Does this sound familiar?

**fairy74** · 03-02-2007, 08:42 AM

Yes, this is jealousy pure and simple. People who are deeply in debt know they have a problem but because so many people have the same problem, they convince themselves it's normal. It's the same idea as alcoholics who are offended when people won't drink with them. A lot of people want to drag others down to their level, instead of trying to improve themselves, the lazy way is easier for some people. I just ignore it.

**sweeps** · 03-02-2007, 08:44 AM

Misery loves company. I think deep down they know you're doing the smart thing but this is their way of making themselves feel better.

**disneysteve** · 03-02-2007, 10:02 AM

I think it is a combination of jealousy and ignorance. Many people truly don't understand how to properly manage their money. They have no idea how to budget to make sure their money lasts from check to check, and certainly don't know how to have anything left over at the end of the month. They also don't grasp how things like credit cards actually work or how much it is costing them to carry a balance. We need to do a far better job of basic financial education in this country, and it needs to start in elementary school, not high school.

**jIM_Ohio** · 03-02-2007, 10:05 AM

jealousy is how mediocrity pay tribute to success

**crabbypatty** · 03-02-2007, 10:14 AM

I sort of get some of the same attitude. I have people tell me "you should treat yourself more" as the speaker eats a $40 meal, or gets a $50 pedicure that they can't afford.

Like others have said 'misery loves company.'

**disneysteve** · 03-02-2007, 10:18 AM

Remember - 60-70% of the population of this country lives paycheck to paycheck, and the lower the income, the higher the %, so for most people, what you and I do is quite abnormal.

**jIM_Ohio** · 03-02-2007, 10:25 AM

In my 30's, I hear this often about going out, vacations et al. However I think "spending" becomes easier once X amount is set aside by age Y for retirement and I know I wouldn't need to save so agressively to fund retirement.

**JoyJoy** · 03-02-2007, 11:42 AM

I understand well. I have a sister who hasn't spoken to me in over a year because she ran up her credit cards to over $20,000.00. She asked me at that time what I owed and I told her $4K. She had an attitude the next time we talked, so I stopped calling and she hasn't called me to date. Even missed sending me a birthday card for the first time ever.

Lesson to be learned: Go your way and don't let people get next to you. Joyce Meyer, the woman minister, always says "Hurting people hurt people". You're better off. Less hassle!!

**kealina** · 03-02-2007, 02:28 PM

all the time from certain people... i think it is a mixture of jealousy, defensiveness, and ignorance (thanks disneysteve for that one).... and IMO, most of it stems from their own financial issues...

I've noticed that those who don't have any balance in their own financial lives are the ones who tend to give us flak or get jealous...and it's not just from spenders...for us, those that are spenders tend to give us flak for saving and not living, and those that are cheap (notice i didn't say savers or frugalistas) tend to react negatively when we have a fun splurge...

we basically try to avoid either one by speaking in generalities... for exacmple, we'll say "we went out to dinner" instead of "we went to this great bargain place" or "we went to this posh restaurant"... and glossing over certain topics we know are "sensitive" to avoid drama and flak...

**Aleta** · 03-02-2007, 02:39 PM

I also think that in their own minds that they think they're right. You have a segment of society that believes in living for today - for tomorrow you may die. They don't get it. They think we're eccentric and odd by their standards. I've actually had people tell me that I need to learn to live. All that because I don't want to update my phone to the latest model. Don't get me wrong; if my phone breaks I might get one of those -- who knows. I just don't have the need for the same things as others do. It's a whole different mindset.

Believe me, if something happens in the family; they think you are obligated to help before anyone else. Their excuse is I have so many oblibations ( new car, ( latest IPOD, latest computer, GPS system in the cars, etc. ) If I lived like they did, I wouldn't have anything either.

**cptacek** · 03-02-2007, 03:22 PM

Originally posted by Aleta View Post

Believe me, if something happens in the family; they think you are obligated to help before anyone else. Their excuse is I have so many oblibations ( new car, ( latest IPOD, latest computer, GPS system in the cars, etc. ) If I lived like they did, I wouldn't have anything either.

hehe. I tore up my knee skiing last weekend, so I'm on crutches and hobbling around until surgery. I asked one of my sisters to come down and help me move some stuff around so I could get to my computer easier (so I can work from home until I'm done rehabbing). She brought down hubby and three kids which was GREAT cause I wanted to see them. But she also brought down stuff to make lasagna, which she made and we all ate. She then told me how much it was so I could pay her back for it.

Huh, funny, a few months ago I stopped at walmart and bought diapers and ice cream for them and no one offered to pay for any of that.

**jIM_Ohio** · 03-02-2007, 03:56 PM

I have friends which are doctors and make (probably) 3 times what my wife and I do combined.

I have friends which are lawyers which is probably similar...

we have friends who are administrative assistants working for much less.

we have friends which work retail as managers... making much more than we do, but have crappy hours.

we have friends which own their own bar.

we have a friend which is a firefighter

Each with their own savings habits, money issues and whatever. It makes sense for the family which owns the bar to take a 2nd mortgage out when bar had to close for 6 months of renovations... it makes sense for the doctor to go on 6 vacations a year when I might not be able to afford a single one of them (YET). But I would not have made same decisions as they did "in my shoes". But walking in someone else's shoes can be difficult, especially if the shoes are heels (LOL).

If I sit in judgement, it is because of behavior they have towards me and my wife and because they are friends this is not an issue. Our financial issues stay our own and we move on from there. If people sit in judgement, I would not consider them true friends.

And if family is not talking to someone, doesn't phase me... I have siblings I don't talk with either. Of course I sit in judgement of them because of the poor decisions they make, so I have that coming to me.

Life is not perfect.

**creditcardfree** · 03-02-2007, 04:31 PM

It is so easy to judge others, but much harder to face our own flaws.

I think your experience is jealousy. My friend and her family lost a lot of weight last year and I was a bit jealous of them then. But now they have inspired me to lose weight. I'm no longer jealous, but grateful for their experience to help me.

You will probably motivate someone to take a step toward wealth and you may never know it. Keep the faith.

**Ima saver** · 03-03-2007, 09:19 AM

Well you know that I am on another forum and many of the other forum members harass me constantly because I am a saver. They don't want to hear anything I say about saving and budgeting. They go to the point of being rude to me and talking about me on other forums.
They say I live for money, which is not true at all. It really bothers me that they get so upset over me talking about money.

Does this sound familiar?