Is staying home with the kids high risk behavior?

[Fern]

On this morning's Today show they interviewed the author of a new book that talks about how so many women who choose to quit their jobs and stay home with their kids is a high risk behavior that could put them in financial jeopardy years down the road.

That's becus with the high rate of divorce and the good chances that at some point in his career one's husband may be come disabled (or worse).

The author said that too many women have too willingly surrendered all control over theire financial well-being and are mortgaging their future.

Also discussed was the reality of ageism and the difficulties of re-entering the workforce after being absent for even a few years.

I thought the topic was very provocative and an interesting take on things, especially in an age when many young women seem to have forgotten how hard women before them fought to get equality in the workplace, etc.

What do you think?

[pearlieq]

There are risks and rewards to any financial decision, and unfortunately this is one people have trouble looking at with a completely rational perspective.

The problem with disucssing this is that soon enough a poster will come along and brandish the whole "I'm doing the most important job in the world and I could never understand how a woman could leave her children and let them be raised by a daycare, blah, blah, blah."

And then it stops being a financial discussion and devolves into the never-ending "who is better" discussion which goes nowhere and helps no one.

Women do take a risk when they make themselves completely dependent on someone else for their livelihood. It may be a risk they feel is worth taking, but it is a risk.

However there is no reason for any woman, whether she has kids or not, whether she works or stays home, to be financially ignorant or to lack control over the family money.

[Scanner]

I think you are right - that the issue gets polarized between the "Daycare is evil" and "You don't care about your kids."

I think the compromise is that women should probably continue to work at least part time, if possible in their chosen profession if they choose to stay at home to raise kids. Maybe pick up another skill during the child-rearing years that will expedite their reabsorption into the workforce.

A good standby in most careers is a second language - if you are bi- or tri-lingual, no matter what you do, seems to go a long way, screw the lack of experience working.

This is a good reason too and one that many men don't understand why the woman gets half in a divorce - it's because they've given so much up.

However, what's good for the goose. . .is good for the gander.

Many men who have stayed home and participated in raising the kids, not making as much money as the mom could be entitled to alimony upon a split. Many women (and society) feel uncomfortable with a woman paying alimony and/or child support.

But it's only what divorced men have had to face upon a split marriage - the support of two households and little to no say in how the other household is run.

I think it's good that both sexes are experiencing the fact that "bread provision" and "stay-at-home" both have their glories and their pitfalls. I know for a stay-at-home mom who's bored, it's easy to think it's all fun and games in the workplace, but it isn't.

[zetta]

What was the name of the book?

I think this is a very valid point -- there are serious risks and opportunity costs to taking an interruption in your professional career that are usually glossed over in the work vs stay-at-home debate. The Price of Motherhood is an excellent book that describes these risks and costs.

I'd like to see the next wave of feminism (or however they want to rebrand it) address the needs of mothers, both working and SAHM, and their children. As a society, we need to move to a place where it is possible and even common for a parent to work part time or take sabatical for several years, and still be able to advance in their chosen careers. (While also supporting and protecting those women whose chosen career is to stay home permanently.) I'm at home full-time with my toddler now, but ideally would like to be working 10 hours a week from home now and to have a "mommy-track" job for 6 hours a day when he starts kindergarten. I'd also like to have work in line with my capabilities, and not be given the "scut" work just because of working part-time. Currently such arrangements are very ad hoc and dependent on having personal connections to a supportive manager -- I can't just go surf monster.com and find such a situation. I didn't want to work at all for the first year, and so will pay the price in difficulty resuming work later.

[fairy74]

I saw this too. I think that it raises a good point, whether you agree with the premise or not. WOMEN MUST BE FULLY INFORMED ABOUT THE DECISIONS THEY ARE MAKING. Whatever they decide after being fully informed is fine, but just going one way or the other on emotion or blind reliance on someone else is not wise.

[tinapbeana]

while i agree with fairy's statement, i would just change it to "PARENTS MUST BE FULLY INFORMED" etc because i think this affects stay at home dad's just as much (if not more) as SAHMs. anytime anyone takes an extended leave from the working world, whether willingly or not, it makes it that much hard to re-enter the job force down the road.

just to throw some suggestions out: perhaps the stay at home years would be the perfect time to start a business, continue education, begin teaching yourself a skill such as a second language/webdesign/ etc. something to keep your skills sharp and continue to provide you with a non-family network of support. not saying a family support network is bad, mind you, just that the odds of knowing someone who knows someone who has a job opening are better when you associate with more and more people...

[PetMom]

this is a hot topic and commonly called mommy wars. It is the cause
celebre and many writers, moms and feminists are going at it.

All have valid points I think.

I also have read about the female elderly and how so many
live at the poverty level.

If a woman does stay at home she does have options to better
herself, as the above poster just stated.

One can use their spare time in betering themselves for the future
or starting a business, or studying financial topics (eg saving and
investing).

[Duchesse]

The author makes a valid point in that surrender of ones finances is mortgaging ones future. There are "realities" in life. Some are harder to get around or even talk about than others.


IMO I think risk management and money management are in order for everyone.


"Realities" of life, make saving, investing, and maintaining separate accounts a must for man or woman.

[fairy74]

I agree with Tina's statement, I was just pointing out that women tend to be the ones who do this just based on emotion, without really looking at and weighing the consequences. Stay at home dads face many of the same issues, but I think men are better socialized to consider money and are taught how to weigh options more rationally, then women are (generally, although everyone is different). My father (who suprisingly was very old school Mexican) told me to always make enough money to support myself and any children I had, just in case. He saw his father die when he was 14 years old, and my grandmother (who thankfully had a head for business and wasn't afraid of hard work) had to raise six boys on her own.

[nanamom]

I agree it is a large financial risk to stay home with your kids. My sister is looking for a job that will "make money" instead of the jobs she has worked part time while being mostly an at home Mommy. I didn't have the heart to remind her that her degree is from the 70's and she will reach retirement age in a decade. I will be very surprised if she gets a "good" job. I have often wondered what I will do if (God forbid) something were to happen to my DH. Yes we have insurance so that I can continue to raise our little one as a stay at home Mommy but I'm not sure it will last the number of years I will be living (God willing) I guess I could end up trying to live on whatever is left of the SS system. However, I have decided that is the best choice fo rour little one and am willing to accept the consequences of the decision. I'm not sure others realize (including my sister) that these things are distinct possibilities.

[jIM_Ohio]

On this morning's Today show they interviewed the author of a new book that talks about how so many women who choose to quit their jobs and stay home with their kids is a high risk behavior that could put them in financial jeopardy years down the road.

That's becus with the high rate of divorce and the good chances that at some point in his career one's husband may be come disabled (or worse).

The author said that too many women have too willingly surrendered all control over theire financial well-being and are mortgaging their future.

Also discussed was the reality of ageism and the difficulties of re-entering the workforce after being absent for even a few years.

I thought the topic was very provocative and an interesting take on things, especially in an age when many young women seem to have forgotten how hard women before them fought to get equality in the workplace, etc.

What do you think?

A male's perspective and from a financial perspectice is I agree- Financially speaking.

A person's #1 asset is their earning power- once a person loses their ability to work and earn a wage, their options for income, spending and quality of living are extremely limited.

To choose to ignore the earning power (and stay at home) means a person is losing money/ financial security/ financial well being for a social gain (there are benefits to staying at home with kids, but most of those benefits have more to do with social benefits, IMO than economic ones).

[Staceyy]

The stay at home moms I know, are so skillful at stretching a dollar, and recognizing whats really improtant in life, that they don't need to earn as much as the rest of us.

[boefixepa]

A very interesting topic indeed. I find it odd how any stay at home mom would not know what is going on with the money....lol. I say this because to me, becuase it was how I was raised, mom did all the money! Dad just handed over the pay check to mom. Mom paid the bills and ran the household. Not that either are very money savvy, but I grew up thinking that the women handled all the money. I've learned differently.

As I see it I don't think a mother staying home HAS to effect her, but it can if she allows it. I also think if a couple has enough foresight they can plan for the difference in income, get necessary insurances, and make sure the women completes her education, and maintaines it. I SPECIFICALLY choose my field of study baised on how easily I could get in and out of the field, work from home, and still make good money. I NEVER intended to work in the field for 10 years before actually getting married, but the reason I choose the field still apply. I new I wanted to stay home with my kids and planned accordingly.

I've also been learning the entire time how to be the best stay at home mom I could. Learning how to cook great meals on a small budget, being handy around the house to avoid costly service calls, and any other way to spend less.

I do believe that the work a mother does is priceless, you can't put a dollar value on it. However, it can and often does, limit the actual dollar value of income and unforseen divorces and disabilities do cause problems.

Knowledge is power, know what is going on and have plans as different out comes.

[Duchesse]

The stay at home moms I know, are so skillful at stretching a dollar, and recognizing whats really improtant in life, that they don't need to earn as much as the rest of us.

This is the reason that most poor children don't know that they are poor but, again those "realities", it's not easy.

[Gruntina]

Reality- Majority of people are in a financial situation of some sort prior to having kids and thus have no choice doing what they are doing(one stay home or both working, etc.).. That is life! But I am all for educating people on money and financials no matter what situation they are in.

I am more interested in books that help parents who both work full time and juggling with their kids and finance and a book for a stay at home parent and dealing with finances and even a book that helps single parents juggle with kids, working full time and their finances. Instead of debating which situation is best... encourage them in ALL situations.