New financial outlook...just me.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

DebbieL I agree about not having kids if you don't want them. And at 28 you have NO idea. Why? Because most of my friends are not 30+ and are still single. They aren't sure they want kids mostly because they are single! Catch 22.

They will decide when they meet mr/mrs right. Why? I don't know. Maybe because if they are single at 40, it won't be possible and they don't want to adopt. Maybe because at 40 they meet someone who does and they go through IVF. Maybe at 40 they will be stepparents.

I've realized that talking as a single person, you change a lot when you couple up. The sense of coupledom might be the reason. But it's what I've observed.

My brother did not want kids. Married a woman who did and they have 1. Compromised on it. She still wants more but he feels they are too old (late 30s).

I think that 28 and single is way to young to be adamant, unless you do something permenant. And there are always accidents. Someone on the WIR message board I read is pregnant because she took AB and it interfered with her BC. She said the pharmacist and doctor didn't mention and so hello baby!

So unless you are snipped or tubes tied (even then you can get pregnant, let my aunt tell you), then it's not a permenant or even 100% decision you've made. And men can get women pregnant even with a snip, my DH's coworker found out with #3.

So I think ScrimpandSave should plan what she wants now based on her feelings now. But ask why does she want a huge house for a single person? Or a huge house for a couple? And if she doesn't want kids, why not just get a tubal ligation at 28? Or is she just saying she doesn't want kids now, but will leave the door open?

If you really don't want kids you prevent it from happening permenently, at least that what people who really don't want them tell me.

And also on the WIR message board a woman on there at 23 had her tubes tied specifically because she didn't want kids. And she tells other women, there are always accidents and she REALLY didn't want kids.

[Well Spent]

I really don't want to find a new relationship. I want to focus on getting established 100% on my own...then if something happens in the romance department - great. If not, fine.

In my opinion, you ARE established. Just keep doing what your'e doing, saving and moving up in your career.

Of course your not thinking of guys right now, but in a few weeks you'll begin healing mentally and emotionally. I hope you do find someone when you're ready. Life without sex and romantic companionship can be unbearable for all but the most reclusive and asexual people.

[Well Spent]

On the same note as LAL-

kids are AWESOME.

I come home from work everyday both before and after having kids.
The wife sometimes might alknowledge me when I walk into house.
My twin boys light up their faces when they see daddy.
My wife looks relieved she has help.

The kids want to see me more than my wife...
sometimes kids can be a good thing. LOL.

That's great. I love toddlers. That stage passes so quickly, unfortunately. Adolescents can be extremely challenging to live with and love. Not to mention adult children!

For anyone having doubts, it's best to heed them. It sucks to see families with one parent who reluctantly had kids. They may rise to the occasion and be transformed into a doting, loving parent who can't imagine life any other way, or can be absent/neglectful/abusive if resent them. Having kids is not a gamble worth taking if you're not excited about it from the get go.

Also, some posters are saying "you might change your mind". Just as a person may change his mind about becoming a parent, people often change their minds about being a spouse. The only constant is change. None of us know of we will still have a spouse next year. The point is all of us can only plan the future based on our current desires about the future.

[DebbieL]

I agree 1000% Well Spent. The teenage years feel like your "child" has been abducted by aliens and some other life form that still resembles them physically has been left in their place, lol. I love her, but...

PS - And my kid isn't even a "bad" kid. I'm one of the lucky ones. I know some people who are going through absolute NIGHTMARE situations with their teens. Really, really bad stuff. Who knows why one kid turns out that way and another doesn't? One lady I know had 2 and the one is likely to send her to an early grave she is such a problem (living on the streets now and hooking last I heard). Her older sister never caused any crap, and they were both raised in the same environment, etc. You just never know.

I now return this thread back to the topic at hand (and my apologies to Scrimpandsave for taking it so far off).

[ScrimpAndSave]

Debbie...no prob...these threads have been great therapy for me.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Debbie what if you want your child abducted by aliens? :P Does that make you a bad parent?

[m3racer]

Yea...I do like kids but I love the idea of owning my own time and money.

+10000000

[ScrimpAndSave]

m3racer that made me laugh out loud!

[m3racer]

m3racer that made me laugh out loud!

Anything to keep you smiling.

[Well Spent]

And there are always accidents. Someone on the WIR message board I read is pregnant because she took AB and it interfered with her BC. She said the pharmacist and doctor didn't mention and so hello baby!

So unless you are snipped or tubes tied (even then you can get pregnant, let my aunt tell you), then it's not a permenant or even 100% decision you've made. And men can get women pregnant even with a snip, my DH's coworker found out with #3.

I thought it was common knowledge that antibiotics negate the effectiveness of hormonal birth control methods.

Anyone who is having sex solely for pleasure and does not want to procreate should use TWO birth control methods (example, the Pill and condom simultaneously). (I see the results of kids who were born to parents who didn't want them or who are indifferent to parenthood. It's devastating). We all need to remember that our bodies are designed to reproduce. You need to be vigilant about preventing pregnancy until you want to have them.

I just found out today at work that a woman is pregnant with her 3rd kid despite her husband's desire to stop procreating at 2 kids. She made the decision on her own and hope he "comes around to it". I'm astounded that people do this to their partners. She is not nice to begin with so maybe he's not as shocked as I am. He should be wearing condoms. Especially if there was disagreement about family size. You can't fully trust ANYONE 100%. You have to protect yourself.

[Investing First Steps]

It's startling to see how differently some people view children. It can go anywhere from "status symbol", to "no big deal" to "life changing event" (probably the most realistic.) It's also an interesting insight into people's views that someone would think it was okay to "trick" their husband into having a child.

[DebbieL]

It's been happening since the beginning of time. Nothing new there. A guy better get "snipped" if he truly doesn't want anymore. And check to make sure it worked.

[jIM_Ohio]

It's been happening since the beginning of time. Nothing new there. A guy better get "snipped" if he truly doesn't want anymore. And check to make sure it worked.

How does one check? Have sex with 10 random fertile women and make sure none of them get pregnant?

[DebbieL]

Was that a serious question? If so, they do tests at 2 and 3 months out from the surgery to make sure you are infertile.

[jIM_Ohio]

I did not know-
have the surgery
wait 3 months
then resume

That might be a LONG 3 months for some...
many cold showers I assume