he still didn't do it, that's definitely laziness. As for the handiness issue, you either are or you aren't and you shouldn't be mad at him if he isn't.

The above is 100% truth. People of both genders tend to see only what they are concerned with at the moment... and obviously our "item" of concern is not usually known by our SO.

I also agree with some of the other postings here. There are some things that my man does well and some things that he does not.

And it's not always a fact of "lazy"; it's just may be a matter that he's not comfortable with doing a task that he has never done before.

Perfectionists are like this too. If it has to be done right, then he's not doing it -- and I cannot say that I blame him (because in reality I want it done right too).

Handiness is different from shoveling snow.

OP needs to ask her husband to do it; and then later find out why (from talking with him) he does not automatically think of doing it. She needs to understand his perspective and know how to communicate this job to him when he forgets about it.

She needs to find out from him whether or her asking him to shovel the snow is okay with him, or if he would prefer to learn the fact that "snow means shoveling" and put the two together such that his mind automatically thinks: "Oh gee, it snowed. Maybe I should shovel off the sidewalk?"