Wedding Etiquette?

[rob62521]

I was reading a site about etiquette mistakes, and one section talks about howmany couples have the gimme, gimme syndrome. One in particular said that the wedding registry "professionals" are partially to blame because they encourage people to register for 3 gifts per guest to "give them a choice." Anyone out there worked with a wedding registry pro and found that to be true?

If you want to read some of these mistakes, here's the site:

Etiquette Hell Gimme, Gimme Jan-Jun 2005 Archive

[project15]

We didn't actually count out 3 possible gifts per person, we just went to Target and bed bath and beyond and scanned what we would need for after we got married. Most people gave cash anyways which I liked better since it started out emergency fund.

[disneysteve]

We didn't use any type of wedding planner or "professional" so I have no idea what they recommend. We just registered for the items we hoped to get. The number of items we put on our registry had nothing to do with the number of people invited to the affair. We did try to make sure there was a range of prices of items on our registry.

[sweeps]

Registering can be a bit tricky actually. You want to make sure you've registered for enough things so everyone who wants to buy you a gift has something to choose from. But at the same time there are certain things that you really really want and things that would just be "nice to have". If you register for too much, you might not get those more desirable items.

[marjorie]

My nephew is getting married, and I noticed that on one of the two sites they registered at you can give an idea of how much you want the item. Appeared to be a scale from 1-5.

[disneysteve]

My nephew is getting married, and I noticed that on one of the two sites they registered at you can give an idea of how much you want the item. Appeared to be a scale from 1-5.

That's a neat feature. I've never seen that, though it's been quite a while since I had the occasion to look at a bridal registry.

Of course, one might ask why a couple would put items on their registry that they rate low. And I think guests would feel kind of odd buying items the couple rated low.

[rob62521]

My nephew is getting married, and I noticed that on one of the two sites they registered at you can give an idea of how much you want the item. Appeared to be a scale from 1-5.

I agree with Disney Steve, that is a neat feature. Maybe the scale is not something low, but how badly something is needed. Pretty cool, nonetheless.

[pearlieq]

Of course, one might ask why a couple would put items on their registry that they rate low. And I think guests would feel kind of odd buying items the couple rated low.

That's a good point. Who wants to present the "1" items to the bride and groom?

It is a cool idea, though. Maybe they could get around that problem by making it a binary system--you could somehow star or highlight the items you're really keen to get, and then rest could just be general registry items.

[DayByDay]

This past year we got invited to the wedding of someone who's from a family with plenty of money. I perused their gift registry online and could not believe all the ridiculously expensive items that were on the list. The only affordable option we had was to get two washcloths, and I could not believe how expensive they were! There was no way I was going to show up with a gift of two washcloths. We ended up deciding not to go to the wedding at all.

[disneysteve]

This past year we got invited to the wedding of someone who's from a family with plenty of money. I perused their gift registry online and could not believe all the ridiculously expensive items that were on the list.

This happened to us once, also. The registry had things like $500 bed sheet sets, $75 bath towels, high end cookware, etc. I don't recall exactly what we gave them, but it was probably some nice piece of Lenox china that we picked up at the outlet store. Either that or a check so they could buy their own towel.

[Gruntina]

I was reading a site about etiquette mistakes, and one section talks about howmany couples have the gimme, gimme syndrome. One in particular said that the wedding registry "professionals" are partially to blame because they encourage people to register for 3 gifts per guest to "give them a choice." Anyone out there worked with a wedding registry pro and found that to be true?

If you want to read some of these mistakes, here's the site:

Etiquette Hell Gimme, Gimme Jan-Jun 2005 Archive

I just got married May of this year! I was often on theknot.com and they did recommend registering 2-3 gifts per guest. Even though I know this is a marketing strategy but the idea of recommending the to-be-wed couples to use this strategy is to offer all the price range for each guests so some are not stuck with the more expensive left over’s if they wanted to purchase at the registry. But some registry professional also recommend not to register for anything under $50 which I personally think is absurd.

[disneysteve]

some registry professional also recommend not to register for anything under $50 which I personally think is absurd.

I agree that doesn't make sense for a few reasons.

The registry gets used for shower gifts as well as wedding gifts and most people don't spend as much on the shower gifts.

Sometimes people like to put together a few lower-priced, related items as their gift. Like maybe several kitchen or bathroom items.

Sometimes people want to give money but also a small gift so there is something to open besides an envelope. Or maybe combine something on the registry with something else that isn't on the registry.

And, of course, there may be people for whom $50 is just too much to spend on a gift.

[boefixepa]

I too just got married and when I registered I made sure there were many, many items that were on the less expensive side. I knew there were many people I was inviting who could not afford expensive gifts. I also made sure that I could exchange any items on my registary for cash. I ended up getting SO much stuff that I didn't have room for it all in my already full kitchen (granted I was well established before marriage so I wasn't starting from scratch). I am so glad that I did bed bath and beyond. I ended up taking back $500 worth of stuff and having them send me a check. I still don't understand how I got three of something I only wanted one of???? But anyway you look at it I've decided, cash is just best. Give them what you can afford and want to. It makes your life easier and their life easier.

[rob62521]

I've looked at registries where the cheapest item is $100 and we didn't know these folks THAT well. My favorite was my hair dresser -- she and hubby who was blue collar (don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with that), but every item on her list was either linen, crystal, and silver. I know she wanted nice things, but would one have time to iron the linen, and polish the silver every day? We sent cash.

[disneysteve]

I ended up getting SO much stuff that I didn't have room for

I ended up taking back $500 worth of stuff and having them send me a check.

I still don't understand how I got three of something I only wanted one of????

Was that all stuff you had registered for? If so, why did you get stuff you didn't need or have room for?

As for getting 3 of something, that happened to us also. We registered at Macy's and received 4 crockpots. We checked with Macy's to find out how that happened and it turned out that all 4 were actually purchased on the same day and their registry only got updated once a day at the end of the day. What were the odds of that?

I've looked at registries where the cheapest item is $100 ... We sent cash.

Certainly, there is no rule saying you have to buy a gift listed on the registry. Nothing wrong with cash/check or selecting some other gift you think the couple would appreciate.

Also, there is no rule saying you have to buy the registry items at that store if you can find them cheaper someplace else. We often check the registry but actually buy the gift at a factory outlet store, especially for Lenox, Mikasa, Pfaltzgraff and a few other companies. One time, with the wine glasses our friend was registered for, we would have only been able to give them 2 if we shopped where they were registered. By going to the outlet, we were able to give them 6 and still spend less than we would have for 2 at the registry store.