Having Children Too Soon Will Make You Poor

[FrugalFish]

But Trex, what about circumstances changing? I've been financially secure, followed by being unemployed for a long period of time, followed by being homeless, followed by being financially secure again. I would never in my wildest dreams have imagined that stuff in the middle. Unless someone is financially independent, they are never 100% financially secure. Job loss, injury, illness- these things happen. Great if you are covered with some kind of insurance, but even then, there can be a significant change in lifestyle.

I would argue your point further though in saying that even someone who's "poor" might be penny wise enough to provide well for their children's needs. I've known a number of people who make a good salary, but put their wants above their kids needs. There are a lot more facets here than saying you need $XXX before you should have kids.

[trex]

But Trex, what about circumstances changing? I've been financially secure, followed by being unemployed for a long period of time, followed by being homeless, followed by being financially secure again. I would never in my wildest dreams have imagined that stuff in the middle. Unless someone is financially independent, they are never 100% financially secure. Job loss, injury, illness- these things happen. Great if you are covered with some kind of insurance, but even then, there can be a significant change in lifestyle.

I would argue your point further though in saying that even someone who's "poor" might be penny wise enough to provide well for their children's needs. I've known a number of people who make a good salary, but put their wants above their kids needs. There are a lot more facets here than saying you need $XXX before you should have kids.

Did I ever say you needed $XXX before you should have kids? No, I specifically said that you should be in a financially secure situation where you are spending less than you make and are able to save.

Life happens. There is always a chance that the unexpected will happen. I never said don't live life unless things are perfect. Things will never be perfect. All I said that if you are in debt when you have kids, you are most likely going to remain in debt. That's the way life works. If you don't have debt and you have been able to save a bit, that doesn't mean it's going to be easy. In fact, life will throw you plenty of curves since it does everyone. But you have a much better chance of moving beyond being poor than if you started off in debt.

Look, I know what I'm saying isn't politically correct. That doesn't mean it's wrong.

[cs1992]

I wouldn't say that age is the problem. I would say that the number of children you have is more of an inhibitor to financial success. One child is expensive and the costs go up significantly with each additional dependent.

[maat55]

I had kids at 21 and i'm not poor. I was in my early 40's when they went to college. There's advantages in any senario, I wouldn't change a thing.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

benefits and debt to all. But no life is without sacrifice.

One thing though I think about having kids early, is the potential to not be in a stable, committed relationships. I noticed that Cicy33 said at 17 a single mom. Not a bad thing, but perhaps life would have been better if she had been in a stable relationship and able to share the burden.

That being said, kids are a huge pressure on a relationship. SO it's probably a bad idea to have kids when you are struggling with debt, in an unstable or uncommitted relationship.

[maat55]

I will concede, that the optimal time to have children would be from 25 to 30, and after being married for three or more years. But I still would not change a thing in my past.

[pearlieq]

Some people (and I think it's really to their and society's detriment) find it abbhorent to think or talk about kids in terms of money.

My opinion is the children are luxury purchases and should be treated as such. I don't believe they are a "right". They are a responsibility and should be undertaken only when one is confident they can be supported in an acceptable manor WITHOUT government aid.

Government aid is there to protect for the unexpected and I'm all for it, but I think it would be wrong to plan a pregnancy knowing you would need aid to support the child.

"Acceptable manor" is a vague term. My definition is that they have a decent, stable residence (doesn't need to be big or fancy, just warm and habitable.), healthy food in their bellies, and appropriate clothes (again, not fancy, just warm and functional). Everything else is gravy.

If someone is confident they can provide a decent home, food, and clothes, I don't see anything wrong with having children, whatever age they might be.

I do believe, in general, that it's best to delay having kids until at least the mid-late 20's. Older parents are often more financially secure, in more reliable relationships, and generally more mature. However, this is not always the case, and millons of folks have kids young and things turn out just fine.

[simpleyme]

I had children early and bough my first home at 18 I would say that had I not had so much responsibility so young my finances would not be where they are today

it was someone on another forum that said something I thought was funny and true
"if there is a silver lining to teen pregnancy it is that you are still young when your kids leave the nest "

we always supported our kids and they are cheaper to raise when you have less money, when you are older you have the money to buy them everything ,watching my friends this seems to ring true the more money you have the more you will needlessly spend on your kids ;-)

with all that said I agree that mid twenties or so married for a few years and set in your career would be the ideal time to plan for children

[Scanner]

Cicy,

You make us feel so old - you are 40 and having your first grandchild. I turn 40 later this year and our 3rd child will be born in June (we will still be 39).

Truthfully, my wife is a bit jealous of Jamie Lynn Spears. She doesn't feel like she should be having a baby at 39 y.o.

A lot of this depends on the religious beleifs too. The Catholic Church for instance, beleives the sole reason for marriage to exist is to pro-create, finaances be damned (no pun intended).

So marriage at 21, followed by 8 kids is a life devoted to God.

[PrincessPerky]

Some people (and I think it's really to their and society's detriment) find it abhorrent to think or talk about kids in terms of money.

My opinion is the children are luxury purchases and should be treated as such. I don't believe they are a "right". They are a responsibility and should be undertaken only when one is confident they can be supported in an acceptable manor WITHOUT government aid.

Government aid is there to protect for the unexpected and I'm all for it, but I think it would be wrong to plan a pregnancy knowing you would need aid to support the child.

"Acceptable manor" is a vague term. My definition is that they have a decent, stable residence (doesn't need to be big or fancy, just warm and habitable.), healthy food in their bellies, and appropriate clothes (again, not fancy, just warm and functional). Everything else is gravy.

If someone is confident they can provide a decent home, food, and clothes, I don't see anything wrong with having children, whatever age they might be.

I do believe, in general, that it's best to delay having kids until at least the mid-late 20's. Older parents are often more financially secure, in more reliable relationships, and generally more mature. However, this is not always the case, and millions of folks have kids young and things turn out just fine.

I agree wtih everything up till the age bit...age is just a number..it is a lousy choice to determine when a person should read, lousy to determine when a person should be able to balance a checkbook, or support themselves, and a lousy factor to determine the age of procreation.

Now there can be some general statements...for example statistically healthy children walk around 1...so if you have a 3 year old who can't walk, you prolly have a problem (therapy can do wonders). Statistically the womans body is not able to support a fetus safely before about 18...so having a kid much earlier is usually trouble for the baby's health. same goes for much older women (not sure the top statistical healthy age though)

And statistically if you cannot support yourself before you get pregnant, you prolly wont be able to support the kid either! As to what age that happens..no clue. We all know folk in their 30s or 40s who cannot make ends meet. Age is nothing but a number.

My biggest issue with folks having kids early is that whole idea that marriage is only for having kid, humph. I do love my kids, but I know not all folks need nor want kids. I also love my chocolate, not everyone wants that either.

[atomicrc11]

I'm at a stage where I've been married for just over a year, and we are not planning on having kids for another couple years. We want to get settled into our marriage, find a good place to live and to get settled into careers. Even with all that planning and taking proper precautions, we could end up with a child earlier and I accept that. But definitely being married for a period is good idea, otherwise it may be too much to handle at once.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

PP, I agree about not everyone wanting kids. For some reason we're very unusual in our circle of friends for wanting kids. I am 28, DH is 30. And we're happy to be having kids sometime in the 2-3 years.

MOST of our friends think we're too young! But they reason? They aren't even married at 30. So problem? Not having a working relationship.

I think a bad idea to rush and get pregnant after getting married. It's a bad idea all around, or getting married because you got pregnant is an even worse idea.

Sigh. I've come to the conclusion a lot of people who I work with and are older, are getting divorced because they rushed into marriage to have kids, but then turns out they didn't really like the person they married, but really wanted children.

Yikes. What's the point? To end up divorced after 2 kids?

[sweeps]

Not sure if anyone else touched on this point, but there is a hidden disadvantage of having kids later. Young children take a lot of your time, attention and energy (or at least they should). Either explicitly or implicitly this takes a hit to your career. It would be better theoretically to have that hit happen early in the low-earning phase of your career than at the peak-earning phase of your career, no?

[tripods68]

I think in general we all would all agree that having kids is not like "walk to the park" type parenting. I would suggest parents that plan to have kids should be prepared financially and emotionally ready. Kids are expensive, when you think about the cost of diapers, food, clothing, birthdays, family vacations, gas, summer camp, back to school shopping, college savings, health care, dental, etc no one would claim financially secure or "I'm ready to have kids". You approach it head on like any other life-chaning events. I don't know anyone in my family or friends that have the "start up cost" (at least $100K per child) for a child without incurring any type of debt, except wealthy couple. But I do agree for us to be financially secure, we need at least $100K per child. Think about it. This is how people are ask about retirement all the time. Can you afford to retire? How is your asset allocation? We need to have at least 1.8 Million. Nowhere do you ask your wife or husband first before deciding to have a child, "honey how much it cost to have a child? We ask this question appropriately when we are ready to retire. But it seems silly to suggest that a couple in their late 20s or 30s would be financially ready to have a child when it takes a lifetime of marriage, maybe few divorces, after mortgage is paid and kids leaves the house, when people start responding like, "yes honey, we reached our financial goals, let's retire".

The reality is couple decide to have kids when they feel they are ready, even without considering their finances. We certainly didn't plan a baby right-a-way. But we adjusted our lives to raise our baby. We bought our house first, a wedding followed, and having a baby in the order. It wasn't easy but doable nonetheless because we other family support. Now we have 2 kids and we are doing ok financially. Part of being married is the possibility of having a child sooner than you think you might be ready. We were prepared for the unknown and so having a stable jobs for both of us is so important. Its easy to suggest or to make strong opinions about couples not attaining "financially security" status before having a child after the fact. But in reality, couples almost always fall short of their expectation in this arena. It works in theory but not enough in reality.

Just my .02 cents.

[Dixiechick]

I have nothing against having children, but I think that you are doing a disservice to your finances when you have children young and you don't have your finances in order. Having children cost a lot of money. A huge amount and if you don't have your finances in order before you have children, you are going to have huge problems later in life because you will always be poor.

Think of it this way. Look at the people that say having kids when you're young is good. They are almost always poor. Kids cost a ton and when you have a child, you are committing yourself to live at the current lifestyle and even below. Any extra money will go to diapers and other kid costs. If you have debt, you're going to keep debt and probably increase it.

There is nothing wrong with having kids. Just don't have them until you have your finances in order and save yourself a lot of stress and fights. Will your survive when you have kids when you're young? Sure, but you will survive without any money.

Not so in my case. I was young when I started with my kids - a sophomore in college. It just made me buckle down and study/work harder. I had student loans, Pell Grants and scholarships to get me through it all - of course, hubby worked minimum wage job. But, once I graduated and got a job, it's been up hill since. Hubby went back to school and then got a better paying job. I'm in the upper middle class, my daughter is in college and my son's future college tuition is paid for as well as funding a 529. We're not hurting nor have we been in debt because we had kids at 20 instead of 30.

Maybe that's not the norm, but that's what I have seen many people around me do as well.