Living with Parents...

[ExcuseMyIgnorance]

Do you think it's ever okay? My brother is a stay-at-home son lol sad face.

I feel like it's only holding him back. He thinks he's saving money. While that is true, I think his drive in life is so hampered, it's not worth saving $600/month in rent/groceries (we live in a low cost of living area). If he lived alone, he would have responsibilities. He would actually get a job paying him more than $600/month.

Has anyone lived at home after college? Worth the savings?

Note: My parents like having him which doesn't help.

[autoxer]

Yes, I lived with my parents until I was 29 years old. I paid them rent, although it was much lower than what an apartment would cost (I think I was paying them ~$300/month). It didn't hold me back, it was just an option that made sense at the time. My wife was living with her parents until we got married (when she was 26 years old). It also worked well for her, we both have good relationships with our parents.

Your brother should be carrying his weight with the added costs he is putting on your parents, but that arrangement is between your parents and you brother, and you are better off staying out of it.

[Fishindude77]

You don't say his age, so I assume plenty old enough to be doing his own thing.

I agree with you 100%. There have been other threads on this issue.

He needs to grow up and start fending for himself, the sooner the better. Problem is, many parents are the "enablers" because they like to have someone else around the house to talk to and socialize with. They aren't comfortable with the empty nest thing. I've got a friend that is doing the same thing with a 25 year old. It's almost more like a "buddy" rather than a "parent child" relationship which is unhealthy for all.

Bad parenting in my opinion. They need to grow a pair and get him on the path to living on his own, otherwise they'll have The Big Lebowski living in their basement when he's 40.

[phantom]

I lived with my parents until I got married at the age of 27. They wouldn't take rent from me, preferring to let me use my money to pay off student loans and save for a downpayment as I saw fit. Financially, I think it worked out very well. I had financial goals beyond keeping a roof over my head, so I don't think it hurt that my parents gave me one for free. The only thing I think I missed out on by living with my parents so long was the responsibility of taking care of a place of my own. I knew how to clean, cook, pay bills, and do yard work, but I didn't know what it was to have to make sure those things all got done on a regular basis. I've been figuring it out well enough though.

My sister is 31 and still lives with our parents. She has a learning disability that limits her employment opportunities, and to some extent, her ability to take care of herself. She doesn't have any problems with motivation and works hard at a job that pays her relatively well given her limited skill set. She doesn't have trouble saving money either, as she has never had many desires that cost money. On paper, she could definitely afford an apartment while continuing to save. I'm honestly not sure whether or not my parents are doing the right thing by letting her live with them indefinitely. When we were kids, I was pretty judgemental and jealous of how much my parents supported my sister because of her disability. As I've matured, I've come to recognize that it can be really tough to tell the difference between necessary support and a crutch that hinders growth when you're the parent of a child with special needs.

It sounds like your brother could definitely stand to have someone light a fire under him. Your parents could probably do that by kicking him out, but it's definitely not your place to suggest they do that. If you really want to help your brother, I think your options are to either convince him that there's something more that he could be getting out of life with a higher income or to scare him into striving to be better prepared for the future. Not know your brother, I'm not really sure what might achieve the former, but if you can get him to imagine how his life will go when your parents are no longer around to support it, him you might achieve the latter.

[ua_guy]

As a focused, short-term plan to save money for a specific goal, maybe living with folks is okay. Not for me. I was living on my own after high school, and except for a few brief stays (summers, but I also had a job..), I was independent. I bought my first house at 23 years old. Independence and starting my own life always came first, saving money was secondary, although they are closely linked. Some places I rented were pretty crappy--but I was the only tenant, no roommates--, and money for partying was often tight/non-existent, but I was living on my own.

I had friends that continued to loaf with their parents during and after college, well into their late 20's. They stuck around for the free/cheap rent, with no plan to move on. How embarrassing/awkward. It's a combination of my generation's lack of interest in being independent, combined with lax parenting rules.

[phantom]

I had friends that continued to loaf with their parents during and after college, well into their late 20's. They stuck around for the free/cheap rent, with no plan to move on. How embarrassing/awkward. It's a combination of my generation's lack of interest in being independent, combined with lax parenting rules.

I think it's only embarrassing and awkward if society makes it that way, and I don't see a logical reason to have a stigma against living with parents into adulthood. I see a problem with people who are lazy, totally dependent on their parents, and not interested in getting to a point where they could move out if they had to. But, if parents in children find it mutually beneficial to continue to live together as adults, I say they should. They shouldn't have to live separate just because some people use living together as an excuse to be lazy.

I don't see a problem with lax parenting rules either. My parents set very few rules for me as a kid and even fewer as I grew up. They respected me, I respected them, and I was pretty much free to do whatever I wanted so long as it wasn't illegal or harmful. If it wasn't for that mutual respect, I probably wouldn't have lasted long living with them after college. But, if you ask me, that's a good thing.

When I lived with my parents post-college, the only rule was that if I was out past 11PM, I'd have to call before heading home. The reason for the rule was that it gave my mom enough peace of mind to sleep when I was out late. (If she couldn't sleep at all no matter what I did, I think it would have been equally reasonable for her to set a curfew, which probably would have prompted me to move out sooner. But, I'm glad that wasn't the case.)

[ua_guy]

I think it's only embarrassing and awkward if society makes it that way, and I don't see a logical reason to have a stigma against living with parents into adulthood. I see a problem with people who are lazy, totally dependent on their parents, and not interested in getting to a point where they could move out if they had to. But, if parents in children find it mutually beneficial to continue to live together as adults, I say they should. They shouldn't have to live separate just because some people use living together as an excuse to be lazy.

I don't see a problem with lax parenting rules either. My parents set very few rules for me as a kid and even fewer as I grew up. They respected me, I respected them, and I was pretty much free to do whatever I wanted so long as it wasn't illegal or harmful. If it wasn't for that mutual respect, I probably wouldn't have lasted long living with them after college. But, if you ask me, that's a good thing.

When I lived with my parents post-college, the only rule was that if I was out past 11PM, I'd have to call before heading home. The reason for the rule was that it gave my mom enough peace of mind to sleep when I was out late. (If she couldn't sleep at all no matter what I did, I think it would have been equally reasonable for her to set a curfew, which probably would have prompted me to move out sooner. But, I'm glad that wasn't the case.)

There are exceptions, of course, but the lot of it is laziness, and where there is no mutual benefit (or want for shared living). It's about parents who allow themselves to be doormats, who refuse to usher their adult children into true adulthood.

Lax parenting is really about parents not enforcing rules when they are needed, or continuing to support the bad choices made by their own children. It sounds like you and I both grew up under similar styles of parenting-- few rules, keys to the kingdom, all because we were otherwise good kids making good choices, and in that scenario, rules really weren't needed. It's the exact opposite of lax parenting. My folks chose to lead by good example, and having privileges was a good reason to follow in their footsteps. The alternative was sudden death, of course

I'm different, though. It felt weird to drive my parents' cars and to accept any money they offered, and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to be independent as quickly as possible. Truly, they are wonderful people. They gave me the best of the best, and we are still very close today. When there is no need to live together, I see being independent as a way to honor them. It means their primary job is complete!

[phantom]

Lax parenting is really about parents not enforcing rules when they are needed, or continuing to support the bad choices made by their own children. It sounds like you and I both grew up under similar styles of parenting-- few rules, keys to the kingdom, all because we were otherwise good kids making good choices, and in that scenario, rules really weren't needed. It's the exact opposite of lax parenting. My folks chose to lead by good example, and having privileges was a good reason to follow in their footsteps. The alternative was sudden death, of course

I'm different, though. It felt weird to drive my parents' cars and to accept any money they offered, and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to be independent as quickly as possible. Truly, they are wonderful people. They gave me the best of the best, and we are still very close today. When there is no need to live together, I see being independent as a way to honor them. It means their primary job is complete!

When you define it that way, I agree that lax parenting is definitely an issue. In my experience growing up, it was mostly the kids whose parents said "no watching MTV" and "no phone in your room" who misbehaved the most. So, I'm a bit leery of rules for the sake of rules.

I think it's great that you wanted to stand on your own and went out and did it as soon as you could. That wasn't something I felt any rush to go out and do immediately myself, but I think it's definitely something most adults should plan to do eventually.

[asoloans]

Lol,what parents would want an independent cson? He should go outta there and be responsible that way he will earn more respect from you,the parents and the public at large

[GrowingTheGreen]

My wife and I are living with her parents right now. We're doing a total home remodel (DIY!!). I think it makes perfect sense in this scenario and is also socially acceptable.

[dojo]

We live with my mother-in-law in a big apartment. While we don't rely on her for anything, husband doesn't want to spend a fortune on rent, especially now, since we have a baby.

[AngieBeechan]

We're living with my-mother-in-law, but sometimes there are unhappy experiences due to different habits. So we are planning to move out.
It isn't the money thing only.

[ronb]

If you are cool with your in-laws this can be a good way to save money. The only thing is you need to be careful to contribute to their family, like help with the utilities, do babysitting, etc.

Also, its better if you have a separate living space. Otherwise you aren't as independent.

[josey]

Staying with your parents for a little longer can help some people. I felt that it's when we are living alone that we spend more lavishly and finally regret. Let him take his time to think about moving out.

[Outdoorsygal]

Do you think it's ever okay? My brother is a stay-at-home son lol sad face.

I feel like it's only holding him back. He thinks he's saving money. While that is true, I think his drive in life is so hampered, it's not worth saving $600/month in rent/groceries (we live in a low cost of living area). If he lived alone, he would have responsibilities. He would actually get a job paying him more than $600/month.

Has anyone lived at home after college? Worth the savings?

Note: My parents like having him which doesn't help.

Your brother likes to stay with your parents. They like him there. He's saving $600 a month in a low cost living area so his money is going even further.
From your post, everyone is very happy with this arrangement. That arrangement wouldn't be right for me but to each is own.