Help! Beyond saver/spender fight

[maat55]

[QUOTE]

Maat, I assume you have talked with your wife, and you TWO have come up with the best solution to your situation being you deal with the finances, and set the limits. It is not a dictatorship if you were given the control.QUOTE]

Believe me, there is no we in our financial plan. I creatively found a way to get 20% of our income going towards retirement and car fund. The other things like: paying for weddings and saving for general things, I have to do around her nickel and diming.

I regulate how the CC is used and how the invested funds get where they need to go. If I stop doing what I do to regulate, we would go backwards.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

It's not a big deal Maat. You got something that works. I wouldn't live like that, but it's good, I get that your wife doesn't mind. You guys have an agreement that works for you.

That's the most important thing. And with relationships that's all you can ask.

[jIM_Ohio]

[quote=maat55;203279]

Believe me, there is no we in our financial plan. I creatively found a way to get 20% of our income going towards retirement and car fund. The other things like: paying for weddings and saving for general things, I have to do around her nickel and diming.

I regulate how the CC is used and how the invested funds get where they need to go. If I stop doing what I do to regulate, we would go backwards.

We have something similar.

We have 3 joint accounts (2 checking, one savings).
One checking account gets the IRA and mortgage payments
The other account gets the other money
the savings account gets a little

The atm/debit card is only linked to ONE account (we can move money online between all 3). So I know the IRAs are funded and key bills will be paid. There are other reasons for splitting the accounts, but another story for another day.

When I find a way to save some money (like when gas prices went down, or when phone bill was removed from budget), I immediately change my direct deposit to send that money to savings- so the savings is captured and not spent.

Every 15 days the money in savings is put into a CD. This way the money is out of the account for good (with CDs maturing every 15 days, I do not worry about quick access to money).

[maat55]

[QUOTE=jIM_Ohio;203301]

We have something similar.

We have 3 joint accounts (2 checking, one savings).
One checking account gets the IRA and mortgage payments
The other account gets the other money
the savings account gets a little

The atm/debit card is only linked to ONE account (we can move money online between all 3). So I know the IRAs are funded and key bills will be paid. There are other reasons for splitting the accounts, but another story for another day.

When I find a way to save some money (like when gas prices went down, or when phone bill was removed from budget), I immediately change my direct deposit to send that money to savings- so the savings is captured and not spent.

Every 15 days the money in savings is put into a CD. This way the money is out of the account for good (with CDs maturing every 15 days, I do not worry about quick access to money).

I wish it were easier, but we do what works.

[Like2Plan]

I really resent being called a dictator LAL.

Maybe dictator is too harsh of a word. How about financial coach that controls all the money, that sounds more friendly.

[EEinNJ]

Maybe dictator is too harsh of a word. How about financial coach that controls all the money, that sounds more friendly.

Once again I'm reminded that so often it's just as much HOW you say something as WHAT you say. And that's what happened last night in discussing with my spouse the problems I mentioned above. I got through to her in a context she understood, without her getting defensive and reactive. And then she watched Suze's webinar

[disneysteve]

Once again I'm reminded that so often it's just as much HOW you say something as WHAT you say. And that's what happened last night in discussing with my spouse the problems I mentioned above. I got through to her in a context she understood, without her getting defensive and reactive. And then she watched Suze's webinar

Sounds like a promising development. Keep us posted on how things are going.

[kork13]

Once again I'm reminded that so often it's just as much HOW you say something as WHAT you say. And that's what happened last night in discussing with my spouse the problems I mentioned above. I got through to her in a context she understood, without her getting defensive and reactive. And then she watched Suze's webinar

First, that's great to hear. I'm glad you're able to work cooperatively toward getting things under control. One thing I might recommend is to make sure that anything she does related to this (watching a webinar, reading a book/article, etc.), is to do it with her. While you're watching it, or as you're reading the book, etc., you can engage in conversation about your personal situation, and talk about things that you both can do together to make progress.

[jIM_Ohio]

Once again I'm reminded that so often it's just as much HOW you say something as WHAT you say. And that's what happened last night in discussing with my spouse the problems I mentioned above. I got through to her in a context she understood, without her getting defensive and reactive. And then she watched Suze's webinar

My wife reminds me of this frequently. I have been married for 6 years (7 in August) and this is a skill which I forget frequently.

Took about 8 years for us to get on same page financially, but our goals, desires and ambitions are similar.

Our priorities for the goals are probably slightly off... but we both want the same things financially.

For example on priorities- my wife would prefer the mortgage be paid off with extra money before it is invested. I would prefer to invest more now and pay off mortgages later.

We have some other short term issues to deal with, I'll let you know how this one issue turns out in about 18 months.