Same old story

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

One note - When I go to a department store and prices are high, then they are marked down and I get a 'buy' doesn't necessarily mean I saved money - to me that is - unless I take the difference in retail/sales price and put the actual $$'s difference into a savings account or towards our debt

This is very smart...never thought of it that way...that 199.00 should have been turned around and put in savings or towards other bills...this is a great way to think about it...I will try to do this for now on...this makes perfect sense...

The lack of clothes in my closet doesn't keep me up at nights like looming debt does!

I'm not at the point that my debt keeps me up at night. I think I'm ahead of the game in that way...or just very calm. I will sacrafice where I need to but will not go crazy making my life more complicated than I need to...my dd still needs to live and I think she did really good with her choices...did I tell you she got 13 COMPLETE outfits for under 200...that is great for an 11 year old!

I agree that sometimes the sheer volume of pressures can seem overwhelming. A disciplined plan of financial action makes things seem more manageable.

This was overwhelming for the first 24 hours or so...not so much anymore...this is not as bad as I initially thought.

[greedy4chips]

Re: Same old story

timetosave,

People are offering you suggestions and obviously you can take them or leave them. What I have seen from you is a backlash to any idea you disagree with. Instead of choosing to say "Thanks but no thanks" you get harsh like when you said "second I would never put my child in clothing from the thrift store".

For some people a thrift store is all they can afford and to them it is a great idea to cut back. Personally we do not shop there either, but I would have no problem doing so if our finances were much different.

As far as the harsh words and my having a chip on my shoulder...I am in debt not someone's punching bag. I did not come here to be beat up, I came here for help I will not accept people treating me poorly in my daily life and will not accept it here. I doubt that I will ever re-read the post and decide these people have been fair in thier words or in anyway helpful...but I am surrounded by many that seem to be VERY supportive and filled with great suggestions...I will focus on them.

I think many people were just looking for the whole story in order to help you. I also think there are some great suggestions here. Some I wouldn't follow either, but I respect everyone for taking time to write whatever possible solution they felt would help you out.

Some of the ideas you are very defensive about and that is completely fine and actually expected. I think it puts people off some when they read your responses to some of the advice given. A polite thank you and moving on would be better, IMHO.

I keep coming back to this thread to check on your progress and I am truly hoping things will turn around for you! Keep us up to date on your progress.

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

Greedy, I love your name...I do say thanks but that does not mean I don't have an opinion. I don't want to say oh no sorry I don't think shopping in thrift stores will work for me because I've already learned here that if you don't agree you open yourself up to attack...if I state it clearly and am honest I do not seem to get the hostility I received in the beginning...a defense mechanism maybe, but if it ain't broke don't fix it.

I do repect everybody's time. I am very happy I've found this board, it has put my debt in a different light...I am for the first time looking at this situation in a calm manner. Even selling off my stuff. But to suggest that I take my child's school clothing back to go and shop at a thrift store to me is taking it a bit far, and I'm not sure how that is going to help in the long run anyways. I'm simply saying I don't need to, when it comes to shopping I have that down...13 outfits from JC Penny for under 200.00 now you have to admit that is VERY good. There was no putting anybody down in my comment about thrift store shopping...I just don't and will never do it...not for my dd or any of my family...I'm not sure why saying that is bad...

I also appreciate your comments. I will in the future think about what I am writing...I did not mean to offend...and thank you for the good wishes...they go a long way also.

[Kris10Leigh]

Re: Same old story

I guess it's just that some of us are cutting back in several areas just to see the pennies grow. I am driving myself nuts collecting water from my drippy faucet hoping to save $5.00/mo on my water bill. I am willing to go to the thrift store and for $200 I could buy entire new wardrobes for everyone in my family! And I don't buy junk. I buy only Land's End, LL Bean, Tommy Hillfigger, etc. I am a huge fan of thrift stores and my kids look really good. People think we have money BECAUSE I shop at thrift stores. I agree very much with LuxLiving about shopping at thrift stores to "keep from being dirt poor." Absolutely.

However, I am not willing to cut out sattelite and my DVR. It's just a matter of priorities. But don't knock the small stuff. The little bit saved here and there really adds up.

[jodi]

Re: Same old story

Been watching this post with interest...hmmm...not sure I can keep quiet any longer.

I'm not at the point that my debt keeps me up at night. I think I'm ahead of the game in that way...or just very calm. I will sacrafice where I need to but will not go crazy making my life more complicated than I need to...my dd still needs to live and I think she did really good with her choices...did I tell you she got 13 COMPLETE outfits for under 200...that is great for an 11 year old!

First of all, congrats on making the choice to change your life. You said in your first post that you were up at night trying to figure out who to borrow money from, so it sounds as though you have made a ton of progress already by owning the problem and making a plan! Good luck to you.

Second, yes, I was insulted by your insinuation that there is something wrong with shopping in thrift stores. You may not have meant it, but it certainly sounded that way. As was mentioned previously, a simple "no thanks, I prefer to shop for new clothes" would have been sufficient and certainly would not have gotten anyone's attention here. But seeing as though a large percentage of us shop at thrift stores and garage sales for clothes...this probably was not the place to insinuate that those trying to help you are "dirt poor" or trying to act like it.
I shop there by choice. I can get top-quality clothes, that I know will stand the test of time, at rock bottom prices. I can't tell you how many times I have been disappointed by a rip or stain or overall poor quality in a $20 piece of clothing that I have worn once. yet, by the time I get something secondhand, I know that it's a good piece of clothing as it has lasted. And I pay very little. My clothing budget is $20 per month, and I often spend less or nothing per month. I don't have a clothing budget for my kids, but I refuse to spend more than $1 per item for them. And they are VERY well-dressed. I am glad for you that you have such an eye for bargains, but you don't have to slam our choices either. I know you don't think that you did, but I just wanted to share my opinion - I was instantly insulted the minute I read that comment, and I imagine many others were too.
One thing to understand here - especially given the desperation in your original posts, people are going to offer any and all suggestions. Some you might like, others you might hate - others you might find insulting. Chances are, though, each suggestion given was done or is being done by someone on these boards. So please respond kindly, or not at all to a particular suggestion if it's not for you.

(one more note - from someone who has been around a while - there have been many, many people who show up asking for assistance and are given a flurry of well-intentioned posts, only to never show up again. While there were reasons behind your absence, I imagine other posters may have originally thought (after your short absence) you were another person who couldn't face the reality and slid back into oblivion about their situation. So, we really are glad to see that you stuck it out and are back!)

[Snoopy2645]

Re: Same old story

Well I see some of what she is saying is very true As for shopping for an 11yr old girl I know how that goes & you can get good deals at jcpennies I know this for a fact I have bought my kids tons of outfits their for 2.77 a whole outfit & my 11 yr old lots of stuff really cheap & at 11 she is not picky in looks but comfort I cant seem to find her any clothes at garage sales that fits heck I can barely find her anything at the store that fits she dont wear regular size but not big enough for plus size girls!! And as for thrifts stores where I live well they are more expensive than jcpennies

As for my 5 yr old & 2 yr old I can usually find them stuff at garage sales for under a dollar lots of times new stuff!! So it does get harder as kids get older to find stuff at garage sales for them.


What I did to save is make my kids wear their stuff as long as possible I went 1 yr without buying anything for them can you do that maybe pass down your clothes to your dd we have passed alot of clothes around my family lots of my old tshirts go to dh for work shirts & I give dd my fancier shirts she is not much smaller than me & then I have all girls so thier clothes go down the line

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

I think this poster speaks volumes. Our 'cutting back' has to fit our lives. I am cleaning up my credit. My family is not in jeopardy of losing anything...I have to clean up my credit...it is simply a matter of finding what works for each of us and sticking to it...clothing is not an item I will ever compromise on but if needed I could certainly go without tv...we each have different circumstances...the thrift store just does not fit my life.

I guess it's just that some of us are cutting back in several areas just to see the pennies grow. I am driving myself nuts collecting water from my drippy faucet hoping to save $5.00/mo on my water bill. I am willing to go to the thrift store and for $200 I could buy entire new wardrobes for everyone in my family! And I don't buy junk. I buy only Land's End, LL Bean, Tommy Hillfigger, etc. I am a huge fan of thrift stores and my kids look really good. People think we have money BECAUSE I shop at thrift stores. I agree very much with LuxLiving about shopping at thrift stores to "keep from being dirt poor." Absolutely.

However, I am not willing to cut out sattelite and my DVR. It's just a matter of priorities. But don't knock the small stuff. The little bit saved here and there really adds up.

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

Thank you for the well wishes. I was actually never gone...just busy...Ima said some really nasty stuff in her post...I'm wondering what gives her the right. But that said I am glad to be here, it is amazing how differently I am looking at my situation in just a week. I feel in control for the first time...why? Because of the great idea's given here.

I have pretty much locked myself in my home and have not put myself in any situations this weekend that will lead to spending...all I've spent since Friday is 35.00 on my dds riding lessons and 6.00 to pick 16lbs of blueberries (something I love to do and eat... )

I realize I will not be able to stay at home every weekend but this is my first weekend I am being VERY conscious of what I'm spending...funny thing is that it does not go against my grain...I thought it would feel strange to obsess on how much I'm spending...but it does not...I have a 1,000.00 bill to pay by the 13th of Septemeber for my dds braces, I have a flex account at work that I can get most of that money out of so that will be fine, but then it will be 144.00 monthly for the next two years...funny how these things happen.

As you see I have not commented on the thrift store situtation. I honestly think enough has been said. I've apologized for any hurt feelings and I honestly feel that should be it. Let's not drag this on forever and get away from the reason we are all here...finances. I do not shop at thrift stores. I have never and will never. I keep trying to make that clear so I can stop being told what a wonderful thing it is...but it keeps coming...I'm not sure how to put it. Thrift stores do not work for me and my family. Thank you for the breakdown but it still does not make me feel shopping at thrift stores is such a wonderful thing. I do quite well in department stores. I don't think I've purchased anything at the SRP in over 20 years.

I think before we start cutting back in areas I may not need to cut back I need to get this budget worked out...I have been writing down what I am spending (as you can see it has not amounted to much) and I realize I have the car payments to get caught up on...so my budget will not actually be written for at least 4 more weeks but I can post what I am doing and hopefully can get feedback on how to do it better.

Thanks everybody.,

Been watching this post with interest...hmmm...not sure I can keep quiet any longer.



First of all, congrats on making the choice to change your life. You said in your first post that you were up at night trying to figure out who to borrow money from, so it sounds as though you have made a ton of progress already by owning the problem and making a plan! Good luck to you.

Second, yes, I was insulted by your insinuation that there is something wrong with shopping in thrift stores. You may not have meant it, but it certainly sounded that way. As was mentioned previously, a simple "no thanks, I prefer to shop for new clothes" would have been sufficient and certainly would not have gotten anyone's attention here. But seeing as though a large percentage of us shop at thrift stores and garage sales for clothes...this probably was not the place to insinuate that those trying to help you are "dirt poor" or trying to act like it.
I shop there by choice. I can get top-quality clothes, that I know will stand the test of time, at rock bottom prices. I can't tell you how many times I have been disappointed by a rip or stain or overall poor quality in a $20 piece of clothing that I have worn once. yet, by the time I get something secondhand, I know that it's a good piece of clothing as it has lasted. And I pay very little. My clothing budget is $20 per month, and I often spend less or nothing per month. I don't have a clothing budget for my kids, but I refuse to spend more than $1 per item for them. And they are VERY well-dressed. I am glad for you that you have such an eye for bargains, but you don't have to slam our choices either. I know you don't think that you did, but I just wanted to share my opinion - I was instantly insulted the minute I read that comment, and I imagine many others were too.
One thing to understand here - especially given the desperation in your original posts, people are going to offer any and all suggestions. Some you might like, others you might hate - others you might find insulting. Chances are, though, each suggestion given was done or is being done by someone on these boards. So please respond kindly, or not at all to a particular suggestion if it's not for you.

(one more note - from someone who has been around a while - there have been many, many people who show up asking for assistance and are given a flurry of well-intentioned posts, only to never show up again. While there were reasons behind your absence, I imagine other posters may have originally thought (after your short absence) you were another person who couldn't face the reality and slid back into oblivion about their situation. So, we really are glad to see that you stuck it out and are back!)

[Kris10Leigh]

Re: Same old story

May I offer a suggestion? Why don't you try reading and posting on some other threads so that you can get a taste for some of the comments and replies that other posters have in this community. Then, maybe you will understand why there is so much back and forth banter on your thread. I think some well-loved, well-meaning posters are getting hurt. I also think some core values some of us hold are being slammed.

[Ima saver]

Re: Same old story

I did not say some real nasty stuff in my post and if I offened you I have already told you that I was sorry. What else can I do. I at first questioned if you were making this up because I got confused about the whole situation. Can't you accept my apology and just move on? I am trying not to comment on what you are doing, except to offer my encouragement!

[Ima saver]

Re: Same old story

Also, I received an e mail from a regular poster who said she unregistered from this forum because she was accused of being mean in this thread. I don't think anyone here means to be cruel to anyone. I certainly did not. I would not post here anymore except my name keeps getting mentioned and I am only defending myself. I would never, knowingly, be nasty to anyone on this forum. They are like family to me!

[LuxLiving]

Re: Same old story

Hi Time To Save - Glad to see you feeling more rested, relaxed and thus able to focus calmly on your situation. Many of us were wanting desperately to help you keep from going out and 'debting' again! My thoughts were to help you raise cash for your car payment AND get your daughter school clothes. Sounds like you've got a plan now THAT WORKS FOR YOU! GREAT!!

Can you clarify for us -- your perception is that you just want to clean up your credit, is that right? See, I misunderstood from the beginning. I don't know that I can help you as it's not something I have experience with. We have always had excellent credit, but we wanted to get to the point of being financially independent, meaning we don't want to have to rely on credit as a lifestyle choice. Many on this board may feel the same way -- ??dunno for sure?? But the idea for my family was to get enough ahead that when we need something big outside of budgeted income such as an unexpected large car repair (engine fallout or somethin') or a car replacement or broken freezer or something of that nature that we could be our own banker and borrow from ourselves rather than from a banker or credit card company.

You are wanting a better credit score so you can continue a credit lifestyle? That may sound like I'm insuaiting it's a bad choice. It would be for me, and maybe you don't perceive it that way. I often put stuff on my credit card - it's just now that we're fiscally savy enough & ahead enough to have the money put back ahead of time for the purchase and can pay it off before it incurs any interest. It doesn't have to be a bad choice for you either IF you've got the cash flow to handle the payments AND you are organized to make the payments on time.

For me, I wasn't clear on whether you were current BEFORE the ebay fiasco! If you were behind then ???? and now want to clear up so you can debt again then I'm leary of your chances for success. According to the 'experts' if we don't find the underlying reason WHY we debt and clear it up, it's like the old consolidating loan pattern - people consolidate only to go right out with the freed up money and debt themselves right back into a hole.

I think from some of your posts that you are wanting to do more than just clear up your credit and truly want to make a financial lifestyle turnaround. I hope that you do. Keep reading financial stuff - it took me a while to get us heading in the right direction, but it paid off. Kinda like a pilot - here a tiny correction, there a slight tweaking until soon you are making a picture perfect landing!!

Glad you stuck with us!

-LuxLivingFrugalis"If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free; if our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed." -Edmund Burke

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

Though this is really getting away from why I'm here...stating pubically that you do not believe anything I've said and that my story does not hold water and that I must only be here to get money is NOT NICE. Enough already. If someone is not posting because I took offense to what they said maybe they need to think before they post. I will defend myself also.

Can we all just be friends and get on with this...all of this distraction is not going to help me in my quest to be debt free.

This is childish...I'm not in the 2nd grade anymore. I can not control other's feelings and am not going to try. This is really getting out of hand. I would really like this to go back to concentrating on why we are all here.

thank you

Also, I received an e mail from a regular poster who said she unregistered from this forum because she was accused of being mean in this thread. I don't think anyone here means to be cruel to anyone. I certainly did not. I would not post here anymore except my name keeps getting mentioned and I am only defending myself. I would never, knowingly, be nasty to anyone on this forum. They are like family to me!

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

Luxliving, I would really like to do both...get my credit cleared up and strong again...AND get to the point that I don't need to rely on credit for life.

I realize I have to do both and hope there is a way to do both...but I am focusing on the credit part of it because that is the main problem right now. Well, I guess I should re-think that...if I had the money in the bank, the credit would not be an issue. So I need to figure out how to save and clean up my credit at the same time

My ultimate goal would be to purchase a rental unit. That has been my dream for years...many many years. I've just never known how to get there. So, yes, your input is very valuable here because you've done what I hope to do.

I'm starting rather late in life but feel I can still achieve some sort of comfort. I have an 11yo who is determined to attend an Ivy Leauge and I hope to be able to do that for her.

Please stick around. I have a feeling you are going to help quite a bit.

thanks

[Ima saver]

Re: Same old story

Ok, let's call a truce, I have apologized twice. Could you cut back on your daughter's riding lessons? (I am assuming horseback riding lessons?)