Wedding Etiquette?

[rob62521]

DisneySteve, you are one smart cookie!

[luvnspnful]

I was just at (in the wedding actually) last weekend, and gave cash. $50 USD. The bride and groom are going to CA for their honeymoon, and I liked the idea of helping them out with their spending money. LOL the bride actually compained to me that some of her guests only gave $20-40. I gently reminded her that it was the thought that counts, half those people didnt even attend the wedding, and she had never registered anywhere. She was lucky to get anything at all! The entire bridal party was from out-of-town, and out of pocket, so I thought $50 was a decent gift- after I had already shelled out $800 for my travel expenses.

Registries are fine, as long as you make them realistic and cost-conscious for every budget.

[boefixepa]

Well, just having gone through a wedding, as the bride, it is VERY much a learning experience. I registered for so much stuff to give people options, I really did NOT think I would get almost everything I registered for!!! Also, I am grateful for everything I received!! There were soooo many people that I didn't know, friends of my husbands family etc., people I knew only casually(church people), that came and gave a little. Lots of little adds up so I am amazed at how much I did receive. I am still writing thank you cards!! and it's been two months!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

On the WIR message board I read, one bridezilla (Mrs Peck), was complaining about the gifts she recieved from her guests. That she got multiple gifts because they didn't check the registry. She felt she should have just asked for cash.

I just cringed reading it. She said it was horrible and terrible experience. And she was tired of returning things. She was upset over people giving such cheap gifts.

What the heck???? She sounded like an ungrateful b*(@!. I can't believe people are like this.

[rob62521]

OK, I've got a new complaint...we received a wedding invitation yesterday. I'm not complaining about receiving it, but we aren't really sure who the couple is. We think it might be my husband's aunt's granddaughter, but since the invitation does not list the parents' names, this makes it difficult. Plus, there is no RSVP. I looked up a local store where it was mailed from and saw there's a registry, but not sure where to send the gift and not sure who to contact. I emailed the person I think is the father, but not sure! What a mess!

As for Livingalmostlarge's story, I guess that's not uncommon after reading some of the stuff on the etiquette hell site. I know we got married years ago and when I registered, I registered for a variety to things, most of them $20 or less, many were under $10. Most of my friends didn't have big money to spend on wedding gifts. I had some of my grandmother's kitchen items so I filled in. I guess getting married because you want to spend your life with the person takes the back seat to the gimme gene with some folks.

[disneysteve]

we received a wedding invitation yesterday. I'm not complaining about receiving it, but we aren't really sure who the couple is. We think it might be my husband's aunt's granddaughter, but since the invitation does not list the parents' names, this makes it difficult. Plus, there is no RSVP.

There is no RSVP? How are you supposed to indicate whether or not you will be attending? How can they have a wedding and not know how many people are coming? Sounds like they left something out... along with identifying themselves. I guess I'd be making some phone calls to family to try and figure out whose wedding it is.

[Fern]

Being anti-consumer-oriented, i really dislike the whole 'register for your wedding' concept. I understand it can make it easier for someone who has absolutely no idea what to get you, but i don't like the presumption behind it.

I'm not married, and i don't think i would register if i did.

[Gruntina]

My husband and I at first did not register for our wedding in May of this year. He was totally against it because he thought "Registering was 'asking' for a gift. He rather receives bad/no gifts then to ask for one.

So we did not register... I was surprise that a lot of people asked me directly if I registered. I say no. Some of them were upset by it but I let it go. Then some people repeatedly tell me they worked hard for their money and really wanted to get us something that we can use and want.

About one month before the wedding, my husband and I caved in after some serious response from our guests. But we told no one about it and a few quests managed to find out and used it.

In the end, I am glad I did use the registry because we got some dinnerware and flatware’s which we really needed. We got a lot of cash too but that could be easily put away in savings or the like. Now when I use my dinnerware and flatware, I can always say I got it from my wedding.

Now it makes me think... I do not think guest really give you money with the intention that you were going to spend it on bills, savings and etc.

Just a thought.

[Fern]

I guess it's different if you are marrying in your 20s, but if you married later in life, then what i would do is throw a big party, make sure everyone important in your life is there, and then surprise everyone by announcing that your getting married and that they are there to help you celebrate! So no pressure to get gifts for already-established people who mostly have everything they need. No one has to go all out and buy a dress or outfit they're not going to wear often and everyone can just relax and enjoy themselves.

[rob62521]

There is no RSVP? How are you supposed to indicate whether or not you will be attending? How can they have a wedding and not know how many people are coming? Sounds like they left something out... along with identifying themselves. I guess I'd be making some phone calls to family to try and figure out whose wedding it is.

Well, after a few emails, I finally tracked down the dad of the bride. He said there was no RSVP because they assumed everyone was coming! Talk about pressure! Granted, they aren't having a dinner, just Hors d'oeuvres, but I would think they would prefer to know how many as well.