Boyfriend's money habits are infuriating!!!

[marywantsmoney]

We started dating about a month ago. It's clear that he's terrible at managing money. It sucks because here I am, working hard to get my life in order and he's just peeing his money away on video games and hookah (sp?) bars. I'm seriously thinking about cutting him out of my life... because of money.

This seems to make logical sense. But I'm not sure it's right to breakup with someone because of money. It feels like I'm shallow. However, money is a big deal!

I'm not big on changing people. I think I'll break it off with him. I kind of don't want to tell people it's because of money though.

Am I a bad person for breaking up w/ someone b/c of money?

[natasha.cornelius]

Finances are the number one reason people divorce. If you think you could never marry this person, then I feel like you should cut ties. But I don't personally know either of you, so I feel like only you can make this decision. But I wouldn't call it selfish.

My situation was similar, I am super frugal and my boyfriend made money to spend it. Video games, DVDs, dinner and drinks, etc... he rarely had over $500 to his name at any given time. Then he got a DUI and everything changed. It threw him so far into debt, he's MUCH better at putting his paycheck into his bank account now versus just cashing it and spending it.

I wouldn't wish his learning situation on anyone, but at least he DID learn from it.

[Fishindude77]

Push away every one in your life that is bad with money, and you may soon find you don't have many friends?

If you like the guy, have fun with him and enjoy other aspects of being together, no reason you can't continue the relationship. He's just your boyfriend at this point and doesn't live with you. I wouldn't get too concerned about it as it's not really impacting you negatively.

And people do change over time. I was a financial wreck until I got a wife, mortgage, and children.

[Butterscotch]

How much do you know about him after only one month? How much disposable income does he have and how could you know? Are his bills paid and he just spends left over money on fun stuff? Does he have a savings that maybe you don't know about?

Honestly, this early in the relationship it is a bit early to judge. But I am glad that you say you're not into changing people. People need to change for themselves, not be made to change.

[scfr]

Does he show a desire for self-improvement? Has he shown the ability to take the steps needed to improve in other areas of his life? If he's really responsible in other areas in his life and has shown a willingness to better himself and you like his other qualities, I'd say stick with him and find a non-confrontational way to ask him about his money habits. Maybe it's something he wants to change but doesn't know how. Or maybe it never even occurred to him that he should prepare financially for the future. But if he's just generally irresponsible and thinks he's fine the way he is, breaking things off before they get really serious might be a good thing.

As a single mom, you probably take dating a lot more seriously than other single gals your age without children. You are probably sizing up the men you date as potential fathers for your child. That's OK! That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a good mom.

When my husband of 22 years and I met, neither one of us was terrible with money but we weren't great either. There was a lot of room for improvement. If either one of us expected financial perfection in our partner we never would have gotten together. But we both wanted to get better and we were willing to work as a team to improve our situation. And work as a team is exactly what we have done all these years. It has been a joy working together on our common goals and cheering each other on.

[disneysteve]

here I am, working hard to get my life in order and he's just peeing his money away on video games and hookah (sp?) bars.

This seems to make logical sense. But I'm not sure it's right to breakup with someone because of money. It feels like I'm shallow.

I'm not big on changing people. I think I'll break it off with him. I kind of don't want to tell people it's because of money though.

1. Dump him now before the relationship goes any farther.
2. You aren't being shallow at all. You are being mature and responsible, unlike him.
3. You can't change people.
4. No need to tell anyone it was about money. Tell people it was because he was a bum who spent his days playing video games and smoking at hookah bars.

You won't miss him, and from the sounds of it, he won't miss you either.

[Fishindude77]

That's a pretty hard line DS.
It's just a boyfriend she's dated for a month, not a spouse or live in, and there was never any mention of wedding bells.

We can't run a Dunn & Bradstreet report on everyone to decide if they will be allowed in our friends and family circle. You can still enjoy time with someone that's a financial knucklehead, just be smart enough not to get tied in financially with them.

[disneysteve]

That's a pretty hard line DS.

You can still enjoy time with someone that's a financial knucklehead, just be smart enough not to get tied in financially with them.

Sure, you can be friends with someone who is bad with money and has no ambition, but would you actively pursue or continue a relationship with that person? OP wasn't asking about hanging out with this guy. She was asking about staying in a relationship - and I think she already had her mind made up when she posted and was just looking for some validation. Why beat around the bush?

[MonkeyMama]

OP, listen to your instincts.

At the end of the day, it's more than just about the money. Are your goals and values really in line with someone who infuriates you? Money is just one way these deeper and more important things show themselves.

[pflyers85]

Personally I wouldn't spend my money on video games and hookah bars but I have hobbies like golf and cigars that many people wouldn't spend money on either. Is he going into debt to finance these hobbies or do you just find these hobbies wasteful? To me there is a big difference. My girlfriend spends money on things that I think are crazy but she gets enjoyment out of it. She also pays her bills on time, adequately saves, and doesn't go into debt to finance her hobbies so I don't take issue with her spending. I would only take issue if her spending (or my spending for that matter) became an obstacle towards our financial goals.

[FLA]

1. Dump him now before the relationship goes any farther.
2. You aren't being shallow at all. You are being mature and responsible, unlike him.
3. You can't change people.
4. No need to tell anyone it was about money. Tell people it was because he was a bum who spent his days playing video games and smoking at hookah bars.

You won't miss him, and from the sounds of it, he won't miss you either.

took the words right out of my mouth and someone said you are a single mom? i've been there, done that. IMHO my kids didn't meet potential suitors until I felt like it was likely to be a long term relationship. A single mom's partner needs to be responsible and a good influence, again IMHO. Sitting around playing video games for hours? yeah, no thanks.

[ua_guy]

We started dating about a month ago. It's clear that he's terrible at managing money. It sucks because here I am, working hard to get my life in order and he's just peeing his money away on video games and hookah (sp?) bars. I'm seriously thinking about cutting him out of my life... because of money.

This seems to make logical sense. But I'm not sure it's right to breakup with someone because of money. It feels like I'm shallow. However, money is a big deal!

I'm not big on changing people. I think I'll break it off with him. I kind of don't want to tell people it's because of money though.

Am I a bad person for breaking up w/ someone b/c of money?

I don't think you're shallow. You're trying to find someone who will share your goals of good finances/money management.

If you're not into video games and smoking, and he's not receptive to carefully managing money, then I'd say you're probably not a match. Get going before he bankrupts you too.

[marywantsmoney]

How much do you know about him after only one month? How much disposable income does he have and how could you know? Are his bills paid and he just spends left over money on fun stuff? Does he have a savings that maybe you don't know about?

Honestly, this early in the relationship it is a bit early to judge. But I am glad that you say you're not into changing people. People need to change for themselves, not be made to change.

He works a job that can't possibly earn him more than $30k/year. With the money habits I've seen, there's no way his expenses can be justified. And even if he would have the disposable income, I still kinda despise blowing money just cause you have it. I try to surround myself w/ people doing better financially than me. That way I learn and grow.

But yes, it hasn't been very long. And he is fun and cute. I'll give it a bit more time.

[LittleLamplight]

Update? My gf spends a lot more of her money than I'd like her too but she still can pay all her bills and share expenses so I'm not going to complain about that, but it seems like he is just being a douche.

Money is a huge deal and if someone isn't pulling their weight (on purpose) they are pretty much saying they care about themselves way more than your relationship IMO.